Men think bad sex is when their partner is boring. Women describe “bad sex” when they experience emotional discomfort or, more often, physical pain.
We live in a world where little girls are told they are pretty and grow up believing that this is what their social value resides in. We also live in a culture that sees the man’s pleasure as a right and the woman’s pain as normal.
As a girl, the first thing you hear about losing your virginity is that it is painful and that is normal! Uhm… breaking news, peeps! That is not true if don’t want it to be! Create your own story and take control, baby! You can plan for the perfect first night and lose that status or chastity in the most beautiful way. You will always have high standards after that happens but is worth it. Trust me, been there, done that! 😉
To be a good looking girl may be a pain in the ass (also literally in some countries). Mostly because girls are subconsciously looking for other people to take pleasure in their looks as a reward. This is cultural and historical. Because they are raised to believe that what others think of them is more real than what they actually think of themselves. Taking pleasure in other people’s pleasure is not negative, as long as you don’t alter yourself.
Women offer pleasure in return for a high social status, for not being cheated on, for not knowing how to respect their bodies. I am extremely tired of games, plays and facades that people play in order to get a partner. When it comes to relationships, people say:
“Be less yourself! Only show them your good side.”
“Don’t show your true face until after the wedding!”
“You never tell them how you really feel.”
Oh. My. God. This is tiring. Annoying. Betraying. A waste of time and people. I do not accept to believe that deceiving someone just to get them to commit to you is anyhow respectful. I consider it a betrayal and a waste of time for both parties.
But how is this connected to bad sex, you ask?
People match professionally, financially, physically or/and unworldly. I believe this is also the right order. Sex can be good only if you learn it together and grow both in the same direction. Or if you simply match unearthly in bed – which is the best sex I am gonna tell you all about another time. Bad sex is when the transcendent one is missing completely and you don’t cry of pleasure, but of disgust with yourself. Bad sex is caused by one partner treating the other one as a human doll for fapping. When there is no emotional connection, no fantasy including both of you, the other one will feel used. And it’s especially the female part of the couple who will feel that. Here is an inspiring article about the female price of male’s pleasure.
Bad sex is when you’re both good looking, match the age, the social status, the humour, the interests, but there are no butterflies, no trembles or anyone smiling and humming. You know those mechanical moves and positions you’ve seen in porn? Well, that’s just accompanied masturbation. Not gonna call it bad sex when both parties just wanna fuck, but when one is having feelings and the other one doesn’t, the aftermath is just terrible. Days of overthinking, tons of stupid messages, endless frustrations and bad next move plans. That is another pain human female or male can feel after having bad sex.
Communication. Communication. Comm… oh, and no expectations, but just passion. Those are the keys. Develop a passion for love and there will not be any bad sex left because you gonna let your body in the hands of the one you love. And if you love truly and unconditionally, you won’t have time to think about expectations and disappointments because you gonna be too high in love and probably delusional. 😀 But then again, the match will be unworldly. ❤️
Our generation has less sex than our grandparents’ and that’s because we can talk about it more than we will ever put in practice.
I never talked to my parents about sex. I barely talked about sex with anybody until I was far away from home and anyone who could judge me. During all this time of having a tabu subject, I established rules, fantasies, and principles. All for myself and the ones involved.
Time has passed and from amazing experiences to frustrations and relationships, I have slightly …changed. My rules found their exceptions. My fantasies found their reality and my principles got outdated. A few years ago I even asked my grandma when was the last time she and my beloved grandfather …banged. She laughed as that would be the very last question from me, but a very welcomed one from a friend.
– Four years ago, she whispered it.
She was in her seventies back then.
The other night I was at a dinner table with friends of friends and was making conversation with this guy next to me who I barely knew. After some small talk and a big glass of wine, he says very nonchalantly:
– I miss sex!
Oh, wow! Someone in my shoes, I immediately thought. I have to admit I was happy to hear him saying that. Suddenly I felt less alone on this planet. Someone else has as less sex as I am. The discussion escalated in describing times when he was having sex three times per day on the balcony, in the kitchen, or outside his building. Now he’s having a distance relationship and forced to wait for that time of the month…
– Oh, you know what I love doing? Oh, my God, I cannot tell you this…
– Tell me now!
Disclaimer: I wish I could’ve recorded his exact words because it was short, simple and on point: the way he would tease the girl so bad by ripping off her panties and leave. To the store or somewhere she could not see or touch him. Just for ten minutes. And by the time he would be back, she’ll be all over him. Mission accomplished!
Damn, boy! you’re good. Yes, he was a simple cute boy, and yes, I can relate plenty of girls would love a for-play like that. He asked me what sexy things I’ve done, what I would do and what do I like. I answered with the same nonchalance.
– I bet your birthday is in springtime, he commented afterwards.
– How do you know??!
– Because all the girls I had something with were born in spring.
I didn’t say anything more. I just backed off politely and pretended everything is normal. Problem is I can’t stop thinking how good that food was while having that conversation. But maybe was just the restaurant, right?
However, don’t do it at home, and especially not outside. You will get horny af and the next day at the office you will be extremely unproductive. 🙈
And now, don’t worry, I know what my therapist will say:
The greatest damage rejection causes is usually self-inflicted. Just when our self-esteem is hurting most, we go and damage it even further.
Rejection feels like physical pain and Paracetamol is the cure for it. I know. And I also know that Rejection lowers your IQ. Yes, temporarily, but since I get it a lot… just don’t be surprised I act stupid. 🙃☺️🤡💃🏻
It was a risky move, I admit, and is not that every day comes along with a flawless British man asking me to ask him to marry me. Yes, he actually made me say it so he could play the game a little bit differently. 🙂 Cheeky, right?
The story is not that long. We met last night at a great house party where we both knew very little the crowd. We didn’t notice each other till hours later and he was friends with the guy I was going for. So I had the hots for this German/Irish speaking dude who was way more charismatic than any German I have ever met. Even now, years later, I still roll my eyes thinking about all the German guys I’ve met and dated. They are just not working for me… 😛
Ok, back to my husband from the title. When I noticed him he was right next to me at the bar – yes, the house party had a private bar with real bartenders and it was awesome! – I asked myself, how didn’t I notice him earlier tonight? He seemed really in place: six-foot tall British guy, stylish, a bit too serious for a house party, a combo of a businessman and a hipster, age fit, good smile and quite the observant type. My mom would absolutely adore him!
Since nobody was asking anything interesting after they helped me pick my cocktail, I just felt the perfect moment to engage in a serious conversation:
-Guys, I have a really serious question for you. Can you tell when a girl has a crush on you?
-Well, that is a really good question, the tall Brit said.
-Thank you! I added politely.
We all had a laugh when he said that men can tell girls like them when it’s obvious. Moving on…
-I guess you can tell by the signs. For example, the eyes can’t lie, the funny Brit continued.
When he said that, he was looking really careful into my eyes, so I couldn’t help but flash my eyelashes in a very obvious way to keep the fun tone alive. Yet, he took it as literally as the most obvious sign I am into him.
-So, for a scale of 1 to 10, how much I like you tonight? I asked keepeing my eyelashes dancing and lips zipping from the Moscow Mule.
-10! he said being dead serious.
Oh, wow, I am obvious as fuck! so obvious I can’t even joke about. I am still confused though. I am not into him, though he thinks I am. How can I be into him already? and how can that forced eyelashes game can work? Oh… that British humor.
But then, my real crush was right next to me assisting quiet and smiley.
-What do you think, mister? I asked him with in a perfect time to get away from the awkward moment where I was exposed as a complete in-love girl with a man I met 7 minutes before, and to find out the truth. How much do you think I am into you?
-Well, usually, girls tell me they like me better than my friend here. But that’s just what they tell me…
Ok, he didn’t embarrass any of us with a stupid scale number which I shouldn’t ask like that if I don’t like the answer, right? But then again, it was the first way to figure out the phenomenon I am interested in now. A few days ago, a wise man told me that guys always know when you like them! they know before you like them! How is that possible?? Such a paradox and such a good topic to explore in-depth. Another guy joined the conversation and they all admitted it’s hard to tell for sure when girls have crushes. But then again, there are too many types of men. And some make you like them just because they think you like them. And then you think the whole day about them and write a blog post. Ah, can anyone give me some spine here?
I slowly moved to another group of people and join a conversation that allowed me to process the new information. After they chatted a bit – probably on deciding on who’s gonna go after me – the confident Brit came and stole my attention with some catchy lines in my mother tongue.
-How do you say I love you in your language? he continued.
-Te iubesc, I answered.
He kept staring at me and smiling in a very intimidating way. I didn’t stare back.
-How do you say marry me?
-Vrei sa fii sotia mea?
-Not yet, darling. I don’t think I am ready for it now…
-No worries, darling. I am not looking for a wife anyway.
The condescending Brit was put down a bit and turned silent while I turned to his way hotter friend whom I think gave up on me the moment his friend fell in love. He probably realized I am actually into him and the game was over.
-Sometimes is just about the hunting game, he said.
-I agree. I must day, answering with that “10” was a bold move of your friend. For some it might seem a cocky and silly answer, but for others it might bring a really pleasant effect.
Soon after, I went home without anything but a slight regret I had a wrong strategy. Why did I want the redshirt German Irish speaking bloke – whom I knew from the beginning he’d be only a one night stand – over Mr. Britside who looked definitely husband material? 🙂
Sorry, mom. Maybe next time 😉
PS: this is my funny version of the real events happening last night. I bet some of the guests there will read this entry and could have extra info. They are all expected in my inbox. For example, these guys’ names. 😅 I just realized I didn’t even get their names
- When they don’t text back
- When they say “nobody asked you to do that” extra chore
- When you get up early and they don’t even eat breakfast
- When they are wearing their home clothes but they smell bad
- When their dishes have leftovers on for days and they are somewhere else but the kitchen sink
- When you get flowers from your ex who is still not over you
- When you can tell there is nothing interesting about what they are saying
- When they don’t know your age and act like you are too young
- When they don’t know your age and act like you are too old
- When they put you on their backup list
- When they are too macho and too cool to treat you like a lady
- When they don’t remember to put the toilet seat down
- When you are flirting with someone and they ruin it because they can’t even tell
- When they don’t wanna meet your friends
- When they are afraid to show you affection or to tell you they love you
- When they are acting cold with you around their friends not to show them that they like you
- When you wake up freezing and they have all the blanket
- When you get to the restaurant 10 minutes later and they haven’t even ordered water
- When they laugh or sigh judgmentally at your Netflix list
- When they call you “bro” or “sister” after you slept together
- When they tell you they have been with other people while you were dating
- When they call you “sweetie” the day you introduce them to your fam
- When they can’t look into your eyes
- When they can never tell what you’re gonna say
- When they introduce you as “my friend” every single time
- When they don’t even read the articles you recommended
- When they make bad puns about things you care about
- When they don’t even remember their promises to you
- When they are just trying to be polite because they have no imagination on how to make a good conversation