Down to The Self-Destruction Road

Sometimes you are just a twenty-something-year-old who needs to survive shit with all the fucking options in the world. What food to buy or eat, what path to chose for your career, where to travel next, what job to apply to or who to love, kiss or bang, befriend or go out with.

Too many options and so many mistakes to make!

Sometimes you are just a twenty-something-year-old who goes home to their empty apartment where there is only alcohol and weed awaiting. Most of the nights, a 7/11 slice is the warmest thing that gets closer to your body and you can’t’ remember the taste of home-made meals.

Sometimes you love the last person your dreams pictured for you and … oh well, you gonna do it anyway. Because we don’t choose whom we fall in love with and getting out of it doesn’t really work.

Sometimes you are just in the wrong bed with the wrong person lying to yourself it is gonna get better and that one day this will feel right. Then they break up with you. And you are all over the place. You’re a mess. A carpet of all of a sudden feelings, shitty thoughts, stupid ideas and a craving for vices. Then you embrace the unavailability. Both ways.

Sometimes you wake up and you’re not a twenty-something-year-old anymore. You’ve been over that idiot bitch who didn’t love you back, you don’t have that friend with benefits anymore and winning at a board game doesn’t bring you that joy anymore.

You are the worst! and you are your best. Everything. But hey, don’t despair, it’s gonna be better. I have a good feeling about you 😉
fullsizeoutput_109b
my all time favorite snap from a road

There is such a close line between believing you’re doing something selfish that should be for your own better self and ending up doing something completely self-destructing.

But we don’t know it until after it hits us with a message, in a friend’s speech or gets out in that badass gut voice we hear when sober. Enjoy the road, no matter how bumpy it is!

Have a good week!

x

 

The Cheesiest Kiss

A few weeks ago, around 2:00 am, on the way from one bar to another, I stopped on the side of the street to talk to some strangers that seem like nice people. What are you guys doing tonight?
Among them, there was one boy that wasn’t scared of me. Well, he was quite drunk, and unaware of what he’s getting himself into.
What’s your name? I asked him.
When he told me his name was just as my Teddy Bear’s, I was l like awww that is too cute. I bet I am as huggable as your Teddy Bear. 🐻 I knew right there he’s not just a flirt, he also needs affection and, luckily, I like hugging people. The hug was long and honest. He smiled when our bodies separated and he leaned to my face to kiss me. And there I was, in the middle of the night, hugging a stranger and having two seconds to think my next step:
‘Ok, this is a complete stranger whom I can’t even tell if he’s hot or not, why should I kiss him? Think fast! Well, I wanted to kiss someone cute tonight, and none of the other guys got me in this weird but sweet situation. And he is indeed as huggable as my Teddy Bear! I will just kiss him and go!’ So I did.
Yes, I think that much and that fast per second and that is how I take most decisions in my life. No offense taken.
The kissing was really adorable. He just interrupted to tell me I am a good kisser and then we kept kissing like teenagers. I took the compliment well and paid it back nicely. Yes, I can be nice too.
Few minutes of good kissing went and my friends were already taking pictures of us and giggling about it. I won’t add it here as I trust you trust me it did happened. They say I kiss like in the movies and the pics are fun too. The paparazzi thing stopped our kissing and then we tried to exchange Instagram accounts, because yes, that’s what cool kids do these days. He said he will text me when he gets to the club we were all heading. He never texted me (although he did come to the club). I was a bit sad… But not as sad as the day after when I realized he did not even follow me back on Instagram. 💁🏻
I texted him. I mean give me a break, I was bored, curious and hungover that Sunday. Isn’t that what you would do? (probably not)
Why aren’t you following me back? I asked being original af.
He’s like I am at some event.
Fine, you don’t need to, I was just curious if you wanna keep in touch.  I thought I was funny but he didn’t laugh.
Yes, could be fun, he said.
Meh. Could be fun?! Are you kidding me, boy? Oh man, I am dealing with these boys forever and I am still surprised?!
But hey, people say I give up easily, so this time I didn’t! I told myself, he was super sweet and such a good kisser. So we texted a few times and also set a date. Coffee on next Sunday. Next Sunday came and he had a family thing so he canceled. Fine. Family comes first. Another week passed, another Sunday coffee date was set and he canceled again. I mean 2 weeks and 2 dates being canceled by this teddy-bear-name guy who promised me good coffee and a hand with my IKEA closet. I gave up. Sorry peeps, I tried.  But then another week went by and I got tired of seeing my Ikea closet unassembled so I texted him saying, ‘Hey, I know this sounds weird, but I really need someone to help me with my closet. We are neighbors anyways, so if you ever have time, just come over and help me. If not, it’s completely fine. 🙂
He said Ok and on the 3rd Sunday, he came. It took him like 5 minutes to fix my closet and that was pretty impressive. But I am over him today. So when he tried to kiss me again, I told him: Dude, I really wanted to see you again and you canceled me 2 Sundays. You kinda broke a piece of my heart. (Well I meant my ego, but that’s another talk). Did anyone break your heart? 
And there it was. The story of his girlfriend who is a nice girl with a lot of issues that decided to leave this sweet handyman to fix herself. I loved his story. It was honest, simple and sad. He was sad. I told him I would like to be remembered as a nice girl in many people’s minds and then he tried to kiss me. And there I was again in the arms of the same cute stranger from the street with only 2 seconds to think. Well you probably know what I did, right? I wanted to be nice. And I was for like 2 seconds. So I kissed him back. And that was cheesy as fuck – probably the cheesiest kiss I ever had – because this guy just had a four cheese pizza!!! Four!
I mean, don’t get me wrong, as much as I like a good story and cheese itself, I cannot taste it during a kiss.
That was all. I thanked him for fixing my closet, he thanked me for being mean and then he left.
Hope this brought a smile on your face and will make you think of kissing next time you have cheese 🙂
xx

Don’t Talk About Sex During Dinner

Our generation has less sex than our grandparents’ and that’s because we can talk about it more than we will ever put in practice.

I never talked to my parents about sex. I barely talked about sex with anybody until I was far away from home and anyone who could judge me. During all this time of having a tabu subject, I established rules, fantasies, and principles. All for myself and the ones involved.

Time has passed and from amazing experiences to frustrations and relationships, I have slightly …changed. My rules found their exceptions. My fantasies found their reality and my principles got outdated. A few years ago I even asked my grandma when was the last time she and my beloved grandfather …banged. She laughed as that would be the very last question from me, but a very welcomed one from a friend.

– Four years ago, she whispered it.

She was in her seventies back then.

The other night I was at a dinner table with friends of friends and was making conversation with this guy next to me who I barely knew. After some small talk and a big glass of wine, he says very nonchalantly:

– I miss sex!

Oh, wow! Someone in my shoes, I immediately thought. I have to admit I was happy to hear him saying that. Suddenly I felt less alone on this planet. Someone else has as less sex as I am. The discussion escalated in describing times when he was having sex three times per day on the balcony, in the kitchen, or outside his building. Now he’s having a distance relationship and forced to wait for that time of the month…

– Oh, you know what I love doing? Oh, my God, I cannot tell you this…

– Tell me now!

Disclaimer: I wish I could’ve recorded his exact words because it was short, simple and on point: the way he would tease the girl so bad by ripping off her panties and leave. To the store or somewhere she could not see or touch him. Just for ten minutes. And by the time he would be back, she’ll be all over him. Mission accomplished!

Damn, boy! you’re good. Yes, he was a simple cute boy, and yes, I can relate plenty of girls would love a for-play like that. He asked me what sexy things I’ve done, what I would do and what do I like. I answered with the same nonchalance.

– I bet your birthday is in springtime, he commented afterwards.

– How do you know??!

– Because all the girls I had something with were born in spring.

I didn’t say anything more. I just backed off politely and pretended everything is normal. Problem is I can’t stop thinking how good that food was while having that conversation. But maybe was just the restaurant, right?

However, don’t do it at home, and especially not outside. You will get horny af and the next day at the office you will be extremely unproductive. 🙈

IMG_4494
#foodporn

 

killer way (not) to kill a crush

I couldn’t move. We were standing in the middle of that one place that I always fantasize to “trash” with an extreme desire and passion for the human love. It wasn’t the elevator.
I don’t think we were hugging but our bodies were placed tight one onto the other and it felt like two halves put for the first time together. There we were, standing as two halves with conscious minds, fears, insecurities, expectations and a common (in)ability to blend. Our feet were fixed deep on the floor and almost shaking. Our hands were exploring surfaces of clothes and felt new body structures without having the courage to go deeper. Our minds were navigating through all sorts of thoughts and could only imagine what would be beyond all the details. A smooth skin, a muscly chest, a firm touch… maybe an amazing lover?
We already have decided we shouldn’t do anything. Well, I did and he respected my decision. It was just a matter of time until one would fail.
– So you don’t want me to have you right here, right now in the most exciting possible way? he asked staring at me with his glazing eyes.
– No.
I was half lying. He knew that every single inch of my body was screaming “yes”, but I just didn’t want to feel the dull-after-glow.
– I am thirsty. I said after minutes of sniffing, trembling and touching this fascinating man.
– What do you wanna drink? He asked me swallowing some hardcore impulses.
– Anything.
We still didn’t move nor interrupted anyhow the big nothing we were doing. I knew he was waiting for me to fall. To kiss him. To undress him. To have him right there in the most forbidden place. I struggled so much not to though, was curious to see how much can he wait, and I was also secretly hoping he will fail first.
I made the first step back. I think it was the hardest step back I had to take… Damn, my body was paralyzed! I was using all my force left to move away and get some water. My mouth was so dry…
– I would’ve taken you home if you…
– Me too. I said sad but relieved.
Then I left.
It was just a crush. For both of us. And we didn’t consummate it for the sake of not killing its feels. Having a crush like this makes your imagination go wild, lets your hormones dance and beats all the porn videos out there.
 IMG_2593

How I said NO to my future husband

It was a risky move, I admit, and is not that every day comes along with a flawless British man asking me to ask him to marry me. Yes, he actually made me say it so he could play the game a little bit differently. 🙂 Cheeky, right?

The story is not that long. We met last night at a great house party where we both knew very little the crowd. We didn’t notice each other till hours later and he was friends with the guy I was going for. So I had the hots for this German/Irish speaking dude who was way more charismatic than any German I have ever met. Even now, years later, I still roll my eyes thinking about all the German guys I’ve met and dated. They are just not working for me… 😛

Ok, back to my husband from the title. When I noticed him he was right next to me at the bar – yes, the house party had a private bar with real bartenders and it was awesome! – I asked myself, how didn’t I notice him earlier tonight? He seemed really in place: six-foot tall British guy, stylish, a bit too serious for a house party, a combo of a businessman and a hipster, age fit, good smile and quite the observant type. My mom would absolutely adore him!

Since nobody was asking anything interesting after they helped me pick my cocktail, I just felt the perfect moment to engage in a serious conversation:

-Guys, I have a really serious question for you. Can you tell when a girl has a crush on you?

-Well, that is a really good question, the tall Brit said.

-Thank you! I added politely.

We all had a laugh when he said that men can tell girls like them when it’s obvious. Moving on…

-I guess you can tell by the signs. For example, the eyes can’t lie, the funny Brit continued.

When he said that, he was looking really careful into my eyes, so I couldn’t help but flash my eyelashes in a very obvious way to keep the fun tone alive. Yet, he took it as literally as the most obvious sign I am into him.

-So, for a scale of 1 to 10, how much I like you tonight? I asked keepeing my eyelashes dancing and lips zipping from the Moscow Mule.

-10! he said being dead serious.

Oh, wow, I am obvious as fuck! so obvious I can’t even joke about. I am still confused though. I am not into him, though he thinks I am. How can I be into him already? and how can that forced eyelashes game can work?  Oh… that British humor.

But then, my real crush was right next to me assisting quiet and smiley.

-What do you think, mister? I asked him with in a perfect time to get away from the awkward moment where I was exposed as a complete in-love girl with a man I met 7 minutes before, and to find out the truth. How much do you think I am into you?

-Well, usually, girls tell me they like me better than my friend here. But that’s just what they tell me…

Ok, he didn’t embarrass any of us with a stupid scale number which I shouldn’t ask like that if I don’t like the answer, right? But then again, it was the first way to figure out the phenomenon I am interested in now. A few days ago, a wise man told me that guys always know when you like them! they know before you like them! How is that possible?? Such a paradox and such a good topic to explore in-depth. Another guy joined the conversation and they all admitted it’s hard to tell for sure when girls have crushes. But then again, there are too many types of men. And some make you like them just because they think you like them. And then you think the whole day about them and write a blog post. Ah, can anyone give me some spine here?

I slowly moved to another group of people and join a conversation that allowed me to process the new information. After they chatted a bit – probably on deciding on who’s gonna go after me – the confident Brit came and stole my attention with some catchy lines in my mother tongue.

-How do you say I love you in your language? he continued.

-Te iubesc, I answered.

He kept staring at me and smiling in a very intimidating way. I didn’t stare back.

-How do you say marry me?

-Vrei sa fii sotia mea?

-Not yet, darling. I don’t think I am ready for it now…

-No worries, darling. I am not looking for a wife anyway.

The condescending Brit was put down a bit and turned silent while I turned to his way hotter friend whom I think gave up on me the moment his friend fell in love. He probably realized I am actually into him and the game was over.

-Sometimes is just about the hunting game, he said.

-I agree. I must day, answering with that “10” was a bold move of your friend. For some it might seem a cocky and silly answer, but for others it might bring a really pleasant effect.

Soon after, I went home without anything but a slight regret I had a wrong strategy. Why did I want the redshirt German Irish speaking bloke – whom I knew from the beginning he’d be only a one night stand – over Mr. Britside who looked definitely husband material? 🙂 

Sorry, mom. Maybe next time 😉

 

PS: this is my funny version of the real events happening last night. I bet some of the guests there will read this entry and could have extra info. They are all expected in my inbox. For example, these guys’ names. 😅 I just realized I didn’t even get their names

Perfect Sunday Morning

She was half asleep when he came with coffee and French croissants, her favorite. It was one of those mornings when she was smiling over a good feeling about life. It was his first time in this apartment, but he knew exactly where the coffee cups are and how to get himself comfortable in the room’s window. She would look at him sunbathing and feel jealous he took her favorite seat. “But he brought croissants. He can sit there”, she was thinking while reaching for the coffee holding the sheet around her.
– Oh, I forgot to ask, how do you like your coffee? He asked with a slight concern she might want sugar…
– Just black. She smiled and took another sip of her coffee.
– Good. So he turned confident and silent into his world by the window.
He didn’t ask anything, nor did he analyzed her anyhow. It was like he wasn’t even there. But then she asked him a million questions to nihilate the awkward silence. So they talked about his passions, her dreams, his travels, her plans, his friends, her dad and his dentist. By the time she got dressed and ready to sit in her usual window spot, he moved on a chair and started looking at her.
– We haven’t seen each other for 1,5 years. I remember that day like it was yesterday.
– I don’t remember, he said.
– It was that day I was smiling with all my sides over some good news and when I heard you’re gonna be at that party, I came to see you.
He moved to bed, needed to stretch.
She stopped talking and started analyzing him. That bright smile, his baby face, messy hair, body, hands… perfect. And he’s so calm, confident, open-minded, steady, impenetrable and wise. Flawless. Out of her world.
– I wanna hold you for a bit, he invited her back into her own bed.
She had no idea what to do, nor what to say. Eventually, she mumbled her first thought:
– I don’t cuddle…I am scared.
He looked at her with his dark empty eyes and smiled like she was talking nonsense.
– Come here.
So she did. And for the next ten minutes, she would let herself feel different waves of energy, think miles away and be proud of overcoming another fear.
Few cuddles later, he said goodbye, and all she could think of was how curious is that this perfect loving man would make her miss the one guy who is completely his opposite.

Girl Flying High

Damn girl, you’re flying high! This is all I can think of since yesterday when I booked no less than 10 flights for 2016! Say whaaat?! I know!!! I am gonna be travelling the shit out of me next year and I couldn’t be more excited!!! 😍

I have been preparing for this since last year when …actually I have no idea how I came up with this idea of living in Australia and New Zealand. But the coolest thing is that I made it happen. So I am gonna do it! I am gonna be visiting New Zealand and be studying in Australia for the next 6 months. Now how freaking cool is that??! Oh boy, oh boy!!!

Are you gonna miss me when I am gone? I’ll be only 17, 995 kilometers away! 😱

  

  
#hatersgonnahate

Ps: I am subrenting my room for 6 months while I am flying high. Contact me if your dream is to live in Copenhagen 😁