The Cheesiest Kiss

A few weeks ago, around 2:00 am, on the way from one bar to another, I stopped on the side of the street to talk to some strangers that seem like nice people. What are you guys doing tonight?
Among them, there was one boy that wasn’t scared of me. Well, he was quite drunk, and unaware of what he’s getting himself into.
What’s your name? I asked him.
When he told me his name was just as my Teddy Bear’s, I was l like awww that is too cute. I bet I am as huggable as your Teddy Bear. 🐻 I knew right there he’s not just a flirt, he also needs affection and, luckily, I like hugging people. The hug was long and honest. He smiled when our bodies separated and he leaned to my face to kiss me. And there I was, in the middle of the night, hugging a stranger and having two seconds to think my next step:
‘Ok, this is a complete stranger whom I can’t even tell if he’s hot or not, why should I kiss him? Think fast! Well, I wanted to kiss someone cute tonight, and none of the other guys got me in this weird but sweet situation. And he is indeed as huggable as my Teddy Bear! I will just kiss him and go!’ So I did.
Yes, I think that much and that fast per second and that is how I take most decisions in my life. No offense taken.
The kissing was really adorable. He just interrupted to tell me I am a good kisser and then we kept kissing like teenagers. I took the compliment well and paid it back nicely. Yes, I can be nice too.
Few minutes of good kissing went and my friends were already taking pictures of us and giggling about it. I won’t add it here as I trust you trust me it did happened. They say I kiss like in the movies and the pics are fun too. The paparazzi thing stopped our kissing and then we tried to exchange Instagram accounts, because yes, that’s what cool kids do these days. He said he will text me when he gets to the club we were all heading. He never texted me (although he did come to the club). I was a bit sad… But not as sad as the day after when I realized he did not even follow me back on Instagram. 💁🏻
I texted him. I mean give me a break, I was bored, curious and hungover that Sunday. Isn’t that what you would do? (probably not)
Why aren’t you following me back? I asked being original af.
He’s like I am at some event.
Fine, you don’t need to, I was just curious if you wanna keep in touch.  I thought I was funny but he didn’t laugh.
Yes, could be fun, he said.
Meh. Could be fun?! Are you kidding me, boy? Oh man, I am dealing with these boys forever and I am still surprised?!
But hey, people say I give up easily, so this time I didn’t! I told myself, he was super sweet and such a good kisser. So we texted a few times and also set a date. Coffee on next Sunday. Next Sunday came and he had a family thing so he canceled. Fine. Family comes first. Another week passed, another Sunday coffee date was set and he canceled again. I mean 2 weeks and 2 dates being canceled by this teddy-bear-name guy who promised me good coffee and a hand with my IKEA closet. I gave up. Sorry peeps, I tried.  But then another week went by and I got tired of seeing my Ikea closet unassembled so I texted him saying, ‘Hey, I know this sounds weird, but I really need someone to help me with my closet. We are neighbors anyways, so if you ever have time, just come over and help me. If not, it’s completely fine. 🙂
He said Ok and on the 3rd Sunday, he came. It took him like 5 minutes to fix my closet and that was pretty impressive. But I am over him today. So when he tried to kiss me again, I told him: Dude, I really wanted to see you again and you canceled me 2 Sundays. You kinda broke a piece of my heart. (Well I meant my ego, but that’s another talk). Did anyone break your heart? 
And there it was. The story of his girlfriend who is a nice girl with a lot of issues that decided to leave this sweet handyman to fix herself. I loved his story. It was honest, simple and sad. He was sad. I told him I would like to be remembered as a nice girl in many people’s minds and then he tried to kiss me. And there I was again in the arms of the same cute stranger from the street with only 2 seconds to think. Well you probably know what I did, right? I wanted to be nice. And I was for like 2 seconds. So I kissed him back. And that was cheesy as fuck – probably the cheesiest kiss I ever had – because this guy just had a four cheese pizza!!! Four!
I mean, don’t get me wrong, as much as I like a good story and cheese itself, I cannot taste it during a kiss.
That was all. I thanked him for fixing my closet, he thanked me for being mean and then he left.
Hope this brought a smile on your face and will make you think of kissing next time you have cheese 🙂
xx

JUST ASK ME

If you ever wonder what is my first name, just ask me.
If you ever wonder how life has been before we met, just ask me.
However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.
If you ever assume I have issues, don’t do shit with it, just ask me.
If you ever see me in your vicinity, don’t just assume I don’t care or wanna talk to you,
But go ahead and ask me to.
If you want me to stop talking, please, just ask me.
If you wanna know what time is, feel free to ask me.
If I was ever a bitch to you, don’t tell your bestie before you come and ask me.
However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.
If you ever want me to come, to leave, to stop, to start, just try and ask me. This one might be risky good though.
If I bite your lip too hard, just ask me not to.
If I don’t dare to kiss you, please do not just ask me to. You could ask me why though.
If I am being strangely polite to you, you must’ve done something meh or awfully good.
Don’t ask me if you don’t wanna know, but do ask me if you wanna be polite too.
When you eat and I am around, do not just eat without asking me!
If you think I am Joey, please just ask me. I might or might not be.
If I have food and don’t ask you, please feel free to ask me.
I am easy, just ask me and you will see.
However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.
Food, red, candy or a lovemaking scene – will always be my favorite things you could ask me.
To take, to join you, to taste, to be.
However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.
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If you wanna marry me, go ahead and ask my mom.
Pam. pam.
If just ask me, this is the end of story.

How I said NO to my future husband

It was a risky move, I admit, and is not that every day comes along with a flawless British man asking me to ask him to marry me. Yes, he actually made me say it so he could play the game a little bit differently. 🙂 Cheeky, right?

The story is not that long. We met last night at a great house party where we both knew very little the crowd. We didn’t notice each other till hours later and he was friends with the guy I was going for. So I had the hots for this German/Irish speaking dude who was way more charismatic than any German I have ever met. Even now, years later, I still roll my eyes thinking about all the German guys I’ve met and dated. They are just not working for me… 😛

Ok, back to my husband from the title. When I noticed him he was right next to me at the bar – yes, the house party had a private bar with real bartenders and it was awesome! – I asked myself, how didn’t I notice him earlier tonight? He seemed really in place: six-foot tall British guy, stylish, a bit too serious for a house party, a combo of a businessman and a hipster, age fit, good smile and quite the observant type. My mom would absolutely adore him!

Since nobody was asking anything interesting after they helped me pick my cocktail, I just felt the perfect moment to engage in a serious conversation:

-Guys, I have a really serious question for you. Can you tell when a girl has a crush on you?

-Well, that is a really good question, the tall Brit said.

-Thank you! I added politely.

We all had a laugh when he said that men can tell girls like them when it’s obvious. Moving on…

-I guess you can tell by the signs. For example, the eyes can’t lie, the funny Brit continued.

When he said that, he was looking really careful into my eyes, so I couldn’t help but flash my eyelashes in a very obvious way to keep the fun tone alive. Yet, he took it as literally as the most obvious sign I am into him.

-So, for a scale of 1 to 10, how much I like you tonight? I asked keepeing my eyelashes dancing and lips zipping from the Moscow Mule.

-10! he said being dead serious.

Oh, wow, I am obvious as fuck! so obvious I can’t even joke about. I am still confused though. I am not into him, though he thinks I am. How can I be into him already? and how can that forced eyelashes game can work?  Oh… that British humor.

But then, my real crush was right next to me assisting quiet and smiley.

-What do you think, mister? I asked him with in a perfect time to get away from the awkward moment where I was exposed as a complete in-love girl with a man I met 7 minutes before, and to find out the truth. How much do you think I am into you?

-Well, usually, girls tell me they like me better than my friend here. But that’s just what they tell me…

Ok, he didn’t embarrass any of us with a stupid scale number which I shouldn’t ask like that if I don’t like the answer, right? But then again, it was the first way to figure out the phenomenon I am interested in now. A few days ago, a wise man told me that guys always know when you like them! they know before you like them! How is that possible?? Such a paradox and such a good topic to explore in-depth. Another guy joined the conversation and they all admitted it’s hard to tell for sure when girls have crushes. But then again, there are too many types of men. And some make you like them just because they think you like them. And then you think the whole day about them and write a blog post. Ah, can anyone give me some spine here?

I slowly moved to another group of people and join a conversation that allowed me to process the new information. After they chatted a bit – probably on deciding on who’s gonna go after me – the confident Brit came and stole my attention with some catchy lines in my mother tongue.

-How do you say I love you in your language? he continued.

-Te iubesc, I answered.

He kept staring at me and smiling in a very intimidating way. I didn’t stare back.

-How do you say marry me?

-Vrei sa fii sotia mea?

-Not yet, darling. I don’t think I am ready for it now…

-No worries, darling. I am not looking for a wife anyway.

The condescending Brit was put down a bit and turned silent while I turned to his way hotter friend whom I think gave up on me the moment his friend fell in love. He probably realized I am actually into him and the game was over.

-Sometimes is just about the hunting game, he said.

-I agree. I must day, answering with that “10” was a bold move of your friend. For some it might seem a cocky and silly answer, but for others it might bring a really pleasant effect.

Soon after, I went home without anything but a slight regret I had a wrong strategy. Why did I want the redshirt German Irish speaking bloke – whom I knew from the beginning he’d be only a one night stand – over Mr. Britside who looked definitely husband material? 🙂 

Sorry, mom. Maybe next time 😉

 

PS: this is my funny version of the real events happening last night. I bet some of the guests there will read this entry and could have extra info. They are all expected in my inbox. For example, these guys’ names. 😅 I just realized I didn’t even get their names

Do I Do or Do I don’t?

I met the guy I think I would marry. He’s amazing! Smart, funny, good looking… well actually he’s intelligent in the way that makes me listen to him and become nervous whenever I have to reply… He makes me laugh when he weirdly stresses words with his native accent or when he’s too serious – I think it’s silly. He also has beautiful hands. Probably because he draws a lot. But the best thing about this guy is his smile. Damn, that smile makes me close my eyes and become even more dreamy… Actually no. The best thing about this guy is the way he makes me feel.

The worst thing about him is that he doesn’t feel the same way about me. And he’s portraying too many sides of me I don’t like. For example, the way we can make people feel uncomfortable around us and how uncomfortable we feel afterward. He’s a mirror I love looking into, but not all the time…

I told a couple of people about him. Of course, nothing to him. I know. I know… I am delusional. But I just had a glass of red and I think I am in love. Hehe. He can be too serious and considerate with things I can make fun about all night long. He would lower my self-confidence whenever he would brag about his own. I would increase my self-esteem while making him want to lose his. It’s too complicated, right?

So what should I do? Should I do it… or should I don’t?

I might be too rational here. I wonder how he kisses like…

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Ah, this stupid thing called love!

Don’t become smarter, it will break your heart

“You are a fucking human being!”

I laughed when he said that. Couldn’t believe a middle age physiotherapist I met 10 minutes ago would say that to me. It was so fucking relieving to hear someone older and with an established authority saying that to me. I just knew he understands me.

We are intelligent people. We start thinking the moment we wake up and don’t stop until we fall asleep. We don’t know how to be zen because we don’t know how to be. We pick everything apart, examine every single situation and never stop asking why? what? how? Then we drive someone crazy. Someone we love. They have a limited tolerance for a long string of “whys”.

“Are you blonde?”

Yes! I always knew there is something really dumb about my brains. Look at my hair ends, they’re all bright as the sun. ha, ha!

He laughed when I said that. Then he added it’s quite refreshing hearing someone asking silly questions like mine, because “most of the people are just trying to be perfect”.

As quora user, Marcus Geduld said, having knowledge makes us become aware of troubling things about ourselves that we are powerless to improve. That can be super demotivating and will just feed the opposite Dunning-Kruger effects. Thus, if incompetent people suffer from overconfidence because they don’t have the means to realize their relative incompetence compared to others, smart people suffer from the reverse: they tend to wrongfully underestimate their own relative competence because they have the competence to understand the skillfulness of those around them… 💔

We can talk about our feelings, no problem in that. But how do we express them and how much of relief do we actually feel in that? That’s just one common downside for those who thought having more IQ points would make them happier. We think more than we feel and, if that’s not enough, we spend too much time contemplating, analyzing, therefore overthinking things. Because we realize how nothing really means anything and we are desperately searching for meanings. Till it drives us crazy… 💔

We have such a hard time making choices… because we are aware of the possible ramifications of our decisions. Moreover, the more we educate ourselves, the more we can appreciate the limitation of our own cognition. In other words, the more we know, the more we understand how much we don’t know… 💔

And then the voices…

Why are you single? you are smart.

Why can’t you find a job? you are smart.

What else do you need in life? you are smart.

Depression. Difficulty in relating with peers. Getting bored too fast. Hard times making friends/ Pressure on your own self. Self-esteem issues… 💔

Society expects us to be smart and kind, wise and nice, and, “to do something for the human race”. Be all super humans. But how can we do something for a world in which we barely have a handful of friends who are not pressurized by our “smartness”, who do not assume and expect things from us just because we are smart?

Perfect Sunday Morning

She was half asleep when he came with coffee and French croissants, her favorite. It was one of those mornings when she was smiling over a good feeling about life. It was his first time in this apartment, but he knew exactly where the coffee cups are and how to get himself comfortable in the room’s window. She would look at him sunbathing and feel jealous he took her favorite seat. “But he brought croissants. He can sit there”, she was thinking while reaching for the coffee holding the sheet around her.
– Oh, I forgot to ask, how do you like your coffee? He asked with a slight concern she might want sugar…
– Just black. She smiled and took another sip of her coffee.
– Good. So he turned confident and silent into his world by the window.
He didn’t ask anything, nor did he analyzed her anyhow. It was like he wasn’t even there. But then she asked him a million questions to nihilate the awkward silence. So they talked about his passions, her dreams, his travels, her plans, his friends, her dad and his dentist. By the time she got dressed and ready to sit in her usual window spot, he moved on a chair and started looking at her.
– We haven’t seen each other for 1,5 years. I remember that day like it was yesterday.
– I don’t remember, he said.
– It was that day I was smiling with all my sides over some good news and when I heard you’re gonna be at that party, I came to see you.
He moved to bed, needed to stretch.
She stopped talking and started analyzing him. That bright smile, his baby face, messy hair, body, hands… perfect. And he’s so calm, confident, open-minded, steady, impenetrable and wise. Flawless. Out of her world.
– I wanna hold you for a bit, he invited her back into her own bed.
She had no idea what to do, nor what to say. Eventually, she mumbled her first thought:
– I don’t cuddle…I am scared.
He looked at her with his dark empty eyes and smiled like she was talking nonsense.
– Come here.
So she did. And for the next ten minutes, she would let herself feel different waves of energy, think miles away and be proud of overcoming another fear.
Few cuddles later, he said goodbye, and all she could think of was how curious is that this perfect loving man would make her miss the one guy who is completely his opposite.

Dear Mr. B,

When she left the house, she only had in mind one drink and no expectations. She would go to bed early that night and nothing would change in her life. Little did she knew that wasn’t the case…

She was sitting at the bar thinking what to drink when he told her not to worry, he knows exactly what she needs. “Wait a minute”, she said, “you don’t even know what I don’t like”. “Tell me, then”, he said. It almost sounded silly when she said it out loud, but he didn’t seem to care, that wouldn’t change his mind anyway.

He got it right. “He’s good”, she told herself.

A couple hours later, while contemplating if it was the right time for her to go home or if she should stay a little bit longer… he kissed her. His hands found their way through her loose hair, grabbed her neck with a confident force and pulled her lips on top of his with no shame. Yet, that kiss was magical! One of those that hypnotizes one to lose track of time, space and own body.

When she woke up in the morning she looked at him sleeping next to her and wrote him a letter:

Dear Mr. B,

Thank you for tonight. You made me feel nervous and anxious, but also admired and spoiled. The whole setting was romantic and sexy. Those dim lights on the tall walls, the classical music in the background and those lovers in the back, topped with some aphrodisiac in my drinks and the way you looked into my eyes. Oh, man…

I had no expectations when I came to see you, but you managed to create some and exceed them before I even asked. You look sweet and you seem kind, honest and polite. Maybe too much. I know we just met, but I feel comfortable and safe with you. Which is dangerous now, because you are going to travel around the world, learn how to play guitar, make some art and become a better version of you. In a few years, you are going to be exactly the man I foresee in you, and the man I would definitely love right now because that is who I want. Not the boy you are now.

Bummer, you just said something in your sleep and for a second I was afraid you gonna wake up and I wouldn’t know what to do or say to you. On the other hand, I kinda wished you would wake up and kiss me again. But you just turned on the other side just like a baby sleeping in his own bed. Lucky me…

I have no idea if I will see you again, nor how long will you remember me, but I am glad I met you. Yes, everything would have been different if I hadn’t had come to see you tonight, but it’s too late now. You had to kiss me, didn’t you? 🙂

I had an awesome time with you. Please don’t hesitate to call me. In 3 years.

Love,

V.

She left before he woke up. He never tried to find her. They never forgot each other.

Barntender Making a Cocktail Drink