Don’t become smarter, it will break your heart

“You are a fucking human being!”

I laughed when he said that. Couldn’t believe a middle age physiotherapist I met 10 minutes ago would say that to me. It was so fucking relieving to hear someone older and with an established authority saying that to me. I just knew he understands me.

We are intelligent people. We start thinking the moment we wake up and don’t stop until we fall asleep. We don’t know how to be zen because we don’t know how to be. We pick everything apart, examine every single situation and never stop asking why? what? how? Then we drive someone crazy. Someone we love. They have a limited tolerance for a long string of “whys”.

“Are you blonde?”

Yes! I always knew there is something really dumb about my brains. Look at my hair ends, they’re all bright as the sun. ha, ha!

He laughed when I said that. Then he added it’s quite refreshing hearing someone asking silly questions like mine, because “most of the people are just trying to be perfect”.

As quora user, Marcus Geduld said, having knowledge makes us become aware of troubling things about ourselves that we are powerless to improve. That can be super demotivating and will just feed the opposite Dunning-Kruger effects. Thus, if incompetent people suffer from overconfidence because they don’t have the means to realize their relative incompetence compared to others, smart people suffer from the reverse: they tend to wrongfully underestimate their own relative competence because they have the competence to understand the skillfulness of those around them… 💔

We can talk about our feelings, no problem in that. But how do we express them and how much of relief do we actually feel in that? That’s just one common downside for those who thought having more IQ points would make them happier. We think more than we feel and, if that’s not enough, we spend too much time contemplating, analyzing, therefore overthinking things. Because we realize how nothing really means anything and we are desperately searching for meanings. Till it drives us crazy… 💔

We have such a hard time making choices… because we are aware of the possible ramifications of our decisions. Moreover, the more we educate ourselves, the more we can appreciate the limitation of our own cognition. In other words, the more we know, the more we understand how much we don’t know… 💔

And then the voices…

Why are you single? you are smart.

Why can’t you find a job? you are smart.

What else do you need in life? you are smart.

Depression. Difficulty in relating with peers. Getting bored too fast. Hard times making friends/ Pressure on your own self. Self-esteem issues… 💔

Society expects us to be smart and kind, wise and nice, and, “to do something for the human race”. Be all super humans. But how can we do something for a world in which we barely have a handful of friends who are not pressurized by our “smartness”, who do not assume and expect things from us just because we are smart?

My 12 hours relationship

I was never in love with him. I thought I was though…

It was chemistry at first sight, no doubt. Even now I tremble when I think of our first kiss. Mmm.. That was one perfect match. Tinder match. I guess I am a sucker for good kisses. I am one of a helluva kisser myself and when I meet someone who can handle and make me tremble, well that one deserves … A beer! 😎

It was a hot summer 2015. I loved it. But it became way more hotter when I met him again. I started a game I didn’t win and weird thing, I love the way I learned loosing it! 🙂

You might have read about my summer lovemma or I might have told you about this guy… Who just wasn’t the One from the beginning, but who I really wanted to be. I created a perfect version of him and I started making plans. Even for him. One day, I woke up next to him and I looked at him with a kind pleasure and I whispered to his ear: one day you’ll be mine.

And he was. Few weeks later. For 12 hours straight. The moment he told me he wants me, I flipped and backed off. That was it. That was the end of our relationship as a dating couple, but I really wanted to kiss him and I said “yes”. 12 hours later, after getting used to the idea of having a boyfriend and a really pathetic last meeting as a newly couple… I ended it.

I got what I wanted. And yes, it lasted way less than I ever imagined, but that was it: my summer crush ended in a 12 hours relationship.

Now, I know that I have never changed my feelings for this guy. I just changed my wishes and perspectives. So after all we weren’t a perfect match. Not even a bit, not even at all.

 

Learning From Jon: Life is as Easy as You Make it!

Do you have a mentor? Someone you admire and believe in to guide you in the right direction? You can choose your mentor or he/she can choose you. A mentorship comes when there is a need and interest to develop yourself, professionally or as a human being. There is no downside in your relationship with a mentor. It may last a day or a life time, depending on how much you connect and help each other. A mentor can be a parent, a business partner or a good friend (before or after), someone with the necessary experience to guide you where you are insecure but it is a part of your dreams.

It is always a good time to make a change. There are phases in our lives completely different than what we know and so are the people we surround with. So you will never be too young, too dumb, too smart or too old. Not for those who care about you anyway. After having lots of talks with and about mentors, I came to wish for one. I feel the need of having relevant guidance to where I am heading to and I am excited who is gonna be next. It’s not easy in such busy times to find willing people to help out, but there is no harm in trying. Be prepared to be turned down. Breaking hearts and killing dreams is like riding a bike these days.

Few weeks ago I almost got fired from a job I have only for more money and which I stopped enjoying it. So I started a serious job hunting then, but without any success. I suck. I am not a specialist, nor excellent at anything in particular, so my chances of getting one of those ad jobs are quite low. In between crying and smoking my brains out, I figured out I am searching and applying to all these jobs just because there are people who look down at me for not having it. Is that what I need to feel better about myself? A job where I sit in front of a computer and type numbers while I get paid less than now and feel even worse cuz I am not even good at it?! So then it hit me. I need a mentor. And if I need a different job, then I should be working for my mentor. I wanna work for someone I look up to, someone I believe in and I can learn anything I need to know in order to build my own career. The one I want. So I wrote to people telling them this and even though I was turned down politely, I am not giving up. And you shouldn’t either; it’s gonna happen! 🙂

Last night I had an amazing dinner with a Danish mentor called Jon who advised me on the career path and it was extremely helpful. Today, zapping on Ted talks, I found this Thai Jon who warmed my heart and soul with his speech about how easy life can be. I share in his belief! There are values in our lives that we tend to ignore blinded by the needs and control of a selfish society that doesn’t give us anything without paying. A society that we don’t know, we don’t love and doesn’t share our feelings. We have a choice and the way we make it will determinate how easy and beautiful our journey can be. Listening to his speech will make you more aware about our different set of values and that, at the end of the day, we all care about feeling free, healthy and content. Happiness comes from our inner selves, so use some time to look in there. Have a wonderful day, ya’ll! ❤

The poor hasty actor 

I know him for a long time but I don’t know anything about his life and, to my shame, I am afraid to ask.

He is one fascinating man. The spawn of a loving mom and a model dad. Good looks run in the family and he’s so aware it sometimes he hates it. I think he read that comforting quote saying that the most beautiful people are the most unhappy ones because they are afraid no one is looking beyond the surface, because he kinda gave up. He drinks a lot. He started playing with the pros in clubs right after his first big heartbreak. Everyone let him do it. I mean he got his heart  broken, so why not let him break other organs too, right?

He’s not stupid nor intelligent. He is an idiot. When he looks in the mirror in the first 10 mins all he sees is an almost perfect body with a pretty face. He actually winks at himself proudly, until he starts thinking. About his age, he’s not 18 anymore; about his friends – which friends?! about his family – “never proud enough, so why bother?” But that’s why he’s going out every night, so he would not have time with himself. His worst nightmare. 

 He has thoughts, feelings and ideas, but also some god damn demons who control the hell out of him. But I am here to help. I am actually scared and I have no idea how I am gonna do it, but I have to make a difference in his life. I am gonna be mean, fearless and strong for this one. I promise. 

  

Rationality slayed emotionality with the sword of reason. But emotionality didn’t surrender. She is still there, tied with chains of Hypocritism to the walls of Fear, crying fighting and screaming , begging to be set free from that prison of Lies, tired to be bowing, submissive, to the deceived winner. 

The eternal fight, on the other hand, between Mind and Heart, never had Winners or Losers, never known a victory: only a desert of pain and an ocean of regrets.

Thoughts of an honest mind. Thank you for sharing, my friend. ❤️

vomiting rainbows

I hate going to bed alone. The moment when I let go of my phone it starts. Fear, uncommon thoughts and right after I think I will vomit if I don’t close my eyes, I grab my phone and fool my brain again. Sometimes it takes me hours to let myself fall in the world of dreams and I need even more time in the morning when I have to come back. If I wear pj’s I’ll sweat, so a cold shower will get me closer to that 9am meeting. If I sleep naked, the bed will be extremely attractive and I will make love all morning. But alone. It takes a lot out of one to make me feel that comfortable.

I learnt how to be with myself. It took me like 26 years and some damn smart or annoying people to get me here. I am reading an article about a study on lonely people. It says they (or we) tend to respond more negative to social stimuli. Now it makes sense why after 2 years of crawling for free weekends to party and hang out with people, I find myself in bed on Friday evening and back to world on Monday. I am lonely, therefore negative, right? I used to hate myself for missing out the good parties or people, but now, unless you don’t beg me or bike with me, I will just pass. My friends don’t even bother anymore. Sometimes I think they forgot about me and when they call me after months I feel like vomiting rainbows of gratitude.

I don’t gossip or bad mouthing anymore. Except myself. I don’t hear people who do it, and in my daily concerns I swing from making big decisions like stop wearing a bra for a year or moving to Australia. “You run away from your life!” Excuse me? This is my life. I am a nomad. I change. I move. I learn. I dream. I cry. Hope. Laugh. Work. Eat and try to love. Even my loneliness, my imaginary friends or my broken phone. In days like this when I get unexpected texts saying I am funny or a thank you note for something I did without even realizing, rainbows come out of my mouth. Of happiness. So, researchers, where would you put me now?

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ps: they removed puking rainbow filter on snapchat so my life is ruined again!

achy breaky heart

Windy, rainy and darky weather these days in Copenhagen, people.  But this is also the forecast for my achy breaky heart… For more than a year when I didn’t even get jealous or interested in any of my exes girlfriends, well let’s just say I started counting the days and hours till I see my crush. But this is not just pissing me out, but even people I don’t know their last name get to hear me winning about it. I guess it has been a year when everyone got themselves “one of those things called girlfriends” and I was just spending too much time online and being too lazy to go out. Oh well, lemme just quote from porn hub’s tweets: “karma is like 69 – you get what you give.” 😁
The other day I was waiting for a friend outside of a store and while with one hand I was holding my bike with the other one I was checking Tinder messages and guess what I dropped? MiPhone (because the bike was the better choice). But right there, coming from the unknown of real-life, 2 guys pick up my phone and didn’t walk away without saying: “Tinder is dangerous!”

Damn it. I grinned and felt such an idiot. They were right even though I was really only checking … but then I kept thinking wtf am I still doing on Tinder?! I mean I get so many weird texts that it makes me want to drop my phone. Like this one:

 Hi Viorela,

you probably wonder why I added you. I saw you on tinder and your first name is quite unique, so it was easy to find you here.

Dont worry, I am not a stalker. I just thought about your tinder text and you are absolutely right. It´s really a pain in the ass to find a good partner in this city, especially as a foreigner.

I can promise you 2 things:

1. I am serious about finding someone, not like a lot of other people on tinder (both genders) who are just looking for a hook up.

2. I am a foreigner and also dont understand the danish way of dating (you know, dont talking unless they are totally drunk, then have sex and on the next morning pretending not to know you)

If you like this mail, lets go out for a date. I am not that fashion oriented as you are – might be the difference between studying IT and working in IT, but I am a nice guy 😊

Have a lovely weekend

Jan

This guy deleted me after I spent 18 hours thinking of a decent reply. I guess I will just post it here since I am so unique and easy to find!

Dear Jan,

Damn, boy, you got me so wrong! First of all, me not liking your profile was the first sign we are not a match. Then it comes my description. Really?! I mentioned jobs and apartments in the same line and level as boyfriends as being on one’s searching list in this city. But I get your focus on love life since we were o Tinder and you worked your IT skills to find me on Facebook. But I can tell you 2 things about me:

1. My kind of seriousness on finding someone is definitely not on Tinder. Which actually makes me one of those who are just looking for a hookup. Actually, I was also looking for jobs and apartments 😉

2. I am a foreigner but I have never had such amazing dates like the ones Danes offered me and more importantly: thought me. I actually learned how to date here and, yeah I can totally get drunk and forget your name forever if I want to, but I know to make the most nervous or cocky guy remember mine forever too. Yes, after one date!

Now, if you are still stalking me and see this, please don’t bother asking me out again. We were never a match and even though you might be a nice guy, I will never fall for that.

Have a nice life!

V.

Now, I m sure there are thousands of special girls out there who are dying for this kind of love stories, but this guy wasn’t even good looking for my shitty tastes in men. You can call me a big of an ass right now and I don’t blame you, but I know what and who I want (even though he’s just not that into me and my mom told me to hold my horses).

Oh well… Goodbye Tinder guys, 7th edition. Guess breaking my phone and getting a new story is what I needed 😉

PS: I haven’t told my crush I wanna date him and I would like him to at least text me (Yes, he has my phone number) and give me that heartbreak I’m scared to get by myself. So, dude, please, make the right call in here. Thank you! ❤️

How I fell in love with a programmer

  • Your code is spaghetti!

When he said that, I squeezed hard my hand in my hoodie’s pocket and forced myself not to throw a comeback line. I mean who the fuck is he? 😮

He is that guy who has a full agenda and you rarely see him. He’s often at conferences where he presents on panels. Than he tweets and writes about them on his LinkedIn page where he has hundreds of geek followers crazy opinionated. I roll my eyes every time he takes pictures of the: “AMAZING audience @ the panel on #digitalentrepreneurship @RazorfishTechSummit.” Looking at the nerdy faces in the public I secretly wish to be there as the woman in the red dress. Devil laugh. I can’t remember which one of my belovers planted this idea into my head, but it’s on my todo list.

Anyway, back to my code. And my guy.

  •  You know what code is?

I furrow my brow. What is he expecting me to answer? That’s a rhetorical one, but I will let him be the smartass now. He eyes me sympathetically and explains:

  • We are around 18 million programmers. The world needs programmers for everything that surrounds you and if not, it will. For example, programmers write the code that runs your TV and if your floss doesn’t need a code now, I can bet you it will in the future. I am gonna tell you my view of software development as an individual among millions. Code has been my life and it has been your life, too. Don’t you think it’s time to understand how it all works?

I am looking at his mouth, he has nice lips. I am checking his eyes. Never noticed how blue they are. I am laying back on my chair and grin. I think I am gonna unexpectedly enjoy this convo.

  • It becomes easier with every month to do things that have never been done before, to create new kinds of chaos and find new kinds of order. Every month code changes the world in some Interesting, Wonderful or Disturbing way. You know that someone, somehow, enters a program into the computer and the program is made of code. Computers usually “understand” things by going character by character, bit by bit, transforming the code into other kinds of code as they go. Every character truly, truly matters. Every single stupid misplaced semicolon, space where you meant tab, bracket instead of a parenthesis—mistakes can leave the computer in a state of panic. The trees don’t know where to put their leaves. Their roots decay. The boxes don’t stack neatly. For not only are computers as dumb as a billion marbles, they’re also positively Stradivarian in their delicacy.

Trees, leaves and roots? Stradivarius and delicacy? Where is this going? I feel romance…

  • That process of going character by character can be wrapped up into a routine—also called a function, a method, a subroutine, or component. And that routine can be run as often as you need. Second, you can print anything you wish, not just one phrase. Third, you can repeat the process forever, and nothing will stop you until the machine breaks or, barring that, heat death of the universe. Obviously no one besides Jack Nicholson inThe Shining really needs to keep typing the same phrase over and over, and even then it turned out to be a bad idea.

Boy, he talks a lot. I though programmers are only good at coding, not explaining it… and this good.

  • Coding is a broad human activity, like sport, or writing. When software developers think of coding, most of them are thinking about lines of code in files. They’re handed a problem, think about the problem, write code that will solve the problem, and then expect the computer to turn word into deed. Code is inert. How do you make it ert? You run software that transforms it into machine language. The word “language” is a little ambitious here, given that you can make a computing device with wood and marbles. Your goal is to turn your code into an explicit list of instructions that can be carried out by interconnected logic gates, thus turning your code into something that can be executed—software.

Magic!!! 😀

  • Oh, there’s no magic, no matter how much it looks like there is. There’s just work to make things look like magic. And it’s crazy in there! The hardest work in programming is getting around things that aren’t computable, in finding ways to break impossible tasks into small, possible components, and then creating the impression that the computer is doing something it actually isn’t, like having a human conversation. This used to be known as “artificial intelligence research,” but now it’s more likely to go under the name “machine learning” or “data mining.” When you speak to Siri or Cortana and they respond, it’s not because these services understand you; they convert your words into text, break that text into symbols, then match those symbols against the symbols in their database of terms, and produce an answer. Tons of algorithms, bundled up and applied, mean that computers can fake listening.

Fake listening? Is that what I am doing right now? Cuz a lot of other things run into my head…

  • Enough talk. Let’s code!

No, let’s let you talk some more… I am truly listening. Your language is amazing!

  • A language is software for making software. Truly understanding a language’s standard library is one of the ways one becomes proficient in that language. Typically you just visit Web pages or read a book. A coder needs to be able to quickly examine and identify which giant, complex library is the one that’s the most recently and actively updated and the best match for his or her current needs. A coder needs to be a good listener (like you, right now). Code isn’t just obscure commands in a file. It requires you to have a map in your head, to know where the good libraries, the best documentation, and the most helpful message boards are located. If you don’t know where those things are, you will spend all of your time searching, instead of building cool new things.

I want a programmer right now and for life! Command: redirection of the man of my dreams! ❤

  • Dream of 10x programmers if you will. But I wouldn’t hold out hope that one will come to work for you. You can’t hire them for the same reasons you can’t coach the Chicago Bulls and you aren’t often called upon to date supermodels of your preferred gender. They’re not interviewing at your crappy company for your crappy job. They’re not going to come and rescue your website; they’re not going to make you an app that puts mustaches on photos; they’re not going to listen to you when you offer them the chance to build the next Facebook, because, if they exist, they are busy building the real Facebook. Sometimes they’re thinking about higher mathematics, or how to help a self-driving car manage the ethical choice between running over a squirrel and driving off a cliff. Or they’re riding their bikes, or getting really into pottery. It’s hard to have a better life than a great programmer, as long as they’re unencumbered by physical or mental illness.

Why are you making this harder??

  • As a class, programmers are easily bored, love novelty, and are obsessed with various forms of productivity enhancement. God help you if you’re ever caught in the middle of a conversation about nutrition; standing desks; the best keyboards; the optimal screen position and distance; whether to use a plain text editor or a large, complex development environment; chair placement; the best music to code to; the best headphones; whether headphone amplifiers actually enhance listening; whether open-plan offices are better than individual or shared offices; the best bug-tracking software; the best programming methodology; the right way to indent code and the proper placement of semicolons; or, of course, which language is better. And whatever you do, never, ever ask a developer about productivity software!

He completely outranks me now. Not with his 500+ LinkedIn connections, his highly profitable company nor his age. He strokes his short beard with his tanned hands (he hikes a lot) and continues:

  • If coders don’t run the world, they run the things that run the world. Print something on our screen now.

62rtd

 

Hello World! Needless to say how I enjoyed this guy stories and perspectives on programming. Read Paul’s whole story here.