One of my 2019’s wishes was to discover the perfect relationship. What is the perfect relationship and why set up a goal so high, you ask? Well firstly, you never know until you get it, and secondly, because when your goals are so high, if you fail, ‘you will fail above everyone else’s success’ (JC). And you wanna be high! 😀
For the past year, I have learnt that my parents were right: you need to fix what’s broken as many times as you can before you throw it away, and you measure that by your guts, not ego, not other people’s expectations (including your parents’). This is the secret of an old school long lasting relationship. A perfect relationship can feel amazing after years of knowing each other, being together, being apart, having several boyfriends and girlfriends, traumas and completely different lives. It’s absolutely amazing to feel comfortable to speak every little piece of your mind at any given moment, and in the same time to be able to keep a secret from the same person. It’s powerful and inspiring for the ones struggling to constantly wonder why are their partners or friends being or not being ‘like that’.
It’s also painful as fuck. I mean there are Way too many times when the things you think and share with someone will completely hurt them. Like when you say you love them but you want them to be free, to go out there and experience more than they have. That will make them feel not good enough and struggle thinking what to do to impress and make you love them back. It feels like a loss and a trap, when it is actually just a proof of love for both parties (or indeed some act of selfishness, but that is another story). Because you can’t feel free unless you free (from) someone. But then again it comes The Fix – almost like Jimmy Carr’s – and that sheds some light and ties the knots stronger. With a sense of humour, a kind voice, a couple of tears will definitely be tagging along (totally organic and I am not being sarcastic), you can communicate your intention, what your feelings and fears are to reduce all the tension. Sometimes you will discover and understand things that were holding you back for way too long as they were never discussed.
A perfect relationship is based on trust. Trust does not come to someone you have hurt! Please remember that there are no enough amount of sorries that can rebuild a long broken trust. Or maybe there are but I have lost count and moved on? hmmm. We all admire people who can build and win someone’s trust. But how can we do that? I asked my manager the other day. He said he is no expert in that, but then again he led us all into an entire workshop themed on trust. Cheers to that!!
Back to my parents’ story. They are happily in love right now, as they were from the beginning, and a few times in between all the fucking troubles they’ve been through. If you are not a couple it can be rather unpleasant to be around them. You can see two people totally mirroring each other without being anything alike. My mother chose my dad based on her … Well she saw him and said: that’s the man I am gonna marry! And to this day there is no other man worthy of her in entire universe – at least that’s what she says with her body and soul. My dad was the Casanova type. He tried quite a few ladies, including most of my mom’s college-mates before he thought he is choosing her. I think she was so mysterious that none of us knows exactly why they matched! Haha. Jk. She was everything and more my dad could even dream of. She has been his wife, his rock, his lover, his best friend, his entire world’s caretaker and his motivation for over 3 decades. And now they are starting over. Something. A perfect relationship it seems. Going to dates, movies, trips, having sex and wishing everyone the same.
On a friendship level, there are so many types of perfect relationships out there. I’ve also experienced the ones where we talk once a year and that is so fucking deep it’s enough for months to digest. Because we are living in different worlds and stack of goals, with different entourages and dreams we dream. And that’s even better to absorb about just here and then. ‘I miss you and I love you’ are on place, as long with ‘dude, I fucking admire you for your courage of speaking up and facing that fear of yours’.
This society has been pushed the farthest we’ve ever been with a huge amounts of resources. Starting a relationship and being honest about how you don’t want to label it, what your boundaries are, and being able to express your feelings is absolutely marvelous. People who are dating themselves without fucking knowing it’s another level or relationships, whether is literally or subconsciously. And then they love/hate each other for turning themselves into something they always wanted to be.
Sometimes a smile and a good kiss can make someone remember you forever. And that is a simply perfect relationship, right? 🙂