How Men Ruined Dating For Me

I learned about the concept of dating when I came to Denmark. And it was only then when I realized people call “dating” something that I thought is just “hanging out with guys”.

When a Danish guy told me a date = When the guy asks you out and he pays for it I stopped letting men paying for my drinks and wasting their time (first reason why I am single, lonely and not that rich). Hard thing to let go since for me the idea of men paying for ladies’ drinks is as normal as opening doors. But in Denmark there is a strong concept of equality and the freedom of speech is at its best. So, beats me where chivalry has gone or whatever that is nowadays.

In Denmark I started dating because of a handsome young man who reminded me how stomach butterflies feel like. It was summer time and he was waiting for me at the end of the metro stairs with coffee or stolen flowers. Then we would go for long walks and laugh nervously. At the end we would madly kiss on a bench and go home. I totally loved that game and to be honest, I kept a girlie hope that someone is waiting for me there… Sigh. But after months of seeing just hobos at the metro stairs, I bought a bike.

Then I met an older guy who actually dragged me in another kind of dating. Secret cocktail bars, smoky bodegas and his apartment. I asked to pay on our second date because I really wanted him in the friend zone. But he was smarter. He started a game I have never played before and the rules were all his and never ending. One big part of this game was actually dating other people. Hello there, Tinder! So this is how I lost my game and started a more complicated one.

After a marathon of tinder dates, I realized I was never actually available. I was just social experimenting and trying everything that seemed new and fun. Like pushing limits and making bad calls. When I finally knew what I want, I deleted Tinder. I did accomplished most of what I set out to do, except finding love, therefore now I am struggling in a market of high expectations.

The thing is we live in a hook-up culture which has nothing to do with honesty and that throws me right at the end of the top players’ list. It’s hard times we are dating now and reading between the lines should be an asset, but man, first you need to speak some urban dictionary and listen to a lot of insights to actually understand some moves. Take “fwb”, “swag”, “sick”, “tote”, “stroking”. Yeah, I know, probably not the kind of words your future significant one should use, but what if you are into someone who does? Then again, in my attempt of wanna be cool I was told that every time I am using the word “bae” my IQ drops 50 points. I said I am playing the stupid girl, therefore it’s allowed. But honestly, I have never used the word since. That was last week. Such a turn off! That guy…  :))))

So what are the rules in this hook-up culture? Like who should call first and who is should be waiting? Apparently Bruce Lee said that “Shouldism is based on dissatisfaction”. Shouldism is about spending time thinking what you should do and should not do and you spend a lot of time playing this game (called “self-torture game”) with yourself. Thus, when you are generally not satisfied. you just dive into the should and shouldn’t question waters and freaking swim without a compass. There are no stated rules when it comes to the dating culture, but there are plenty of unspoken ones that we are assumed to know. If he buys your coffee, it’s a date, but then, if he asks you to pay the cab, it’s not. But if you do, it’s just like going Dutch so the date loses its value of romance. And a little romance hasn’t killed nobody, therefore, if one likes it, the other should be at least fine with that. Damn, why is it so complicated??!

What about talking with friends? I always need a second or third opinion. So I have a bunch of consultants I go to:

me: So I met this guy last week. We had great convo, amazing chemistry and he never called me again. Ah, what should I do?

Girl friend #1: Fuck that asshole! On to the next one! [yeah, like there are so many…]

Gf#2: Just wait. He will come around… I am sure he will realized how wonderful you are. [yeah, from my Fb pictures]

Gf#3: Text him. Say something stupid. Guys like stupid girls. [50 points less of IQ]

gf#4: The curse of true love never did run smooth…[K, mom…]

Ok, you freaks!!! Who should I listen to? Super hot bitchy Gf#1 who is always surrounded by guys, but never satisfied? Lovely, optimistic, romantic and in a relationship GF#2? Crazy no filter Gf#3 or Miss Shakespeare #4? I am more confused than before. I start picturing 4 different kind of scenarios and make a stupid move, of course – because I am really bad at making moves – and I get rejected. The guy is simply just not that into me. Oh well, I kinda knew that from the next day, but I was hoping my ego will not be disappointed again… I only have one heart, I can take it, but my ego…oh boy, he cries like a baby!

This weekend one of my girlfriends told me I am officially the worst girl when it comes to hooking-up. Just because it took me 4 hours to realize that the guy dancing next to me all night might be into me? Also, she would say that I made a bad move when I asked the guy if he’s a pimp, cuz he was watching girls all night and then negotiating with his buddies. What?!! I thought that was funny… :))) (guess I really lost some IQ points with that “bae”)

So, what to do? I am stuck. I suck. I have no idea what men like or expecting me to say and do.

Here is the funniest shit I read tonight. I guess for me is so funny because chances to have a crazy dude like that are like 1%. Oh well, maybe if I start calling him bae… 😀

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One comment

  1. Reblogged this on FIXPINK and commented:

    It’s been 2 years since I wrote this piece and I’ve been reliving it every time I went on Tinder and back 😆
    I dedicate it to my girl friend A. who went to her first Tinder date today and to another tinderella girl I just met today.
    ❤️
    Enjoy dating!

    Like

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