Disclosure

It says that there is just one step between love and hate. I found out people who love are more dangerous than those who hate. Being hurt after a relationship it can drive you crazy. You start talking only about what happened between you two, like you have a wound and you think you will die from it. Well some people use some bandages and move on! It heals easier that way, didn’t you know? Some just can’t stop watching it like is gonna burst into blood and even when the wound is dry they rip that skin off to see the blood again. Some blame the knife. It’s the god damn knife’s fault for everything. It doesn’t even matter if there was a knife involved in the first place…

I know what it means to suffer, to cry, to blame, to yell, to be scared and to lose a whole lifetime track. I believe I tried all these feelings and states of mind before I ended a relationship. And I did everything before because I learned from previous relationships that running before you end the fight will only bring hard time with yourself. So if there is someone else out there still wondering what the hell is wrong with me not to feel anything after 3 years of everything, hear me out: I understand it was an experience and I learnt a lot from it. I understand the wounds need time and good care to heal and I tried to respect that. I do not owe anyone any kind of explanations for who I am and what I do – besides my parents (sometimes). I don’t blame anyone and I don’t wanna judge anyone. People do crazy stuff and they take the consequences after. Like I am doing now. I am ok with people bailing on me, with friends being bored and annoyed by my moods, actually it’s not true that I don’t give a flying duck, but what a fuck should I do? I don’t beg, apologize or eat shit just because I might need them one day. I am only doing it when I know I was wrong. So you better understand that we all have responsibilities for our own deeds and we are free to choose who we love and care about no matter what our past says.

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