How I Found My New Job on Tinder

I swiped right.

The end.

🙂

Oh, you want the long version? Ok.

It was a dull grey day of February this year and I was a month old unemployed graduate laying in my bed. It must have been past noon when I finished replying to everyone and I went back on swiping.

I can’t remember exactly what exactly I was looking on Tinder that time, but it was my second last season. I got nothing else but time back then. So I did spend a few extra seconds actually reading people’s profiles. And there it was. Marketing Campaign Specialist. Bam! I instantly swiped right and it was definitely a match. Little that I knew that was one of the best matches ever!

The marketing campaign specialist agreed to meet me for a coffee and it was really cozy, although we mostly talked about how he got the job, at my request, of course. He suggested I should apply. I said, “Ok”. It took me 8 months. Not to prepare, but to work for free, spend a very short last summer season on Tinder, do some travels, internships, and volunteering, before I came across to the campaign specialist’ company again. I actually texted him saying, “hey, I am about to apply”. “Good luck!” he said. Then I got invited for an interview. “Hmm, that was fast”. Wondered if my Tinder match put a word for me? We met the second time and he said: “No, I didn’t mention you. If anything, that’s on you”. Well, thank you, mister! What a jerk, right? 😀 just kidding. He’s the nicest guy!

How did you find out about this job?

The recruiter asked me.

Well… you’ll laugh, but it was from a Tinder date.

She laughed hard.

I know it’s funny, I added, but just imagine my story if I get the job! 😀

To be honest, I wasn’t sure she’ll get me the job after saying that, but I guess I was a good match. And here is my story!

You’re welcome!

PS: this is for all those who can’t find love on Tinder.

Moral: find something else!

 

My life is like a movie

You’re life sounds like a movie.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, well I wouldn’t be rich, but I would definitely get extra incentive to think I am being watched. 😀 No, it’s because of the stories I tell. When I was younger I used to make them up, not I just live them (guess I ran out of imagination). I know what you’re thinking, someone should be paying me, but not to worry, that day will come, my friend!

Most of the times I write about myself, but sometimes I describe other characters in a silly way meant to make people smile. That reminds me I should thank again to all my tinder dates who participated in my experiments just to entertain my readers. Well, also to get some – which didn’t really happened as expected… (sad face). There were some people who unfriended me, but hey, if you don’t get my humor, our friendship it’s doomed at my first joke anyway. Therefore, I hope today’s character won’t take it very personally. He actually asked me not to write about him, so I will make it again just about me.

He’s a guy I went on a date with recently. Well, actually there were three dates in one day. I know, right?!! Damn, I am kinda proud of this too. It’s been ages since I got to the second date. So, are you ready to read the script for the next Dafta movie?

It was a Wednesday, January night, almost as dark as this one, but with a less entertained me, so… as any unemployed, single slash hot and pretentious modern girl, I went on the App Store. That’s right. Tinder popped out yelling hard “You, quitter!”. Can’t lie to you, it made me think twice about my adventures there… but how can I go back? I said I won’t do it again – too much history repeating – every time the same shit: “You look hot, I wonder if you’re smart” and then he goes: “Of course my darling, I can be anything you want!”. Bah. Booooooring! next!

So, I didn’t reinstall or create a Tinder profile (for the 7th this time), but then I did remember a friend telling me about this other app which is really accurate and serious: Ok, Cupid! Let’s see what you got.

OkCupid is a dating app which uses “math to find you dates”. So just like other 1M “magic algorithms” that find people I will “actually like”. Haha, so funny. I thought I was the only girl creating a profile that night, but over one million people install it per week. There are 7.3M messages per day and I got 47 guys texting me in less than 24 hours with at least 2 lines of text – that means I contributed…Umm, just about x% to that achievement, Ok Cupid?

“Making the ineffable totally eff-able

When it comes down to it, there are 3 principles that make OkCupid the best dating site on Earth: our love of math, we’re always free, and everyone’s welcome.”

Math, freedom, and…welcomes? Doesn’t make any sense, but I love math. So, back to my experience. I was surfing and could see guys who were online, guys who recently joined or guys who were checking me out – which I don’t appreciate! I mean, I know they are doing it, I don’t need the confirmation of that, ok? (oh, look at that: I grew up!). Then you could just text everyone you want – the match thing is just for this cupid to remind you that this is all a game which you’re playing with real people. Sick! Oh, but the best part of this dating app is the matching percentage. After answering a bunch of questions about yourself, your future relationship and the rest of your ideal daily life, you can see who do you match with from 0 to 100%. I checked out all the guys and the maximum I got was a 78%, which I would say it’s ok for 3 pictures and checking some boxes. The algorithm is using the answers I checked for “him” because every question has the option of your answer but also what you would like your match to answer. In other words, you build your date/SO just like tomorrow’s office look.

I realize now that I developed an interest in exploring this kind of apps; think I should add it as a hobby in my CV? Don’t think I have room for that so I will just increase my level at UX 😉

So, while I was exploring the profiles of those I got high match percentages, guess what? Most of them were fat, ugly or Muslim. I mean seriously?!! What kind of questions did I answer and how come this “Match in the name of love” algorithm can’t tell I fall for hot-fit-agnostic ones? Oh, funny thing: I got a message from a guy I met on Tinder 2 years ago, emphasizing on our situation. Then we did some catch-up, and I have to say that I was a bit jealous when I heard that meanwhile he even had a relationship, broke up and got back on dating apps. Tsk, tsk. Made me wonder: what did I do the past 2 years?? Oh, yeah, that MSc thing, CBS, Australia and the whole contemplation on my life.

But hey, enough with the details, and let’s go back to my date. I liked his profile, don’t remember why, but I just got this feeling it’s a perfect written one and it had such great impact on me I had listened to this guy over and over again. First, when he suggested we should have a date on Skype. Second, when at the second date he made me listen to music so I would just read his lips, and last when I deleted my profile right after our third date – just like he implied I would do. Smart, right? Well, I only date smart guys – unless they are hot and funny. 😀 This guy was 70% perfect for me (according to OkCupid). Too bad I wasn’t (I couldn’t read his lips right when he said he wants to dance with me and I thought he was proposing. Ooopsie).

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How did I plan my future.

I was always concerned about my future. Well, I had to. Having a little brother to inspire and a very generous family to make them proud, helped a lot. It was 2 years before I went to high school when my father told me we should talk:

– Have you thought about which high school you wanna graduate from?

– Uhm…not really.

– Well, it is very important that you know what you want and start working for it. It won’t be easy to get accepted to a good school and you need to start thinking about your future.

– I think I wanna be a writer.

– A writer? That’s not gonna bring you wealth easily…but if you ask me, I think you should go for economics. That’s the future of this country.

Four years later, I was half way done with the Economical College (high-school), when my father asked me again about my future. I could not see myself doing Debits and Credits for the rest of my life so I told him I wanna become a journalist.

– Are you sure? You could have a pretty good salary working in a bank and you are good at it.

– No, dad, is just not me. I wanna study Communication Sciences and I wanna go live in the biggest city in Romania (Bucharest).

– Well, you can study Journalism, but I would suggest a closer city (Cluj-Napoca). It’s for the best…

Five years later I got all my family coming down to the second biggest city in Romania to celebrate my Bachelor Degree in Journalism.

I got my first job after high-school and I basically support myself ever since. Not because I didn’t get money from my parents, but because I wanted to be a strong independent woman. I never wanted to disappoint them, but in order to make some decisions of my own, I had to prove I am responsible enough. And guess what? 🙂

I always wanted to study abroad, so after 5 years of my education in Romania, I started another round of studies.

Although a million things have changed since I was a little girl, my father still asks me about my future every time we talk. Last week I told him I plan to become a Senator in Romania. Not that I have any idea how am I gonna do it, but at least I know it makes him happy.

 

 

So… I graduated (again).

July 2007 – January 2017. It looks like it took me a little longer than I expected, but hey, I graduated! Of 10 years, 5 Universities, 3 countries and 10 different rooms I had to share with other students or strangers. Tons of papers to read and so many courses I have no idea when they will use me or how. Ask me about some and I’ll probably won’t remember a thing. That’s how you get when you study too much. Burned out. So, now what?

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A real job. Adulthood. Taxes. Loans. Debts. Long term plans. Responsibilities. A stable home. A husband? Hah. I should be able to get all of these with my degrees, right? 😀 It’s like getting out of High School again and I have no idea what I am gonna do with my life. But this time I won’t go to college. I am gonna try the real world.
So wish me luck!

“What Would Vio Do?”

I’m doing ok. Planning a winter trip to Bali, with Ryan. Backpacking style. Want to hit up temples, do some meditating and reset overall. It’s considered the world’s purification spot… i’m hoping i’ll return renewed and grounded. I need some chill and drive. I want to return with a clearer head. I’m hopefully going to start an internship when i get back, and hit the job market by next summer or fall. Exciting and terrifying at the same time. What are u up to these days? What’s difficult to overcome? I’ve always felt i could play the “what would Vio do?”, i feel like you always seem to find the answers to what can help you grow. I think our biggest fear becomes the constraint of a boring repetitive job, one that stagnates our accumulation of knowledge. Then again, continuing to float around in endless degrees and post graduates only pushes that back… i’ve gotten so comfortable looking forward to being nursed by profs and curricula, that now i dread the day when i have to be a 9-5er. I might visit Europe in the summer, i’m looking into potentially moving to Berlin, but i want to see it first, and get a sense of it, before i dive in. People keep scaring me about Germany and how dismissive they are of outsiders, so i don’t know if i’d be willing to go through it again. And don’t say ‘come here’, i like the sun! Hahaha

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 I like the sun too, babe! ❤

Falling in love (Master Thesis)

[Introduction]

 

When I left Australia I knew I will go back someday and that’s because I fell in love. Some people say I fall in love every day with something or someone, but the way I did it in Australia was absolutely amazing. My experience there reinstalled my belief that I am able to feel things I thought there are only for the fortunate ones. Unfortunately, now I have plenty of unanswered questions about this newly rediscovered phenomenon called “love”. This article aims to answer a few of them.

 

[Literature review]

 

Aron et al. (1997) have made this practical experiment to create closeness between individuals under controlled conditions and illustrated its applicability for testing theoretical issues. The idea behind was to structure self-disclosure between strangers in  only 45 minutes. However, being inspired by the “acquaintance paradigm” of Collins and Miller (1994), the study was meant to develop a temporary feeling of closeness, not an actual going relationship. Closeness is defined as “including other in the self” by Aron et al. (1992) and similar to what researchers call intimacy. “Intimacy is a process in which each feels his or her innermost self validated, understood, and cared for by the other” (Reis & Shaver, 1988). But as you probably agree, there are plenty of other definitions to words like these.

 

Furthermore, to have a better understanding of the closeness study, I will use the more popular and modern love essay written by Mandy Len Catron (2015) called “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This”. She calls the closeness study a success of making two strangers fall in love in the laboratory and demonstrates it with her own. Her experiment was quite like mine in Australia:  I went there to fall in love, but when four months had past and the only one I could feel some kind of closeness was my unattractive roomie, I gave up on men. I was like “damn it, I am incapable of feeling and maybe I will actually ending up marring a friend and not a lover like my roomie”.

 

[methodology]

 

In June I went to see Uluru, the biggest rock in the world. [😃 Sorry, is just I cannot smiling whenever I start this story…] The night before I had a date with a guy that looked just like prince William (for real). Let me explain the correlation. When I saw their picture (Figure 1) in 2014 I just knew I wanna go there. I had no idea why, but I really wanted a picture like that. Additionally, the photo has history (figure 2).

 

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Fig 1

 

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Fig 2

 

The day before my trip I went shopping for a similar royal dress. All I could find was one with bears and I didn’t fall with my date William, nor did I take him with me.

 

My trip to Uluru was planned long time before I arrived to Australia, but I didn’t know it until I left there. It was a rainy day and I was one of the 2% lucky tourists to be there when it rains. 3 hours after my arrival I freaked out. The sun was up, I checked everything out but what in the God’s name was I doing there all by myself? It was the first time I went somewhere completely alone without any plans. I think it was minutes later I heard his voice. It wasn’t God, it was the guy that now is part of my “eat, pray, love” story down under.

 

But let’s go back to Catron. Just like myself before Uluru when I said outloud and very serious that I need my love to eat and pray, Catron needed a man to make the love experiment. They knew each other from university and she chose him after just a “glimpse into his days on Instagram” and a few rounds at the gym (fair enough).

 

I explained the study to my university acquaintance. A heterosexual man and woman enter the lab through separate doors. They sit face to face and answer a series of increasingly personal questions. Then they stare silently into each other’s eyes for four minutes. The most tantalizing detail: Six months later, two participants were married. They invited the entire lab to the ceremony.
‘let’s try it’, he said

 

I know, right? this just made you think of that one person you would wanna fall in love with and text them right away. But hold your horses for a second here, will ya?

 

[discussion]

 

Just like so many other people I know, Catron turned to science whilst being in the midst of a breakup “hoping there was a way to love smarter”. With an iPhone and 36 questions, these two “acquaintances” fall in love in a bar that night and they are still together.
I didn’t have to ask my guy too many questions. I just got sucked into his ocean blue eyes, his wide and silly smile, and …ok, can you hear my chuckles now? 😃
Catron (2015) brings upfront how everyone has a narrative of themselves that they offer up to strangers, but Dr. Aron’s 36 questions make it impossible to rely on that narrative. She says that when you are young, it feels natural to get to know someone quickly and it rarely happens in the adult life. I would add to this the fact that we know so little about the world as youngsters and too much about ourselves when we grow up. Please feel free to disagree.

 

[findings]

 

Falling in love in a laboratory is definitely less romantic than in the middle of Australia’s red desert under the starry skies. But getting to know someone, evolving, growing in and out of love, being in a relationship and letting someone to know you, well that’s a successful story.
I’ve skied steep slopes and hung from a rock face by a short length of rope, but staring into someone’s eyes for four silent minutes was one of the more thrilling and terrifying experiences of my life. I spent the first couple of minutes just trying to breathe properly. There was a lot of nervous smiling until, eventually, we settled in.
[conclusion]

 

You need to trust yourself and go for what you want with all the patience in the world. Staring into someone eyes might make you the most vulnerable you have ever been. Letting someone to get to know you might be dangerous, but seeing someone seeing you increases way more the level of your vulnerability. Now, my Question #37:
Are you willing to fall in love?

Message In A bottle

I am not 21. I am not even 27… Probably by now you know how old I am and whatever you think it has a “damn” in it. No, pretty sure it’s more like a “Daaaaaaamn!”
Damn what?
Damn, girl, you don’t look like? Damn, aren’t you old for this shit? Damn, you don’t sound like it? Daaaaamn, girl, you’re a woman? Damn, are you gonna write this on your blog? 😮
I am probably asking myself these things more than you are, but I heard some really impregnated reactions lately so I couldn’t help thinking of…what you’re thinking 😛
The oldest (cool) guy I met down here is 29yo in papers, but not a day more than 21 in real life. He has to smoke weed, drink shit loads of beers and break his bones every day while surfing to make it. For some reason I get him and I even relate to him – except the surfing part – I like my body in one piece – and I am sincerely trying to quit drinking beer, though it’s way better in Australia than Europe!
This guy invented a game called “The girl of the week”. He would choose a pretty girl on the beach every week and collect the memories in between substances. This reminded of my first time… I was the girl of the week on a sunny beach for a hot guy who never called me afterwords. He did actually found me 4 years later in a bar and gave me his apologies  and a huge great reason. Since then I can’t trust a guy who plays this game, but surely it’s super fun when you’re on a beach for less than a week and make your fantasies come true.
❤ Also, it’s more memorable if you’re not doing it every week…
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Surfer Boy splashing me away
Some people have goals when it comes to relationships. And you’re like “who doesn’t?” but I am talking of the most “insignificant” relationships that actually last forever – even though it was just a fucking one night stand for the other side. Stories like this will always be remembered. We make them happen for our “bitch if you have” portfolio. We live them even more intense when turned on by the faces of those who will hear the stories. We do it for the most craziest reasons. Like “I saw that in the movie” or “I wanna write about this”.
But it gets tiring… I am pretty sure the old surfer had his dry weeks too. Long, white nights when looking at a ceiling and thinking what the hell is he doing with his life. Is this who he actually is? Does he love himself? And what about that girl? Is the girl from last week the one? Or maybe he will never find a girl like THAT ONE. I am talking about Sarah, that amazing bitch who gave him the best days of his life. The one girl who he can fuck for hours, days and weeks without being high. She was one helluva girl. But they both knew they are not meant forever…she wanted a career in the city, he was a dreamer and loved his wild life on the beach. Maybe it’s time he should compromise? Maybe he would be happier in her arms in a nice condo in Sydney right now?  Then he pictures their wedding and his parents’ faces full of joy and accomplishment. All their friends would be super fucking proud and drunk at the party of the year. Few years later they will have a kid and all he’s gonna teach him would be surf, skating and football. School is pointless anyway. Sarah did it for so long they have it for 2 generations. They’ll still be looking hot af and probably by then living in a nice house on the beach coast. Mmmm…now isn’t that something even you would dream of?
But then he opens his eyes, a beer and lights a joint. He’s miles away from her and that life. He doesn’t have enough money to move now to fucking Sydney, he hates the city and Sarah is probably seeing someone else right now. They haven’t talked in ages.
We get addicted easily to drugs and other vices. The individual recovery takes a lot of change of the society actually. We might be aware of our “small” addictions, but we what we are really addicted to is the society and its expectations. The moment we break out we might lose ourselves for a while… We live in a world where the most important connections we have is to the WiFi and transportation. Try to break those and survive! without alcohol. Auch…that life isn’t for everyone. We have suppliers instead of friends and lovers. We objectify people and have no idea what’s beyond their Facebook profiles or our chat windows. We are afraid of real human connections and probably immune to them, because when they’re knocking on our soul’s door we suddenly become busy and emotionally unavailable. Ah, where is my love dealer right now?? I need a dose…
It was my birthday the other day and all the good wishes made more sad than happy… One message got into my head though. It simply said:
“Stay Blessed!”
This made me be grateful for all the reasons I am extremely blessed: I am healthy, I look way younger than my age (even though I am like  40 in bunny years), I am free to do whatever I want, all my grandparents are alive and my mom is the most amazing woman I have ever met – she takes care of all of us. Also, because I found the place that gives me peace and I can call it home. The only thing that disrupts my happiness is the thought of this ending…just like every other thing you don’t fight for to make it last. Like the thought Sarah is not thinking about her beloved Surfer. That’s bullshit. I know for sure Sarah wishes the same things, but they they are on different paths and journeys at the moment. And stupidly normal, they both wait for each other 🙂
I am loved. By a few people who I should say thank you and I love you to more often… I don’t know how to express my love these days…so I will just say it here:
I FUCKING LOVE YOU!
…you, my family who for some weird reason are proud of me.
…you, my best friends who listen my shit, failures and successes.
…you, my friends who answer my stupid lazy queries.
…you, my ex-friends who I slept with but became very ungrateful, fyi: I will always cherish the good times!
…you, the men I will never have but dream of. Especially that Danish chef who doesn’t even know I exist (sigh)
…you, my fans who are invisible and extremely jealous, I love you even more for that!
and you… my future best lover, best friend and significant other. Dude, what are you doing right now? can’t you tell I am waiting for you here?
oh, and you too, freaking odd and old surfer! you are another version of me after all. Such a dreamer!
I write this for myself and those who I love. And even if I don’t know you (yet), I love you too. It’s a general state of mind this love I am sharing now. So…it’s like a message in a bottle. You never know if anyone is gonna read it, but you have the hope 🙂
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAMM8JVbr8g
ps: damn WP! is asking me to pay for upload a video! soon they will charge me for pornographic material… 😐