All my Tinder Dates

Last year in January after a huge heartbreak I was bored and boring at this party where 2 guys were swiping and giggling on their mobiles. So my sweet caring friends introduce me to Tinder by installing it to my phone. Tinder is a dating app where you swipe right on the people you like and left to those you don’t. If the people you like they like you back, then it’s a MATCH!!! You have no idea how much excitement this function can bring you, especially if you’re not a social butterfly. So you start by creating a profile with your facebook account where you have your first name, age, maximum 6 pictures and a short description (I am saying short because nobody is reading more than 1 paragraph anyway). The guy who installed Tinder for me, an Australian living in Copenhagen, showed me his profile: first picture – him in a suit at a fancy party – “To show I am good looking and hanging out in cool places.” Second picture: him holding a baby kangaroo – “To point I am sweet and into baby/pets stuff.” Third pic: Morgan with his granny – “Chicks love this stuff!” :)) This was his strategy and it was damn good!

I went to my first date after 2 months of chatting around. Andreas (DK) was hot, smart, arrogant and sweet in the same time. I was so nervous that day I even asked my ex for advice. “What am I gonna say? How should I react?!” My ex (the asshole) was quite nice and honest: “Just be yourself and don’t mention you’re still fucking me!”  Andreas was late for 30 minutes and I had that awkward moment sitting alone at the table and looking at every single guy that walked out the door and wishing to be (or not to be) him. I mean everyone is talking how people don’t look like in the picture and I am also one of them 😛 ! So we drank a cup of tea (TEA?!!) and we talked mostly about people’s conditions and …religion. Oh well… After a lovely perfect date, Andreas walked me home and never called me again.

I was actually quite proud of myself after the first date. The guy was really nice, the date went good and I didn’t make a fool out of myself. I don’t mind he didn’t call me. We are fb friends now 😉

My second date was a Greek – super sweet guy. But too sweet and boring. I wanted to leave the moment I recognize him – I was sitting on a patio – of course he was late too and I let him walk around the building for 5 minutes … I wanted to bail on him, but I’m not that mean and he won his chance. I accepted to meet with him because he made me laugh and he had one good line: “I believe there is no better way to show a lady your sincere respects than taking her out on a nice date. Would you like to go out with me?” I had to say yes – even though I knew he’s not my type. I lied to him when he asked me what went wrong… How could I tell a guy my fuck buddy says he’s too ugly? 😮

Lucky number 3 was from Romania! Yeah, you can meet people from all over the world on Tinder! Hot, smart, polite, sweet and into me! Boy, I even told my parents about how great this guy was! The first date was great and the second one even better. He played me wrong though. You don’t treat a girl like a princess if you only wanna have sex, right? But this guy didn’t know that. The line that scared him off was “If you are really good in bed, I might fall in love with you!” He wanted to play a game which neither of us knew the rules. We were friends for a couple of months then he blocked me on Fb. I am still thinking about him… as the first guy who blocked me on facebook (sigh). I deleted Tinder after.

But in the summer time every day was perfect for a date so Tinder was back on my phone. Number 4 was Mathias. Ginger, Danish, teacher, funny, intelligent, nice, kind and …well everything except hot. I knew he’s not my type, but after 6 weeks of chatting, you wanna meet “your friend”. So in a sunny Tuesday he waited up for me with 2 coffees to go, a champagne bottle and 2 glasses. We sat for 2 hours on a bench near Christianshavn Canal and had lovely conversations. I told him I wanna be friends and hang out… but he just wanted more: “I have enough friends”. Oh well… I don’t.

So if all the dates are hot, smart funny guys and not to mention free drinks, why the hell not to go to more? So next Friday I said yes to this arrogant bastard who I still care about! He was a total Danish hipster player. He barely wrote to me and the only thing I remember from our 20 words conversations on tinder was “I would kill the guy who stole your bike!!” Uuuuu, we have a hero here! I have to meet this guy!! Bullshit! I just wanted to meet the guy to give him a lesson! Something like “this is a lovely girl you’re talking to and you better pay me some attention!” Done! We talked for 4 hours on the lakes and I liked that he was smiling all the time (but he was just imagining all sort of other stuff). He actually invited me for a second date and I actually ditched him for my third date that week. The next day I was already exhausted. Both guys were smart and funny and I had to keep up with them. Coffee. Closest café. 2 hours before work. Guy: Danish, French, Peruan – 3 nationalities. Damn! I didn’t do my homework for that one. Cute, but too weird. Intelligent, but too much of a bragger and the rest it doesn’t matter because I was already making plans with the guy before him.

So I had a Tinder dating marathon one week in July. But even though I felt exhausted, 3 dates in a week is not too many – I know people who have more and keep going. I am kinda embarrassed to talked about the 2,5 times I had sex with Tinder guys… 0.5 goes to Romania and 2 to Danish arrogant smiling hero. A lot of alcohol and smoking was involved, and of course my shyness or lack of experience. September: deleting Tinder again.

December. A very sad and lonely month. Tinder is back. I told myself that after denying Romanians for life and getting tired of weird Danes, other nationalities would do better. Portugal. Hot in the pictures. Great first date. I have to give the guy some credit for the courage he had to kiss me after only 3 hours of talking!  Hehe. Luckily was a good match. Until food came. After several dates and lots of plans, we had breakfast (not after sex – which never happened). And right there, at the breakfast table, something terrible happened. He said something like “margarine is my favorite butter” and all my passion died. Yeah, I know, right??

Lithuania has some really interesting guys. But one is enough. He was really hot. I knew how limited our discussions will be so I said I could have him as a gym trainer. I was so confident I didn’t wear make up and at 1pm I was ordering beer. I guess that’s why he told me he had 2 ex wifes and 2 kids. AT 27!!!!!!! Because …accidents. Say what? “Well my darling, in this case I will never sleep with you!” He looked like 21…damn!

UK. 28. Architect. Traveller. Hipster. Beard. Hot. Arrogant. Smart but not enough. He was late too. I don’t get what’s wrong with the Brits and their insults…Dudes, it’s not hot calling a girl “ass”, “douche” or whatever bollocks you have there. Well, it was a nice date and he said he’s gonna call. But the next day we randomly met and he didn’t recognise me…We hi5ed and never met again :)))

Island!!! I guess this is another funny story. A guy friend picked this one for me. He was checking my tinder matches and said Mister Island was hot. Also, the Islander was pretty smart and eager to meet me. Until I went there wearing the same shirt… Never saw him again. And it wasn’t because of the shirts. We were just too arrogant and impatient.

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Tinder deleted.

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