Caress my soul

Sunday I fell in love. I know, I know… I fall in love every day. But this time was with someone on the radio. I’ve been listening to this band before, but never paid any attention nor cared to check it out. But this Sunday something triggered it. Been listening to all their songs, watched all the videos and couldn’t get enough of it. It’s probably my wanderlust, and missing Australia… It got me thinking and dwelling in my memories from my sundry travels down under. I have this memory of a special day in Byron Bay where I met the coolest and friendliest Aussie surfer boys. I remember I was sad about leaving someone when I arrived at Byron, but then this tall dude with a rock/surf/reggae look welcomed me with the most laidback attitude. He looked so newly strange to me I was thinking, oh, he looks so silly with that curly messy loose hair combed back under that silly hat. And he acts so “whatever, dude” about it. You would say he couldn’t care less about his looks, but that pencil mustache of his would just prove you wrong.

So yeah, he made me smile with his looks and all, then he did me a favor and I don’t remember paying any attention to him afterward. For the rest of my life that memory will stay, man. Can you tell I am smiling under my mustache here? hehe

And here I am now. Months and miles away analyzing every bit of that memory and listening to this voice on the radio that makes me live it again and again. I find it so strange… I do, really.

Monday I had the weirdest dream. It was a really sunny day, we were chilling in the land of pleasure. See now is the time when everything was perfect. We would jump around to the sound of music, being high, chewing on our tastes, swimming, and dipping in a summer house’s pool where others would chill having no worries. We would just stare at each other and smile like two kids that have no idea what is this. We took our time, but he took mine. We secluded in that far away place believing that everything was okay.

Next thing I know, we were years away and the whole world was fucked up. We were having the same house, swimming in the same pool but there were seaweeds and we were slower somehow… That was a messy world we would living in. Outside there was no power, no order, no cares about family, kids, friends and strangers. Nothing. There were no straight streets, no locks on doors and no attention. You wouldn’t even feel alive. People would act and feel like objects left aside in a storage room. Yes, there was the sun on the sky, but it was so cold everywhere. You would see babies on the streets freezing their naked bodies and protecting their open bloody wounds. Brrr…

He would look at me with fear and a restless mind saying he hates it when I am away and he’d killed me so I’d stay. Cause he knows I wouldn’t behave. Maybe him and I are a little the same, so what do you think of what we’ve made? 🙂

Babe, even though I only see you on the TV screen,
With all those girls and your toys and your pleasured scream
I’ll easy spend up all this loving for my dream boy
I don’t want to share. Even when it’s quiet, I’ll be thinking about you
I’ll be thinking about you, babe, I’ll be thinking about you.
When you’re with that other girl, I hope you’re thinking about me, I hope you’re thinking bout me, babe.
Cause I’m thinking about you.

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*Thank God for music and talented people who are able to make us feel like this.
Love you, Dylan! ❤
Too bad I didn’t meet you last year 🙂

a 10 minute feature

“You are too old for me. I mean don’t get me wrong, I have always been sexually attracted to you, but I don’t think I can live up to your expectations.”
That’s what he told me last night. At 2 am while I was busy feeling good and getting enough attention, he came by my table to have a little chat.

 Okay…
We met 2 years ago. I always thought he was cute, but with a very young taste – somewhere around 22 years old – that never got us in the same circle. He’s a heartbreaker with a broken heart. So I asked him about sex and expectations – because that’s my way of being diplomatic these days. No, seriously, I am not even sarcastic. Surprisingly, even though we thought it’s only chemistry, there are actually some things we have in common. Like our small brown eyes that love to stare in other irises and our favorite sex position. But that’s about it.

After I elegantly took his unexpected, unwanted and unasked-for rejection, he asked me to dance. That never happen. We could have kissed, but then again he was rude, arrogant and drunk. And I am too old for him.

XoXo

PS: this is just because he always wanted me to write about him 😉

kiss me, you fool

How was your first kiss like? not that one where you woke up on the dancing floor with something that felt like a potato in your mouth. The one after a whole day of chuckles, long walks, wondering conversation and wandering in general, your lips finally met and even the time stopped to stare. The first time you actually felt that strange warmth filling your whole body from head to toes and stops in your knees. That’s when you push yourself deeper into each other’s arms, you grab tight on your faces, blend your hands underneath your clothes, play with with your fingers behind ears and curiously open your eyes now and then… (daaamn, Daniel!)

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The world spins, the players stop singing, the sun goes down and you don’t know it yet, but you just got enamored with… most likely the wrongest person. In the earlier days of college you can easily fall in love with someone just because they are not like anybody you’ve met before and that’s enough.

But it’s just downright silly to try and pick a best time to have a kiss like that, don’t you think so? It’s always a good time to meet someone, get to know each other, fell in love and… well kiss the hell out of there! or stay. Try that emotional maturity and sweetness you struggle hiding all the time and go for it. Show some commitment and bravery. Kiss that one, you fool!

Now, that you finally agree one kiss can mean a million things, I invite you to watch these 9 different adorable situations when a kiss makes absolute sense. After that we can talk about eagerness, shyness, jollity, bravery, silliness, awkwardness, kindness, understanding and passion. Ok?

xx

[can’t believe I have to pay to embed a video on WP?!! this is a no go for me]

Message In A bottle

I am not 21. I am not even 27… Probably by now you know how old I am and whatever you think it has a “damn” in it. No, pretty sure it’s more like a “Daaaaaaamn!”
Damn what?
Damn, girl, you don’t look like? Damn, aren’t you old for this shit? Damn, you don’t sound like it? Daaaaamn, girl, you’re a woman? Damn, are you gonna write this on your blog? 😮
I am probably asking myself these things more than you are, but I heard some really impregnated reactions lately so I couldn’t help thinking of…what you’re thinking 😛
The oldest (cool) guy I met down here is 29yo in papers, but not a day more than 21 in real life. He has to smoke weed, drink shit loads of beers and break his bones every day while surfing to make it. For some reason I get him and I even relate to him – except the surfing part – I like my body in one piece – and I am sincerely trying to quit drinking beer, though it’s way better in Australia than Europe!
This guy invented a game called “The girl of the week”. He would choose a pretty girl on the beach every week and collect the memories in between substances. This reminded of my first time… I was the girl of the week on a sunny beach for a hot guy who never called me afterwords. He did actually found me 4 years later in a bar and gave me his apologies  and a huge great reason. Since then I can’t trust a guy who plays this game, but surely it’s super fun when you’re on a beach for less than a week and make your fantasies come true.
❤ Also, it’s more memorable if you’re not doing it every week…
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Surfer Boy splashing me away
Some people have goals when it comes to relationships. And you’re like “who doesn’t?” but I am talking of the most “insignificant” relationships that actually last forever – even though it was just a fucking one night stand for the other side. Stories like this will always be remembered. We make them happen for our “bitch if you have” portfolio. We live them even more intense when turned on by the faces of those who will hear the stories. We do it for the most craziest reasons. Like “I saw that in the movie” or “I wanna write about this”.
But it gets tiring… I am pretty sure the old surfer had his dry weeks too. Long, white nights when looking at a ceiling and thinking what the hell is he doing with his life. Is this who he actually is? Does he love himself? And what about that girl? Is the girl from last week the one? Or maybe he will never find a girl like THAT ONE. I am talking about Sarah, that amazing bitch who gave him the best days of his life. The one girl who he can fuck for hours, days and weeks without being high. She was one helluva girl. But they both knew they are not meant forever…she wanted a career in the city, he was a dreamer and loved his wild life on the beach. Maybe it’s time he should compromise? Maybe he would be happier in her arms in a nice condo in Sydney right now?  Then he pictures their wedding and his parents’ faces full of joy and accomplishment. All their friends would be super fucking proud and drunk at the party of the year. Few years later they will have a kid and all he’s gonna teach him would be surf, skating and football. School is pointless anyway. Sarah did it for so long they have it for 2 generations. They’ll still be looking hot af and probably by then living in a nice house on the beach coast. Mmmm…now isn’t that something even you would dream of?
But then he opens his eyes, a beer and lights a joint. He’s miles away from her and that life. He doesn’t have enough money to move now to fucking Sydney, he hates the city and Sarah is probably seeing someone else right now. They haven’t talked in ages.
We get addicted easily to drugs and other vices. The individual recovery takes a lot of change of the society actually. We might be aware of our “small” addictions, but we what we are really addicted to is the society and its expectations. The moment we break out we might lose ourselves for a while… We live in a world where the most important connections we have is to the WiFi and transportation. Try to break those and survive! without alcohol. Auch…that life isn’t for everyone. We have suppliers instead of friends and lovers. We objectify people and have no idea what’s beyond their Facebook profiles or our chat windows. We are afraid of real human connections and probably immune to them, because when they’re knocking on our soul’s door we suddenly become busy and emotionally unavailable. Ah, where is my love dealer right now?? I need a dose…
It was my birthday the other day and all the good wishes made more sad than happy… One message got into my head though. It simply said:
“Stay Blessed!”
This made me be grateful for all the reasons I am extremely blessed: I am healthy, I look way younger than my age (even though I am like  40 in bunny years), I am free to do whatever I want, all my grandparents are alive and my mom is the most amazing woman I have ever met – she takes care of all of us. Also, because I found the place that gives me peace and I can call it home. The only thing that disrupts my happiness is the thought of this ending…just like every other thing you don’t fight for to make it last. Like the thought Sarah is not thinking about her beloved Surfer. That’s bullshit. I know for sure Sarah wishes the same things, but they they are on different paths and journeys at the moment. And stupidly normal, they both wait for each other 🙂
I am loved. By a few people who I should say thank you and I love you to more often… I don’t know how to express my love these days…so I will just say it here:
I FUCKING LOVE YOU!
…you, my family who for some weird reason are proud of me.
…you, my best friends who listen my shit, failures and successes.
…you, my friends who answer my stupid lazy queries.
…you, my ex-friends who I slept with but became very ungrateful, fyi: I will always cherish the good times!
…you, the men I will never have but dream of. Especially that Danish chef who doesn’t even know I exist (sigh)
…you, my fans who are invisible and extremely jealous, I love you even more for that!
and you… my future best lover, best friend and significant other. Dude, what are you doing right now? can’t you tell I am waiting for you here?
oh, and you too, freaking odd and old surfer! you are another version of me after all. Such a dreamer!
I write this for myself and those who I love. And even if I don’t know you (yet), I love you too. It’s a general state of mind this love I am sharing now. So…it’s like a message in a bottle. You never know if anyone is gonna read it, but you have the hope 🙂
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAMM8JVbr8g
ps: damn WP! is asking me to pay for upload a video! soon they will charge me for pornographic material… 😐

Single bells

Hello! It’s me. Single and fabulous. I just called to saaaay I Love You! 

What? Can’t one just do this once in a lifetime just because life is beautiful, Santa is coming and there are a lot of parties in town? 

I know, I know. You are emotionally unavailable, you have a girlfriend, we don’t match, this is not working out for your blah bleh bleh! I don’t care. I am in California Dreamin’ 😎 

 Oh, and hohoho! (Not your gf, the song!) 😂 

When you fall you fly 

I think it’s about time you admit that you have a crush on me!

– I admit.

What now?

– I want that and that and that too. I want you to give me at least everything I gave you and well of course, don’t get boring. Confessions always bring misery and punishment is required.

– So now I have to make a decision or …say something?

That would be the painful outcome of starting this conversation, wouldn’t be?

– Not if you see it like that.

Right now it’s all fucked up. I haven’t had the right experiences or enough wisdom to figure out how  telling someone you’re in love with might actually end up in your favor. And because of that I am afraid of doing it and probably a very large amount of singles are too. Tinder knows best.

-So?

So you are my SO. Am I yours?


“When you fall you fly”

“You’re like a beautiful chair”

Last year, the day after Christmas, Santa brought me a fine, smart, good looking guy who I ruined all my changes with on our 3rd date. So after 3 months, 2 weeks and 4 days, there he was knocking at my door. It was 3am and I was still awake totally confident that I will get a good present if I’ll just be a good girl. Well not really, but then it sure was…the best 3 morning sex hours ever! 

So girls, if u ever dream to see or have something like that, start believing in Santa Claus and be good! But try not asking the guy too many questions. You might be hearing what I heard when I asked him what are his thoughts about me:

“You are like a beautiful chair which you worked hard to get and then you put it in your living room and you like to look at it.” 

Say whaaaat?! 

Now, he mumbled some “that’s not what I meant” crap and added “a very expensive chair”, but I just accepted that I am beautiful and he likes to look at me and that in his furniture world chairs are extremely important and wonderful…beings. 😀 I sent him back to North Pole and told Santa I am gonna behave more this year. Cuz that wasn’t the gift I had in mind. 

  Few months after I got a beautiful red chair. Sometimes I look at it and I really  think it’s one helluva chair. For real. I love it. 

Do you think that maybe Santa is sending us different kind of presents when we grow up? Like experiences in which we found ourselves objectified and start seeing objects like they matter? 

Now, girls, if you grew up you might have heard of Karma. Well Karma is the new Santa and it’s not coming only the day after Cristmas. 😐💃🏻