It was a risky move, I admit, and is not that every day comes along with a flawless British man asking me to ask him to marry me. Yes, he actually made me say it so he could play the game a little bit differently. 🙂 Cheeky, right?
The story is not that long. We met last night at a great house party where we both knew very little the crowd. We didn’t notice each other till hours later and he was friends with the guy I was going for. So I had the hots for this German/Irish speaking dude who was way more charismatic than any German I have ever met. Even now, years later, I still roll my eyes thinking about all the German guys I’ve met and dated. They are just not working for me… 😛
Ok, back to my husband from the title. When I noticed him he was right next to me at the bar – yes, the house party had a private bar with real bartenders and it was awesome! – I asked myself, how didn’t I notice him earlier tonight? He seemed really in place: six-foot tall British guy, stylish, a bit too serious for a house party, a combo of a businessman and a hipster, age fit, good smile and quite the observant type. My mom would absolutely adore him!
Since nobody was asking anything interesting after they helped me pick my cocktail, I just felt the perfect moment to engage in a serious conversation:
-Guys, I have a really serious question for you. Can you tell when a girl has a crush on you?
-Well, that is a really good question, the tall Brit said.
-Thank you! I added politely.
We all had a laugh when he said that men can tell girls like them when it’s obvious. Moving on…
-I guess you can tell by the signs. For example, the eyes can’t lie, the funny Brit continued.
When he said that, he was looking really careful into my eyes, so I couldn’t help but flash my eyelashes in a very obvious way to keep the fun tone alive. Yet, he took it as literally as the most obvious sign I am into him.
-So, for a scale of 1 to 10, how much I like you tonight? I asked keepeing my eyelashes dancing and lips zipping from the Moscow Mule.
-10! he said being dead serious.
Oh, wow, I am obvious as fuck! so obvious I can’t even joke about. I am still confused though. I am not into him, though he thinks I am. How can I be into him already? and how can that forced eyelashes game can work? Oh… that British humor.
But then, my real crush was right next to me assisting quiet and smiley.
-What do you think, mister? I asked him with in a perfect time to get away from the awkward moment where I was exposed as a complete in-love girl with a man I met 7 minutes before, and to find out the truth. How much do you think I am into you?
-Well, usually, girls tell me they like me better than my friend here. But that’s just what they tell me…
Ok, he didn’t embarrass any of us with a stupid scale number which I shouldn’t ask like that if I don’t like the answer, right? But then again, it was the first way to figure out the phenomenon I am interested in now. A few days ago, a wise man told me that guys always know when you like them! they know before you like them! How is that possible?? Such a paradox and such a good topic to explore in-depth. Another guy joined the conversation and they all admitted it’s hard to tell for sure when girls have crushes. But then again, there are too many types of men. And some make you like them just because they think you like them. And then you think the whole day about them and write a blog post. Ah, can anyone give me some spine here?
I slowly moved to another group of people and join a conversation that allowed me to process the new information. After they chatted a bit – probably on deciding on who’s gonna go after me – the confident Brit came and stole my attention with some catchy lines in my mother tongue.
-How do you say I love you in your language? he continued.
-Te iubesc, I answered.
He kept staring at me and smiling in a very intimidating way. I didn’t stare back.
-How do you say marry me?
-Vrei sa fii sotia mea?
-Not yet, darling. I don’t think I am ready for it now…
-No worries, darling. I am not looking for a wife anyway.
The condescending Brit was put down a bit and turned silent while I turned to his way hotter friend whom I think gave up on me the moment his friend fell in love. He probably realized I am actually into him and the game was over.
-Sometimes is just about the hunting game, he said.
-I agree. I must day, answering with that “10” was a bold move of your friend. For some it might seem a cocky and silly answer, but for others it might bring a really pleasant effect.
Soon after, I went home without anything but a slight regret I had a wrong strategy. Why did I want the redshirt German Irish speaking bloke – whom I knew from the beginning he’d be only a one night stand – over Mr. Britside who looked definitely husband material? 🙂
Sorry, mom. Maybe next time 😉
PS: this is my funny version of the real events happening last night. I bet some of the guests there will read this entry and could have extra info. They are all expected in my inbox. For example, these guys’ names. 😅 I just realized I didn’t even get their names
I met the guy I think I would marry. He’s amazing! Smart, funny, good looking… well actually he’s intelligent in the way that makes me listen to him and become nervous whenever I have to reply… He makes me laugh when he weirdly stresses words with his native accent or when he’s too serious – I think it’s silly. He also has beautiful hands. Probably because he draws a lot. But the best thing about this guy is his smile. Damn, that smile makes me close my eyes and become even more dreamy… Actually no. The best thing about this guy is the way he makes me feel.
The worst thing about him is that he doesn’t feel the same way about me. And he’s portraying too many sides of me I don’t like. For example, the way we can make people feel uncomfortable around us and how uncomfortable we feel afterward. He’s a mirror I love looking into, but not all the time…
I told a couple of people about him. Of course, nothing to him. I know. I know… I am delusional. But I just had a glass of red and I think I am in love. Hehe. He can be too serious and considerate with things I can make fun about all night long. He would lower my self-confidence whenever he would brag about his own. I would increase my self-esteem while making him want to lose his. It’s too complicated, right?
So what should I do? Should I do it… or should I don’t?
I might be too rational here. I wonder how he kisses like…
Ah, this stupid thing called love!
“You are a fucking human being!”
I laughed when he said that. Couldn’t believe a middle age physiotherapist I met 10 minutes ago would say that to me. It was so fucking relieving to hear someone older and with an established authority saying that to me. I just knew he understands me.
We are intelligent people. We start thinking the moment we wake up and don’t stop until we fall asleep. We don’t know how to be zen because we don’t know how to be. We pick everything apart, examine every single situation and never stop asking why? what? how? Then we drive someone crazy. Someone we love. They have a limited tolerance for a long string of “whys”.
“Are you blonde?”
Yes! I always knew there is something really dumb about my brains. Look at my hair ends, they’re all bright as the sun. ha, ha!
He laughed when I said that. Then he added it’s quite refreshing hearing someone asking silly questions like mine, because “most of the people are just trying to be perfect”.
As quora user, Marcus Geduld said, having knowledge makes us become aware of troubling things about ourselves that we are powerless to improve. That can be super demotivating and will just feed the opposite Dunning-Kruger effects. Thus, if incompetent people suffer from overconfidence because they don’t have the means to realize their relative incompetence compared to others, smart people suffer from the reverse: they tend to wrongfully underestimate their own relative competence because they have the competence to understand the skillfulness of those around them… 💔
We can talk about our feelings, no problem in that. But how do we express them and how much of relief do we actually feel in that? That’s just one common downside for those who thought having more IQ points would make them happier. We think more than we feel and, if that’s not enough, we spend too much time contemplating, analyzing, therefore overthinking things. Because we realize how nothing really means anything and we are desperately searching for meanings. Till it drives us crazy… 💔
We have such a hard time making choices… because we are aware of the possible ramifications of our decisions. Moreover, the more we educate ourselves, the more we can appreciate the limitation of our own cognition. In other words, the more we know, the more we understand how much we don’t know… 💔
And then the voices…
Why are you single? you are smart.
Why can’t you find a job? you are smart.
What else do you need in life? you are smart.
Depression. Difficulty in relating with peers. Getting bored too fast. Hard times making friends/ Pressure on your own self. Self-esteem issues… 💔
Society expects us to be smart and kind, wise and nice, and, “to do something for the human race”. Be all super humans. But how can we do something for a world in which we barely have a handful of friends who are not pressurized by our “smartness”, who do not assume and expect things from us just because we are smart?
When she left the house, she only had in mind one drink and no expectations. She would go to bed early that night and nothing would change in her life. Little did she knew that wasn’t the case…
She was sitting at the bar thinking what to drink when he told her not to worry, he knows exactly what she needs. “Wait a minute”, she said, “you don’t even know what I don’t like”. “Tell me, then”, he said. It almost sounded silly when she said it out loud, but he didn’t seem to care, that wouldn’t change his mind anyway.
He got it right. “He’s good”, she told herself.
A couple hours later, while contemplating if it was the right time for her to go home or if she should stay a little bit longer… he kissed her. His hands found their way through her loose hair, grabbed her neck with a confident force and pulled her lips on top of his with no shame. Yet, that kiss was magical! One of those that hypnotizes one to lose track of time, space and own body.
When she woke up in the morning she looked at him sleeping next to her and wrote him a letter:
Dear Mr. B,
Thank you for tonight. You made me feel nervous and anxious, but also admired and spoiled. The whole setting was romantic and sexy. Those dim lights on the tall walls, the classical music in the background and those lovers in the back, topped with some aphrodisiac in my drinks and the way you looked into my eyes. Oh, man…
I had no expectations when I came to see you, but you managed to create some and exceed them before I even asked. You look sweet and you seem kind, honest and polite. Maybe too much. I know we just met, but I feel comfortable and safe with you. Which is dangerous now, because you are going to travel around the world, learn how to play guitar, make some art and become a better version of you. In a few years, you are going to be exactly the man I foresee in you, and the man I would definitely love right now because that is who I want. Not the boy you are now.
Bummer, you just said something in your sleep and for a second I was afraid you gonna wake up and I wouldn’t know what to do or say to you. On the other hand, I kinda wished you would wake up and kiss me again. But you just turned on the other side just like a baby sleeping in his own bed. Lucky me…
I have no idea if I will see you again, nor how long will you remember me, but I am glad I met you. Yes, everything would have been different if I hadn’t had come to see you tonight, but it’s too late now. You had to kiss me, didn’t you? 🙂
I had an awesome time with you. Please don’t hesitate to call me. In 3 years.
She left before he woke up. He never tried to find her. They never forgot each other.