Don’t become smarter, it will break your heart

“You are a fucking human being!”

I laughed when he said that. Couldn’t believe a middle age physiotherapist I met 10 minutes ago would say that to me. It was so fucking relieving to hear someone older and with an established authority saying that to me. I just knew he understands me.

We are intelligent people. We start thinking the moment we wake up and don’t stop until we fall asleep. We don’t know how to be zen because we don’t know how to be. We pick everything apart, examine every single situation and never stop asking why? what? how? Then we drive someone crazy. Someone we love. They have a limited tolerance for a long string of “whys”.

“Are you blonde?”

Yes! I always knew there is something really dumb about my brains. Look at my hair ends, they’re all bright as the sun. ha, ha!

He laughed when I said that. Then he added it’s quite refreshing hearing someone asking silly questions like mine, because “most of the people are just trying to be perfect”.

As quora user, Marcus Geduld said, having knowledge makes us become aware of troubling things about ourselves that we are powerless to improve. That can be super demotivating and will just feed the opposite Dunning-Kruger effects. Thus, if incompetent people suffer from overconfidence because they don’t have the means to realize their relative incompetence compared to others, smart people suffer from the reverse: they tend to wrongfully underestimate their own relative competence because they have the competence to understand the skillfulness of those around them… 💔

We can talk about our feelings, no problem in that. But how do we express them and how much of relief do we actually feel in that? That’s just one common downside for those who thought having more IQ points would make them happier. We think more than we feel and, if that’s not enough, we spend too much time contemplating, analyzing, therefore overthinking things. Because we realize how nothing really means anything and we are desperately searching for meanings. Till it drives us crazy… 💔

We have such a hard time making choices… because we are aware of the possible ramifications of our decisions. Moreover, the more we educate ourselves, the more we can appreciate the limitation of our own cognition. In other words, the more we know, the more we understand how much we don’t know… 💔

And then the voices…

Why are you single? you are smart.

Why can’t you find a job? you are smart.

What else do you need in life? you are smart.

Depression. Difficulty in relating with peers. Getting bored too fast. Hard times making friends/ Pressure on your own self. Self-esteem issues… 💔

Society expects us to be smart and kind, wise and nice, and, “to do something for the human race”. Be all super humans. But how can we do something for a world in which we barely have a handful of friends who are not pressurized by our “smartness”, who do not assume and expect things from us just because we are smart?

How Men Ruined Dating For Me

It’s been 2 years since I wrote this piece and I’ve been reliving it every time I went on Tinder and back 😆
I dedicate it to my girl friend A. who went to her first Tinder date today and to another tinderella girl I just met today.
❤️
Enjoy dating!

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I learned about the concept of dating when I came to Denmark. And it was only then when I realized people call “dating” something that I thought is just “hanging out with guys”.

When a Danish guy told me a date = When the guy asks you out and he pays for it I stopped letting men paying for my drinks and wasting their time (first reason why I am single, lonely and not that rich). Hard thing to let go since for me the idea of men paying for ladies’ drinks is as normal as opening doors. But in Denmark there is a strong concept of equality and the freedom of speech is at its best. So, beats me where chivalry has gone or whatever that is nowadays.

In Denmark I started dating because of a handsome young man who reminded me how stomach butterflies feel like. It was…

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Just Another Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in the land of the happiest people in the world, there was a charming gnome who, except 70 virgins, a driving license, and self-esteem, had everything a man could possibly want.

He was living alone in his big castle, feeling happily unloved and scared of all kind of things  (diseases, stronger men, smarter people, disappointments) when one day, completely out of his league, an unusual girl stepped into his office. She was simple, innocent, and cute, just like a fairy, but the Danish gnome saw her complicated, challenging and sexy. So you know how this kind of story goes: the gnome charms the fairy who breaks up with her loving fiancé and they bang. And bang. Bang, bang, bangity-bang! Hot damn bang.

Three years later, the simple girl is a sophisticated, successful young lady (yes, sex does make you look better), who has no issues. Except for the self-destructing, self-sufficient and self-centered characteristics she inherited from the Gnome Charming, who got himself a virgin, a personal driver and a psychiatrist to remind him of his self-worth. But that’s ok.

They both live sadly separated thinking about each other more than they should.

The end.

What Is Dating About?

Millennials. Individuals reaching adulthood around the turn of the 21st century. According to Howe and Strauss (1991), millennials are born between 1982 and 2004. Therefore, I and, most likely you too, are part of Generation Y or the Net Generation, the demographic cohort that directly follows Generation X.

Being the last generation born in the 20th century, we are also called the “Hookup Generation”, a name which, it turns out, doesn’t really pair with the studies results on how much sex we’re having these days. That’s right, our grandparents were having more sex than we do now. Researchers of the Archives of Sexual Behavior discovered that the prominence of online dating as millennials’ primary means of coupling is a likely factor in their dropping rates of sexual activity. Why you ask? Well, if you assumed that it’s so easy to get laid these days because of Tinder and Bumble apps, for most of the users having an average appearance it leaves them quite reluctant to continue the search. It’s a jungle out there, trust me. What used to work three years ago as an online strategy comes extremely outdated and overused today. You match because you are both on the same hotness level, you say hi and three hours later you meet – because you already have plans for the rest of the week and this is your only day off, thus you having time for such boring activity. Also, for most of the dating apps users, the best time of using it is on the toilet. I know, now you gonna imagine the other one sitting on that throne when texting you. I know. I am sorry, it was tough to accept for me as well.

However, researchers don’t see this a bad thing. Having less sex is correlated with the fact that this generation has become more picky about what constitutes consent and less accepting of pressured sex. “It’s probably a good thing… I think [taking it slowly] is going to lead to better first marriages”, said anthropologist Helen Fisher. Fisher also points that the aforementioned youngsters, also work harder (often unpaid) to pursue their career goals. And now you say “well, that makes so much sense!”. It does, doesn’t it? “It’s a highly motivated, ambitious generation,” Fisher said. “A lot of them are afraid that they’ll get into something they can’t get out of and they won’t be able to get back to their desk and keep studying.”

Harvard University spent 75 years researching the correlations for a long life, thus conducting the longest study on happiness. And you know what is the number one?

MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS

It’s not about how many friends or partners you have or don’t have. “A person only needs a few close relationships to be happy” (Waldinger, 2015). Now, dating is indeed more fluid than in the past. It looks different and feels different…but at the end of the day, creating a relationship that brings meaning to your own or someone’s life is all what dating is supposed to be about. Because that’s what life is about.

Enjoy dating! 🙂

 

PS: next time I am gonna write about how I made myself a girl-friend through a dating app. Stay tuned!

Colibri draga,

aceleasi ganduri de ieri mi se potrivesc si azi 🙂

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Te-ai schimbat…si te-ai schimbat mult, iar acum stiu ca te vei schimba si mai mult.

Intotdeauna am stiut ca oamenii fac bine chiar si atunci cand fac rau. Ti-am zis eu ca trebuie sa vezi partea buna in orice chestie care te face sa injuri de toti sfintii nesfintiti in momentul ala. Si ai invatat sa iti dai seama dupa 10 minute ca lucrurile depind de tine in cea mai mare parte, iar data viitoare nu mai injuri pe nimeni ci o sa te uiti smechereste in jur. Si tot eu o sa iti zic “i told u so”.

E ciudat sa ma uit in urma la tine…erai un suflet tanar si rebel – prea rebel daca te regasesti si tu in tinerii din ziua de azi. Chiar si corpul iti era mai tanar! Dar na, nu te astepta sa fie mult mai bine, ci invoca pe viito un nivel…

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Caress my soul

Sunday I fell in love. I know, I know… I fall in love every day. But this time was with someone on the radio. I’ve been listening to this band before, but never paid any attention nor cared to check it out. But this Sunday something triggered it. Been listening to all their songs, watched all the videos and couldn’t get enough of it. It’s probably my wanderlust, and missing Australia… It got me thinking and dwelling in my memories from my sundry travels down under. I have this memory of a special day in Byron Bay where I met the coolest and friendliest Aussie surfer boys. I remember I was sad about leaving someone when I arrived at Byron, but then this tall dude with a rock/surf/reggae look welcomed me with the most laidback attitude. He looked so newly strange to me I was thinking, oh, he looks so silly with that curly messy loose hair combed back under that silly hat. And he acts so “whatever, dude” about it. You would say he couldn’t care less about his looks, but that pencil mustache of his would just prove you wrong.

So yeah, he made me smile with his looks and all, then he did me a favor and I don’t remember paying any attention to him afterward. For the rest of my life that memory will stay, man. Can you tell I am smiling under my mustache here? hehe

And here I am now. Months and miles away analyzing every bit of that memory and listening to this voice on the radio that makes me live it again and again. I find it so strange… I do, really.

Monday I had the weirdest dream. It was a really sunny day, we were chilling in the land of pleasure. See now is the time when everything was perfect. We would jump around to the sound of music, being high, chewing on our tastes, swimming, and dipping in a summer house’s pool where others would chill having no worries. We would just stare at each other and smile like two kids that have no idea what is this. We took our time, but he took mine. We secluded in that far away place believing that everything was okay.

Next thing I know, we were years away and the whole world was fucked up. We were having the same house, swimming in the same pool but there were seaweeds and we were slower somehow… That was a messy world we would living in. Outside there was no power, no order, no cares about family, kids, friends and strangers. Nothing. There were no straight streets, no locks on doors and no attention. You wouldn’t even feel alive. People would act and feel like objects left aside in a storage room. Yes, there was the sun on the sky, but it was so cold everywhere. You would see babies on the streets freezing their naked bodies and protecting their open bloody wounds. Brrr…

He would look at me with fear and a restless mind saying he hates it when I am away and he’d killed me so I’d stay. Cause he knows I wouldn’t behave. Maybe him and I are a little the same, so what do you think of what we’ve made? 🙂

Babe, even though I only see you on the TV screen,
With all those girls and your toys and your pleasured scream
I’ll easy spend up all this loving for my dream boy
I don’t want to share. Even when it’s quiet, I’ll be thinking about you
I’ll be thinking about you, babe, I’ll be thinking about you.

When you’re with that other girl, I hope you’re thinking about me, I hope you’re thinking bout me, babe.
Cause I’m thinking about you.

*Thank God for music and talented people who are able to make us feel like this.

Love you, Dylan! ❤

Too bad I didn’t meet you last year 🙂

Perfect Sunday Morning

She was half asleep when he came with coffee and French croissants, her favorite. It was one of those mornings when she was smiling over a good feeling about life. It was his first time in this apartment, but he knew exactly where the coffee cups are and how to get himself comfortable in the room’s window. She would look at him sunbathing and feel jealous he took her favorite seat. “But he brought croissants. He can sit there”, she was thinking while reaching for the coffee holding the sheet around her.

– Oh, I forgot to ask, how do you like your coffee? He asked with a slight concern she might want sugar…

– Just black. She smiled and took another sip of her coffee.

– Good. So he turned confident and silent into his world by the window.

He didn’t ask anything, nor did he analyzed her anyhow. It was like he wasn’t even there. But then she asked him a million questions to nihilate the awkward silence. So they talked about his passions, her dreams, his travels, her plans, his friends, her dad and his dentist. By the time she got dressed and ready to sit in her usual window spot, he moved on a chair and started looking at her.

– We haven’t seen each other for 1,5 years. I remember that day like it was yesterday.

– I don’t remember, he said.

– It was that day I was smiling with all my sides over some good news and when I heard you’re gonna be at that party, I came to see you.

He moved to bed, needed to stretch.

She stopped talking and started analyzing him. That bright smile, his baby face, messy hair, body, hands… perfect. And he’s so calm, confident, open-minded, steady, impenetrable and wise. Flawless. Out of her world.

– I wanna hold you for a bit, he invited her back into her own bed.

She had no idea what to do, nor what to say. Eventually, she mumbled her first thought:

– I don’t cuddle…I am scared.

He looked at her with his dark empty eyes and smiled like she was talking nonsense.

– Come here.

So she did. And for the next ten minutes, she would let herself feel different waves of energy, think miles away and be proud of overcoming another fear.

Few cuddles later, he said goodbye, and all she could think of was how curious is that this perfect loving man would make her miss the one guy who is completely his opposite.