I asked him if he ever loved me. 

What a strange question, he said.

Please indulge me, I insisted.

I am.

You what?

I love you. It doesn’t stop just because we can’t be together.

Awwww. Wish you could’ve said that four years ago – it would’ve spared me from a lot of breakdowns and shitty decisions!

Shitty decisions are important too.

You are right. Well, thank you!


 

*Kids, this is not how I met your father.

 

Down to The Self-Destruction Road

Sometimes you are just a twenty-something-year-old who needs to survive shit with all the fucking options in the world. What food to buy or eat, what path to chose for your career, where to travel next, what job to apply to or who to love, kiss or bang, befriend or go out with.

Too many options and so many mistakes to make!

Sometimes you are just a twenty-something-year-old who goes home to their empty apartment where there is only alcohol and weed awaiting. Most of the nights, a 7/11 slice is the warmest thing that gets closer to your body and you can’t’ remember the taste of home-made meals.

Sometimes you love the last person your dreams pictured for you and … oh well, you gonna do it anyway. Because we don’t choose whom we fall in love with and getting out of it doesn’t really work.

Sometimes you are just in the wrong bed with the wrong person lying to yourself it is gonna get better and that one day this will feel right. Then they break up with you. And you are all over the place. You’re a mess. A carpet of all of a sudden feelings, shitty thoughts, stupid ideas and a craving for vices. Then you embrace the unavailability. Both ways.

Sometimes you wake up and you’re not a twenty-something-year-old anymore. You’ve been over that idiot bitch who didn’t love you back, you don’t have that friend with benefits anymore and winning at a board game doesn’t bring you that joy anymore.

You are the worst! and you are your best. Everything. But hey, don’t despair, it’s gonna be better. I have a good feeling about you 😉
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my all time favorite snap from a road

There is such a close line between believing you’re doing something selfish that should be for your own better self and ending up doing something completely self-destructing.

But we don’t know it until after it hits us with a message, in a friend’s speech or gets out in that badass gut voice we hear when sober. Enjoy the road, no matter how bumpy it is!

Have a good week!

x

 

The Jigsaw Puzzle

We’re being spoiled with choice. There are 7,6 Billion people out there and we stick to the one we’ve met in college. Because of commitment, because of history, because of comfort and because of the fears and the demons screaming: what if you won’t find anyone as nice and supporting? Who else would accept all your flaws so easily? Whose parents will be so loving? What about your friends? What about awkwardness? Fucking dating apps! ugh… that heavy bunch of rocks in the back of your mind, in your stomach and all the alcohol they are floating on…
– It’s fucking insane. I am stuck!
– You can’t imagine a world without it, don’t you?
– Well… it’s intense.
– Take the leap!
– To what?
– You know it better.
Not being tight to someone’s hip all the time increases the level of curiosity, desire, and attraction. Distance and differences in hobbies are the secrets of creating the erotic energy in a relationship between us and the one we love. Esther Perel adds that this energy is built in that gap between you and your partner and your desire to close it and to be intimate.  Perel and other specialists (including my current self) believe that the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.
But we wait. For people to take actions, to fulfill our exceptions and our illusions. The wait is an animal fed with ideas of someone to come or to leave. SPOILER ALERT: They won’t. But you sit there and you wait, waiting for an excuse to get out, just waiting for them to do something unforgivable for u to have a good reason to break up with them. But they won’t do that. So u have to lower your standards for what unforgivable is. So you start with ‘if they are cheating on me that is perfect’ but time goes by and there is not even a slight chance for that to happen. That’s when you get to the bottom unforgivable leaving the seat on or slurping one decibel louder than ever! BAM!
My male Irish comedian version and devastatingly intelligent Daniel Sloss is asking us: have you ever felt being trapped in a relationship where basically it feels like someone is dying but nobody is actually dying, but you secretly wait for that – because that is the best ultimate reason to be free from someone you love less than u used to? If the answer is yes… then let go. Take the leap. Create that distance relationship experts are discussing to be the liaison between two people who want to be together.
– I took the leap! I know it’s the right thing. Feels like shit though.
– Listen. You’re an incredibly beautiful and lovely human. That one doesn’t deserve your attention and affection. You’re a remarkable person and it’s so important to be brave and put yourself out there and do what you did. So I am going to ask you to promise me that this won’t stop you doing the same thing in the future. The world needs more people like you. x
In less than a week, Sloss got a record of breaking up over 4,000 couples right after his Jigsaw Netflix Special got released. Please go watch it and get back to me with some mean feedback!
Make me smile!
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this could be us, but we love to play hide and seek

September Issues

I’ve never met David Bowie, but he once said aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been. My stomach twirls every time I think of all the times I’ve hidden under heavy masks of conformity to toe the line the social groups I’ve aim for expected me to.
It’s September now, a few decades later and I don’t want to worry about that. I don’t want to worry about my mistakes. Note to self: let things happen organically. Do not rush the process! Deep breathe now. 👃 I also need to make my friends understand I should not be put on speakerphone. I speak my mind and my personality too loud. Did you know I have a bubbly personality? Well, I didn’t either. I just got endorsed by my manager for it and I want to think it wasn’t sarcastic. 🙄
So… September is here and I am a bit tired after this hot summer. Do you know how hard it is to find someone with a mind just as beautiful as their face? That’s one hard race. And I thought running a marathon is difficult! Speaking of running, I just did my first 5k in public the last day of August and I am so proud I didn’t die I will set more running goals for me. Yas, I know, I am getting cooler. I also want bigger boobs, but let’s save that for winter, ok? ( Dear Santa…✍️)
Summer is gone – winter is coming – I kissed some hot boys and then heard them crying (or seeing them run back to their exes). I don’t really get why. My philosophy is if it doesn’t hurt a bit then what’s the point of playing with fire? And you know that is my element. You also think I am a player, don’t ya? Well, let me tell you something, young lady (or boy)! I actually grew up with Disney movies and I am a grown hopeless romantic. I hope to fall in love with someone who never stops choosing me, someone I feel at home whenever I look at them. (Dear Santa, one more thing…✍️) I am not using sarcasm as a defense mechanism and I am not avoiding my feelings with dark humor. Seriously, I am not.
They say the smarter you get the less you speak. Well then, that’s my queue. Have a great week ahead, you brave and bored reader! Sorry that your job sucks that much you have time to read this. But hey, I do appreciate it.
Muah!
xx
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The Cheesiest Kiss

A few weeks ago, around 2:00 am, on the way from one bar to another, I stopped on the side of the street to talk to some strangers that seem like nice people. What are you guys doing tonight?
Among them, there was one boy that wasn’t scared of me. Well, he was quite drunk, and unaware of what he’s getting himself into.
What’s your name? I asked him.
When he told me his name was just as my Teddy Bear’s, I was l like awww that is too cute. I bet I am as huggable as your Teddy Bear. 🐻 I knew right there he’s not just a flirt, he also needs affection and, luckily, I like hugging people. The hug was long and honest. He smiled when our bodies separated and he leaned to my face to kiss me. And there I was, in the middle of the night, hugging a stranger and having two seconds to think my next step:
‘Ok, this is a complete stranger whom I can’t even tell if he’s hot or not, why should I kiss him? Think fast! Well, I wanted to kiss someone cute tonight, and none of the other guys got me in this weird but sweet situation. And he is indeed as huggable as my Teddy Bear! I will just kiss him and go!’ So I did.
Yes, I think that much and that fast per second and that is how I take most decisions in my life. No offense taken.
The kissing was really adorable. He just interrupted to tell me I am a good kisser and then we kept kissing like teenagers. I took the compliment well and paid it back nicely. Yes, I can be nice too.
Few minutes of good kissing went and my friends were already taking pictures of us and giggling about it. I won’t add it here as I trust you trust me it did happened. They say I kiss like in the movies and the pics are fun too. The paparazzi thing stopped our kissing and then we tried to exchange Instagram accounts, because yes, that’s what cool kids do these days. He said he will text me when he gets to the club we were all heading. He never texted me (although he did come to the club). I was a bit sad… But not as sad as the day after when I realized he did not even follow me back on Instagram. 💁🏻
I texted him. I mean give me a break, I was bored, curious and hungover that Sunday. Isn’t that what you would do? (probably not)
Why aren’t you following me back? I asked being original af.
He’s like I am at some event.
Fine, you don’t need to, I was just curious if you wanna keep in touch.  I thought I was funny but he didn’t laugh.
Yes, could be fun, he said.
Meh. Could be fun?! Are you kidding me, boy? Oh man, I am dealing with these boys forever and I am still surprised?!
But hey, people say I give up easily, so this time I didn’t! I told myself, he was super sweet and such a good kisser. So we texted a few times and also set a date. Coffee on next Sunday. Next Sunday came and he had a family thing so he canceled. Fine. Family comes first. Another week passed, another Sunday coffee date was set and he canceled again. I mean 2 weeks and 2 dates being canceled by this teddy-bear-name guy who promised me good coffee and a hand with my IKEA closet. I gave up. Sorry peeps, I tried.  But then another week went by and I got tired of seeing my Ikea closet unassembled so I texted him saying, ‘Hey, I know this sounds weird, but I really need someone to help me with my closet. We are neighbors anyways, so if you ever have time, just come over and help me. If not, it’s completely fine. 🙂
He said Ok and on the 3rd Sunday, he came. It took him like 5 minutes to fix my closet and that was pretty impressive. But I am over him today. So when he tried to kiss me again, I told him: Dude, I really wanted to see you again and you canceled me 2 Sundays. You kinda broke a piece of my heart. (Well I meant my ego, but that’s another talk). Did anyone break your heart? 
And there it was. The story of his girlfriend who is a nice girl with a lot of issues that decided to leave this sweet handyman to fix herself. I loved his story. It was honest, simple and sad. He was sad. I told him I would like to be remembered as a nice girl in many people’s minds and then he tried to kiss me. And there I was again in the arms of the same cute stranger from the street with only 2 seconds to think. Well you probably know what I did, right? I wanted to be nice. And I was for like 2 seconds. So I kissed him back. And that was cheesy as fuck – probably the cheesiest kiss I ever had – because this guy just had a four cheese pizza!!! Four!
I mean, don’t get me wrong, as much as I like a good story and cheese itself, I cannot taste it during a kiss.
That was all. I thanked him for fixing my closet, he thanked me for being mean and then he left.
Hope this brought a smile on your face and will make you think of kissing next time you have cheese 🙂
xx

Boy Meets Writer Girl

The boy loved her writings and wanted to know about who she really is. He wrote her a letter, introduced himself and started being e-friends. For a very long time, they only texted each other online. The beginning was promising: lots of flirting, excitement to get a text, curiosity, and many missing pieces in the puzzle. They did not know how they look like. Well, she kept it a secret. She thought if he is really interested in her, her looks don’t matter.

But one day they decided it is time to meet. Sunday morning by the Lakes.

I will wait for you holding a red rose on the stairs behind the planetarium, she said.

At 9 am the boy was heading the planetarium stairs to meet the girl that stole lots of his time in the last months. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw this beautiful young redhead woman coming towards him. She was wearing a silk green dress and eating strawberries. He went straight to her forgetting completely about the red rose.

Let me pass, she said with a slightly provocative smile.

Before saying anything, the boy sees behind her an older woman holding a red rose and waiting on the stairs. She was not the skinniest and her hair was greasy and grey. Her feet were heavy and hiding under a dark brown dress. The spring redhead girl was gone now. The boy looked back for her, but then his feeling for this woman were stronger and did not let him follow the pretty girl. The older woman was standing still. She was pale but seemed intelligent and her eyes were kind.

He tried hard not to show his disappointment and went to talk to her. After all, they had been sharing the most beautiful texts and probably some sexts too. He said hi and introduced himself.

Hi, you must be fixpink. I’m Joe, nice meeting you, finally. Can I buy you a coffee?

I don’t know what you are talking, son. The redhead girl gave me this rose and she said if you buy me a coffee I should tell you she is waiting for you inside that restaurant over there.

.

.

.

*Disclosure: the story is not mine. Heard it before in Romanian and adapted to my own little blog. If you find Joe and the real green dress girl, let them know they’re cool :)*

JUST ASK ME

If you ever wonder what is my first name, just ask me.
If you ever wonder how life has been before we met, just ask me.
However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.
If you ever assume I have issues, don’t do shit with it, just ask me.
If you ever see me in your vicinity, don’t just assume I don’t care or wanna talk to you,
But go ahead and ask me to.
If you want me to stop talking, please, just ask me.
If you wanna know what time is, feel free to ask me.
If I was ever a bitch to you, don’t tell your bestie before you come and ask me.
However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.
If you ever want me to come, to leave, to stop, to start, just try and ask me. This one might be risky good though.
If I bite your lip too hard, just ask me not to.
If I don’t dare to kiss you, please do not just ask me to. You could ask me why though.
If I am being strangely polite to you, you must’ve done something meh or awfully good.
Don’t ask me if you don’t wanna know, but do ask me if you wanna be polite too.
When you eat and I am around, do not just eat without asking me!
If you think I am Joey, please just ask me. I might or might not be.
If I have food and don’t ask you, please feel free to ask me.
I am easy, just ask me and you will see.
However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.
Food, red, candy or a lovemaking scene – will always be my favorite things you could ask me.
To take, to join you, to taste, to be.
However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.
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If you wanna marry me, go ahead and ask my mom.
Pam. pam.
If just ask me, this is the end of story.