killer way (not) to kill a crush

I couldn’t move. We were standing in the middle of that one place that I always fantasize to “trash” with an extreme desire and passion for the human love. It wasn’t the elevator.
I don’t think we were hugging but our bodies were placed tight one onto the other and it felt like two halves put for the first time together. There we were, standing as two halves with conscious minds, fears, insecurities, expectations and a common (in)ability to blend. Our feet were fixed deep on the floor and almost shaking. Our hands were exploring surfaces of clothes and felt new body structures without having the courage to go deeper. Our minds were navigating through all sorts of thoughts and could only imagine what would be beyond all the details. A smooth skin, a muscly chest, a firm touch… maybe an amazing lover?
We already have decided we shouldn’t do anything. Well, I did and he respected my decision. It was just a matter of time until one would fail.
– So you don’t want me to have you right here, right now in the most exciting possible way? he asked staring at me with his glazing eyes.
– No.
I was half lying. He knew that every single inch of my body was screaming “yes”, but I just didn’t want to feel the dull-after-glow.
– I am thirsty. I said after minutes of sniffing, trembling and touching this fascinating man.
– What do you wanna drink? He asked me swallowing some hardcore impulses.
– Anything.
We still didn’t move nor interrupted anyhow the big nothing we were doing. I knew he was waiting for me to fall. To kiss him. To undress him. To have him right there in the most forbidden place. I struggled so much not to though, was curious to see how much can he wait, and I was also secretly hoping he will fail first.
I made the first step back. I think it was the hardest step back I had to take… Damn, my body was paralyzed! I was using all my force left to move away and get some water. My mouth was so dry…
– I would’ve taken you home if you…
– Me too. I said sad but relieved.
Then I left.
It was just a crush. For both of us. And we didn’t consummate it for the sake of not killing its feels. Having a crush like this makes your imagination go wild, lets your hormones dance and beats all the porn videos out there.
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Day 5: Giving a Good Breakup

I wanted to break up with him right after our first date. He was so … dangerously wrong for me. But I couldn’t. I was drawn to all the things in him I was desperately trying to change about me. He was this innocent, sweet, sensitive, but courageous and stubborn emotionally unavailable guy I just got a crush on. Plus, how can I break up with someone I am not even in a relationship with? well, read and learn.

Sometimes it’s enough for one moment of something silly said or done for one to fall… I remember I specifically asked him not to share with me anything personal, cause there is no point to get attached. I promise you, I did. He politely agreed. For five minutes. Shortly, we were like “oh my God, I’ve never told this to anyone in my life…”. “Me neither!” And it was all there. All our childhood issues, our heartbreaks, our wounds… and all two people need to connect on a personal level. Soon after, our demons wouldn’t stop asking us to let them play together. Fortunately, as satisfying was seeing them dancing in the sky, as painful the moments after turned to be.

Day, and weeks, and months went by and the sweet guy still had a weird place in my mind. The connection was unclear, the communication was poor, and our play dates were rarer and rarer. I wanted to explain everything – to myself, first of all, so I had a talk to my baby demons (ah, I wish they were dragons irl), and got them realize they need better playmates. Then I talked to the sweet guy:

My dear sweet guy, I am sorry for being an asshole with you and not entirely honest. I always thought you are adorable with that childish happy smile – even though only you know how much pain it hides. I always loved the way your eyes would dance frenetic, letting me only imagine what’s going on through your mind. Our times were sweet and sour. You were the Maraschino cherry liqueur to my rye whiskey. I know we could make a good Manhattan one day, but now we’re missing the other ingredients. We both have to go on different journeys and find them. I can’t wait to meet again for a tasteful one.

Ok, maybe I added a few words there, but that’s how I remember it now. And after many failed communication attempts between us, this one turned to be the most graceful and beneficent for both of us. Proud, ey?

The moral of the story:  is better to be the cherry in the glass. 😀

Better be the cherry in the glass!

You are someone’s reason to masturbate

Having a crush just makes it so much easier to masturbate. If you don’t believe me, ask any porn star. But just like they masturbate on love and dreams, so do the rest of us, girls with not so much experience in boys. Now, I am not just being modest, but more likely comparing to some phenomena I see around.

There so many hot guys in Denmark, you won’t believe, but harder to believe is, that most of them are pretty smart. And that’s quite exciting, but then comes something that really turns me off: the insecurity. They put it on your side, they pretend that you wouldn’t understand or accept some things and they lie. Oh, how do they lie… And even lies like “I could do this for the rest of my life” and “You’re the only girl I want” ruin the most beautiful fantasies.

I love having crushes. Even those I can smell the crashes coming after. They get my heart pump, make me hope and dream. Also, keeps my imagination wild. So…

When you fall you fly 

I think it’s about time you admit that you have a crush on me!

– I admit.

What now?

– I want that and that and that too. I want you to give me at least everything I gave you and well of course, don’t get boring. Confessions always bring misery and punishment is required.

– So now I have to make a decision or …say something?

That would be the painful outcome of starting this conversation, wouldn’t be?

– Not if you see it like that.

Right now it’s all fucked up. I haven’t had the right experiences or enough wisdom to figure out how  telling someone you’re in love with might actually end up in your favor. And because of that I am afraid of doing it and probably a very large amount of singles are too. Tinder knows best.

-So?

So you are my SO. Am I yours?


“When you fall you fly”

Late summer lovemma

You know that August night when you go to a party wearing shorts and on the first brrrr the hot guy is offering you his pants? Yeah, me neither! Haha But I bet you know that morning when you wake up in his bed and all you can think is that “love is where the pants is” (double haha). 😂

  

My #3 fan, Kris, asked me the other day if the cute guy from school will be a character on my blog. I obviously haha to him and then realized I haven’t shared my latest crush (enough). So this is about the sweetest and sexiest guy I met since I am single and my dilemma if I should tell him that I am into him or not. I have no idea how in this world one tells her crush that she doesn’t want to meet his parents nor meet every day, but date the fuck out of him? As in kiss and hold hands in public and not sharing him with potential housewifes? I mean, believe me, it makes me vomit too…like literally I can’t eat cuz I am afraid all these weird “things” will fly the food out of my stomach the moment I see him. 😐 

“Block! Ignore! Date someone else! Forget about him! He would’ve kissed you in public last time you were there. Oh well… He’s just not that into you!” 😢😣😤😡

Is this what you gonna tell me?! Common…not again 😦 I need another story!

Kris, Maxine and Søren – my only 3 readers – what should I do?? We all need some material for this blog, don’t we?😍