Closing John

Hey gorgeous, thanks for meeting me. I really need to say how sorry I am for making you go through probably a very intense exercise of imagining what has been going on with me all this time I was silent. I would like to open up to you and let you decide what you feel next about me and us as I got really frustrated with myself and you deserve to know.

Hey, John! Good to see you. It’s been a while. Well then, let me hear it.

If you remember, last time we met I was telling you how I’ve been going through a traumatic relationship and then a shitty breakup which I am not sure if it’s healed by now, but I can assure you I am working on it. Your courage to open up to me and express your feelings inspired me to do the same. 

Oh boy…

No oh boy, it’s okay. I have this voice in the back of my head keep yelling at me whenever I get distracted at work, or when I drink and the conversation gets boring, sometimes at night when I go to bed and I remember you here. Or there, in your space. I can’t get rid of the memory of your smell or laughter. It’s been under my skin for weeks and it scares the shit out of me, ‘cause I don’t want it. I did not plan for it, and I am startled by it. I need to put an end to it as I do not believe is the best for me at the moment to be with you. Not even in my head.

Okay… still, oh boy!

Yeah, well maybe oh girl, I am sorry, but I have to let you go as I cannot offer you what you deserve at this point in my life. You are probably the best person I could be with but it’s too painful for me to get my shit done so fast and so intense. Moreover with a new girl. That scares the shit out of me. It just does. I never thought about it, but it just makes so much more sense when I say it outloud. 

Okay, so you are ending things your way now…

I am just giving you what you need. Telling you what you actually want to hear. The truth. 

Thank you. 

No! Thank you! For being with me every single day I was away and feeling lonely and lost. You were here, holding my hand, holding my head and giving me hope and reason to come back and start stronger and better. You make me want to be better and you make me see who I am in a painful but healthy way. So yeah, thanks for putting up with my shit, thanks for letting me be, but most of all, thanks for not accepting any less than I can give you, and nothing less than what you deserve. 

Well… you’re fucking welcome!

Now, dont be mad, we can still be friends… 

Dude… get in line. There are so many awaiting for my company over their lonely pasta dinners or beer cravings. 

I get that. 

Yeah, well. Good luck in your self-discovery period and thanks for coming and doing this. Appreciate you! 

Now, if you got mad at me for tossing John at the end, you must not know the story of how he broke my heart! Well my self-esteem.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: