The Cheesiest Kiss

A few weeks ago, around 2:00 am, on the way from one bar to another, I stopped on the side of the street to talk to some strangers that seem like nice people. What are you guys doing tonight?

Among them, there was one boy that wasn’t scared of me. Well, he was quite drunk, and unaware of what he’s getting himself into.

What’s your name? I asked him.

When he told me his name was just as my Teddy Bear’s, I was l like awww that is too cute. I bet I am as huggable as your Teddy Bear. 🐻 I knew right there he’s not just a flirt, he also needs affection and, luckily, I like hugging people. The hug was long and honest. He smiled when our bodies separated and he leaned to my face to kiss me. And there I was, in the middle of the night, hugging a stranger and having two seconds to think my next step:

‘Ok, this is a complete stranger whom I can’t even tell if he’s hot or not, why should I kiss him? Think fast! Well, I wanted to kiss someone cute tonight, and none of the other guys got me in this weird but sweet situation. And he is indeed as huggable as my Teddy Bear! I will just kiss him and go!’ So I did.

Yes, I think that much and that fast per second and that is how I take most decisions in my life. No offense taken.

The kissing was really adorable. He just interrupted to tell me I am a good kisser and then we kept kissing like teenagers. I took the compliment well and paid it back nicely. Yes, I can be nice too.

Few minutes of good kissing went and my friends were already taking pictures of us and giggling about it. I won’t add it here as I trust you trust me it did happened. They say I kiss like in the movies and the pics are fun too. The paparazzi thing stopped our kissing and then we tried to exchange Instagram accounts, because yes, that’s what cool kids do these days. He said he will text me when he gets to the club we were all heading. He never texted me (although he did come to the club). I was a bit sad… But not as sad as the day after when I realized he did not even follow me back on Instagram. 💁🏻

I texted him. I mean give me a break, I was bored, curious and hungover that Sunday. Isn’t that what you would do? (probably not)

Why aren’t you following me back? I asked being original af.

He’s like I am at some event.

Fine, you don’t need to, I was just curious if you wanna keep in touch.  I thought I was funny but he didn’t laugh.

Yes, could be fun, he said.

Meh. Could be fun?! Are you kidding me, boy? Oh man, I am dealing with these boys forever and I am still surprised?!

But hey, people say I give up easily, so this time I didn’t! I told myself, he was super sweet and such a good kisser. So we texted a few times and also set a date. Coffee on next Sunday. Next Sunday came and he had a family thing so he canceled. Fine. Family comes first. Another week passed, another Sunday coffee date was set and he canceled again. I mean 2 weeks and 2 dates being canceled by this teddy-bear-name guy who promised me good coffee and a hand with my IKEA closet. I gave up. Sorry peeps, I tried.  But then another week went by and I got tired of seeing my Ikea closet unassembled so I texted him saying, ‘Hey, I know this sounds weird, but I really need someone to help me with my closet. We are neighbors anyways, so if you ever have time, just come over and help me. If not, it’s completely fine. 🙂’

He said Ok and on the 3rd Sunday, he came. It took him like 5 minutes to fix my closet and that was pretty impressive. But I am over him today. So when he tried to kiss me again, I told him: Dude, I really wanted to see you again and you canceled me 2 Sundays. You kinda broke a piece of my heart. (Well I meant my ego, but that’s another talk). Did anyone break your heart? 

And there it was. The story of his girlfriend who is a nice girl with a lot of issues that decided to leave this sweet handyman to fix herself. I loved his story. It was honest, simple and sad. He was sad. I told him I would like to be remembered as a nice girl in many people’s minds and then he tried to kiss me. And there I was again in the arms of the same cute stranger from the street with only 2 seconds to think. Well you probably know what I did, right? I wanted to be nice. And I was for like 2 seconds. So I kissed him back. And that was cheesy as fuck – probably the cheesiest kiss I ever had – because this guy just had a four cheese pizza!!! Four!

I mean, don’t get me wrong, as much as I like a good story and cheese itself, I cannot taste it during a kiss.

That was all. I thanked him for fixing my closet, he thanked me for being mean and then he left.

Hope this brought a smile on your face and will make you think of kissing next time you have cheese 🙂

xx

Boy Meets Writer Girl

The boy loved her writings and wanted to know about who she really is. He wrote her a letter, introduced himself and started being e-friends. For a very long time, they only texted each other online. The beginning was promising: lots of flirting, excitement to get a text, curiosity, and many missing pieces in the puzzle. They did not know how they look like. Well, she kept it a secret. She thought if he is really interested in her, her looks don’t matter.

But one day they decided it is time to meet. Sunday morning by the Lakes.

I will wait for you holding a red rose on the stairs behind the planetarium, she said.

At 9 am the boy was heading the planetarium stairs to meet the girl that stole lots of his time in the last months. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw this beautiful young redhead woman coming towards him. She was wearing a silk green dress and eating strawberries. He went straight to her forgetting completely about the red rose.

Let me pass, she said with a slightly provocative smile.

Before saying anything, the boy sees behind her an older woman holding a red rose and waiting on the stairs. She was not the skinniest and her hair was greasy and grey. Her feet were heavy and hiding under a dark brown dress. The spring redhead girl was gone now. The boy looked back for her, but then his feeling for this woman were stronger and did not let him follow the pretty girl. The older woman was standing still. She was pale but seemed intelligent and her eyes were kind.

He tried hard not to show his disappointment and went to talk to her. After all, they had been sharing the most beautiful texts and probably some sexts too. He said hi and introduced himself.

Hi, you must be fixpink. I’m Joe, nice meeting you, finally. Can I buy you a coffee?

I don’t know what you are talking, son. The redhead girl gave me this rose and she said if you buy me a coffee I should tell you she is waiting for you inside that restaurant over there.

.

.

.

*Disclosure: the story is not mine. Heard it before in Romanian and adapted to my own little blog. If you find Joe and the real green dress girl, let them know they’re cool :)*

Too Bad We Didn’t Connect

When you kiss a stranger in the club and he ends it up by saying:

– Too bad we didn’t connect…

The end.

Want the long story? This is not a good one, but surely there are some lessons coming from it:

• When one of your friends accidentally ‘steals’ your date, dare to ask for another one in return. Something like ‘Wanna swap dates, now?’ And if they slightly feel guilty, they will definitely have a recommendation
• Be patient! one year later you will get the attention of their ‘recommendation’ (most likely by mistake) in return for your altruist giveaway date. It is karma!
• If they wanna pay for the drinks, let them! You will probably never see each other again because they might turn you off by saying something in the middle of the kissing; Too bad we didn’t connect…
• Stop kissing them, laugh politely and go home, especially if you are not drunk enough to give them a life lesson. And even more, if you pay for their drinks! Don’t be too altruistic, your last year date was probably even worse.

Too bad we didn’t connect?! are you fucking kidding me? I barely connect with my pets, family or people whom I know for years and still struggle figuring out why we are even hanging out. No, mate, having a connection is something you build in months or years with someone who allows you to be completely yourself without feeling judged or anything less than you truly need to be. Or at least that was the definition last time I checked. 😉

But hey, you are 1000% right, it is too bad we did not connect. Cause that is the gold we are all hunting for, right?

❤ until we connect again.

 

the friend, the date, the recommendation and the victim

JUST ASK ME

If you ever wonder what is my first name, just ask me.

If you ever wonder how life has been before we met, just ask me.

However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.

If you ever assume I have issues, don’t do shit with it, just ask me.

If you ever see me in your vicinity, don’t just assume I don’t care or wanna talk to you,

But go ahead and ask me to.

If you want me to stop talking, please, just ask me.

If you wanna know what time is, feel free to ask me.

If I was ever a bitch to you, don’t tell your bestie before you come and ask me.

However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.

If you ever want me to come, to leave, to stop, to start, just try and ask me. This one might be risky good though.

If I bite your lip too hard, just ask me not to.

If I don’t dare to kiss you, please do not just ask me to. You could ask me why though.

If I am being strangely polite to you, you must’ve done something meh or awfully good.

Don’t ask me if you don’t wanna know, but do ask me if you wanna be polite too.

When you eat and I am around, do not just eat without asking me!

If you think I am Joey, please just ask me. I might or might not be.

If I have food and don’t ask you, please feel free to ask me.

I am easy, just ask me and you will see.

However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.

Food, red, candy or a lovemaking scene – will always be my favorite things you could ask me.

To take, to join you, to taste, to be.

However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.

If you wanna marry me, go ahead and ask my mom.

Pam. pam.

If just ask me, this is the end of story.

a series of unfortunate events #1

 I do not have a boyfriend, but I know a handful of guys who are mad at me for saying that. I can also hear those thinking ”I wonder why!’.

Well, sawry…

Dating is a complex concept for mating that human beings use in order to develop relationships that ideally are meant to last longer than in reality. And for fun. Period.

My recent personal problems revealed my most unsociable feature as I never found myself in: being antisocial, aka impossible to date. But hey, check this out. I am still present in people’s calendars.

I still say yes to people. For example this screenshot is the proof that someone got a go from me a couple of weeks ago to ask me out. When he asked me when I am available I said, like any other Dane in about two weeks, on Tuesday, the 15th of May evening. Because I also added it in my calendar (after he kindly sent this snippet to me), today I was actually waiting any moment to get that invitation or the details. Now, at 9pm after stopping the snooze and getting really lazy, I lost hope. I honestly lost hope in all men out there now – at least those I’ve met so far. And I just came back from Italy. I know.

Italy was really fun though. Been asked to marriage before even going out! I believe we are going back to the old school ways of dating and relationships and I am actually more excited about trying that than waiting for this guy to call me.

Well, that was all for today, folks. Nothing else exciting in my dating life. Except that the other day I went on a second date with a tinder kiwi guy whom I met a year ago and I literally told him not to dare to kiss me (like I was made of porcelain or something – dad would be proud). Also, a French tourist whom I met last weekend suggested we should kiss. And I was quite confused and surprised because he actually told me he’s looking for a husband… I said no, of course, I am not that kind of man! But then we figured out his English was way poorer than his taste for women.

Oh, and I think I got the worst crush ever. So bad I can’t even tell you about. I talked to the kiwi tinder guy about it and then he thanked me for not letting him kiss me. No, I am joking!! Haha, he just said women are stupid! 😛

Ok, good night.

waiting for that ONE guy to ask me out!

PS: if the guy having this event on his calendar today sees this, please come up with the best excuse ever. Like you died or something like that! 😀

PPS: the title is really reflecting my latest series of unfortunate events with my housing, family, friends, boyfriends, but this one is the least worst of them.

Stay tunned.

And now she’s gone…

She was born in a wealthy family somewhere in the Carpathian Mountains. I never met her mother, but I always imagined her as this tall, serious and pretentious lady who had servants at the house. The tall lady had six daughters and two boys – the boys had a servant dad though. But I get it, he must have been more fun or something like that.

My grandma was the third last daughter of this Carpathian family. I think she was the rebel one. At 20 she fell in love with the most handsome and complicated man she ever met. Their relationship was not approved by any of their families so in the in the first year they would sleep in the stables of my other grand-grandmother whom I imagine was even taller and bitchier (I heard she never liked my granny so that is why).

In Romanian culture, all the fairytales have the princess called Ileana Cosinzeana. I guess that is why the rich lady named my grandma Ileana. It is an alternate name for Helen or Elena, and the meaning of the name Ileana is “my God has answered; sunray; tree; Trojan”.

When I was a kid she used to take me and brother everywhere she’d go. So we would go with her to work the fields, bring back home the cows or pick up mushrooms after summer rains. She loved adventures and she would always be outside the house. When she would not include us, my brother and I used to treat her like our hobby. We would go find her, hide somewhere in the trees or big barrels to see what is she secretly doing. She would love spending time with herself, checking the animals, making sure they are all taking care of and sometimes she would check people while secretly smoke a cigarette. She will always remember the time for when someone had to do something and make sure they will get a notification. Endless the times she would go to wake up my dad to go to work, or to take us to school. I will never forget her golden mechanic watch with that old used leather bracelet. Now it’s broken but a few years ago I gave her mine, something I bought once from London Luton that just reminded me of her own.

My grandparents had a daughter that died when she was one year old because her brain was too big. She was too smart, they used to say. She developed all her senses too early for her age. I always had the image of her as being this wonder kid who was too good for the world she was born in. I also imagine I am the next one born in the family with her legacy. But hey, I haven’t died and sometimes I can literally feel my brain being too small.

The other two kids, my dad, and his sister are really nice people. Well raised and very diplomatic. With a strange sense a humor and a high interest in sports and politics. They have a lovely relationship, but most importantly, a strong connection. They had a hard time growing up in a really small village where the big floods ruined most of the houses in the valley, including their own. My grandfather, the tall complicated man, was the only villager who built a new house after all that tragedy in the early eighties. My dad’s family had no home at all. They would sleep in the village school or in warm empty stables… This would be in my dad’s last year of high school when he applied for colleges. Unfortunately (or not) that didn’t happen for him so he went to the army. After the army and all the other girl, here comes my mom. The queen of so many areas. My mom was born on the same day as my grandma, but only 40 years later. I never thought they were alike, though. They never quite liked each other but they ended up loving each other more than ever.

This is one of my favorite stories. When my aunt was two, my grandma took her further up in the mountains to her sister so she could stop breastfeeding her. I guess that is definitely a half-century ago thing, but what is a million years ago thing, is that my grandma used to horse ride over 30 kilometers every night for two months just to go and say goodnight to her daughter. That is just… wow.

My first ever great adventure was when I was about 12 years old and my grandma took me, my brother and our three other cousins on a trip over the hills for mushroom picking. It was a whole day trip where we were walking, hiking, looking at the most amazing wild animals I have ever seen and talking about everything. My grandma wasn’t really a talker. She would listen more to other people stories rather than she would tell her own. But I remember, about 15 years ago, I asked her when she was the last time her and grandpa … you know what. She laughed, giggled a bit more and then said innocently embarrassed that it’s been four years. I guess it still cool to know they been … you know what until in their sixties. They have been together for 60 years and I will never forget my grandfather’s joy and happiness when my grandma came back from the hospital the first time – about a decade ago. That is when I knew how much he loves and needs her. About one and a half years ago my grandpa passed away. I was there. My grandma didn’t have enough energy in her body to scream out the pain she was feeling. That hurt me more than him leaving us.

Damn. Now she’s gone. I knew she wants to go too and be with him, but I didn’t think it would be today. Not so close to my birthday, not before my wedding, not before I would introduce her to my kids and tell her about the other great stuff I am planning to live.

Now she’s gone and I am not home. But I told her many years ago that I am not gonna be there. Because this is how I wanna remember her. A great, courageous mountain woman who has done everything she thought is good for her family and every stranger she has ever met. I love her for that and I thank her for teaching me how to mushroom foraging, how to not be scared, how to explore places, how to meet people and how to live a full life of whatever it brings.

Rest in peace or bon voyage, my Wonder Grand Woman!

PS: She loved wine so here is me raising a whole bottle in her memory! And don’t mind me if I will do it for the rest of my life!

I’ll be strong.

Let’s talk about bad sex, baby!

Men think bad sex is when their partner is boring. Women describe “bad sex” when they experience emotional discomfort or, more often, physical pain.

We live in a world where little girls are told they are pretty and grow up believing that this is what their social value resides in. We also live in a culture that sees the man’s pleasure as a right and the woman’s pain as normal.

As a girl, the first thing you hear about losing your virginity is that it is painful and that is normal! Uhm… breaking news, peeps! That is not true if don’t want it to be! Create your own story and take control, baby! You can plan for the perfect first night and lose that status or chastity in the most beautiful way. You will always have high standards after that happens but is worth it. Trust me, been there, done that! 😉

To be a good looking girl may be a pain in the ass (also literally in some countries). Mostly because girls are subconsciously looking for other people to take pleasure in their looks as a reward. This is cultural and historical. Because they are raised to believe that what others think of them is more real than what they actually think of themselves. Taking pleasure in other people’s pleasure is not negative, as long as you don’t alter yourself.

Women offer pleasure in return for a high social status, for not being cheated on, for not knowing how to respect their bodies. I am extremely tired of games, plays and facades that people play in order to get a partner. When it comes to relationships, people say:

“Be less yourself! Only show them your good side.”
“Don’t show your true face until after the wedding!”
“You never tell them how you really feel.”

Oh. My. God. This is tiring. Annoying. Betraying. A waste of time and people. I do not accept to believe that deceiving someone just to get them to commit to you is anyhow respectful. I consider it a betrayal and a waste of time for both parties.

But how is this connected to bad sex, you ask?
People match professionally, financially, physically or/and unworldly. I believe this is also the right order. Sex can be good only if you learn it together and grow both in the same direction. Or if you simply match unearthly in bed – which is the best sex I am gonna tell you all about another time. Bad sex is when the transcendent one is missing completely and you don’t cry of pleasure, but of disgust with yourself. Bad sex is caused by one partner treating the other one as a human doll for fapping. When there is no emotional connection, no fantasy including both of you, the other one will feel used. And it’s especially the female part of the couple who will feel that. Here is an inspiring article about the female price of male’s pleasure.

Bad sex is when you’re both good looking, match the age, the social status, the humour, the interests, but there are no butterflies, no trembles or anyone smiling and humming. You know those mechanical moves and positions you’ve seen in porn? Well, that’s just accompanied masturbation. Not gonna call it bad sex when both parties just wanna fuck, but when one is having feelings and the other one doesn’t, the aftermath is just terrible. Days of overthinking, tons of stupid messages, endless frustrations and bad next move plans. That is another pain human female or male can feel after having bad sex.
Communication. Communication. Comm… oh, and no expectations, but just passion. Those are the keys. Develop a passion for love and there will not be any bad sex left because you gonna let your body in the hands of the one you love. And if you love truly and unconditionally, you won’t have time to think about expectations and disappointments because you gonna be too high in love and probably delusional. 😀  But then again, the match will be unworldly. ❤️