Hey, pretty girl*

Hey, pretty girl, how is it going?
Who is seeing you naked these days?
Who steals your eyes in their glowing?
Spreading ambrosia in their ways 
And tears with pepper
No missing, it’s better. 
You cried enough. 
Images… hot stuff.
You don’t want to remember. 
It’s the end of December.
The times when your soul was small. 
The days of this bleak fall. 
Today you’re laughing at your feels,
You’re drowning them in coffee,
Overthinking in your heels,
Wishing for that trophy,
Forgetting about your meals.
Looking in the mirror with your hair loose 
Your heart and mind are still abused. 

sadgirl

You painted your nails in black, 
Your friend is now the dark.
Wearing your glittery eyes 
You’re strong and wise.
Forget about your therapists!
Forget about the other specialists!
Live your sadness until your thoughts die
And you will reach out to the sky. 
It’s over for you and I
Who knew you can cry rivers? 
Come to me. I won’t lie. 
I won’t give you the shivers.
Don’t cut your hair again.
Don’t run to Spain.
Wait until you’ll have a healthy brain. 
The mirrors will show you.
Take my hand and let’s get away.
We’ll wait for a breezy May. 
We’ll talk after some wine and coffee, 
Some people and stories,
Some chocolate with toffee
And new territories. 
(translated and adapted from a poem one of my amazing Romanian gal pals wrote on her blog)*
Hope you like it 🙂

Giving Days 31, 32, … 50

Another 20 days have past and I have been giving away some serious things. Well, to be honest, ten days ago I was panicking at the office asking people what did I do nicely for them in the past weeks.

You gave me your concealer before that photoshooting.

Great! That’s about the nicest thing I must have done for a guy. 😛 I know, I am modest. Here is a list of the 20 things I gave away the past weeks:

Day 31: I returned two phone battery tanks to their owners.

Day 32: I went to a stranger’s birthday and made them laugh.

Day 33: I shared my date with a friend – I think this was a good deed and, even though I lost my date, I gain a thank you note 😛

Day 34: I said and did how the song goes: “I might hate myself tomorrow, but I am on my way tonight!

Day 35: I donated some of my clothes.

Day 36: I  gave a good advice to someone who needed it

Day 37: I shared my food.

Day 38: I told someone I miss them

Day 39: I gave someone who missed me a very nice phone call

Day 40: I wasn’t mean when I wanted to be

Day 41: I held my tongue when I wanted to speak up harshly

Day 42: I gave a silence treatment pretty well haha

Day 43: I forgave someone for yelling at me and putting me down

Day 44: I gave someone a book

Day 45: I made a shoe compliment to a lady

Day 46: I was friendly and sweet to an asshole boyfriend

Day 47: I let my ex-boyfriend love me

Day 48: I worked hard at work – over my strengths and hours

Day 49: I made dinner for a friend

Day 50: I love some people more than they know!

Damn! that was hard. I imagine you might think these things are super insignificant and don’t really count in real word as givings, but they are all I can remember now for doing well in the last 3 weeks. Some of them are straightforward, but those you don’t understand they are quite private and intimate for me. And remember, this #360GiveChallenge is just for my own development as a human being.

Day 7: Giving Muffins

On my last day before starting my new job,  I baked two dozens of banana muffins. I packed them in different small paper bags, put them in my bike’s basket and started a trip of delivery. I also bought some cute yellow flowers which fit just lovely on my red bike.

I called a few people to see if they’re home – most of them were busy or out of town. Sorry guys, now you know what you missed! So when I left the city I still had few muffins left. Whom should I give them to? I was just passing my ex’s work place and my first instinct was to stop, walk in and give him a muffin. But I just offered him a breakup… what would the muffin mean? Would he think I am bipolar and changed my mind, that I still wanna keep in touch or maybe he’ll just remind me that he’s vegan and refuse my gift? Too many possibilities. By the time I considered them all, I was already gone and is quite uncomfortable to turn while I am biking.

So, I made a couple of friends richer with a few banana muffins. Then it started raining.

Great day! 🌦

PS: I didn’t do the muffins as part of my 365Give Challengee, but because baking is one of my hobbies. So contact me if you need a muffin baker – I can make it for money too! 😉

 

Day 4: Giving Mattress #2 and an Apple Pie

Yes, another mattress has found itself – with my help – a new owner.

I made a good apple crumble pie and shared it with friends.  I am good at baking – should do it more often.

I gave back the 10 kroner I owed to the bakery store on my street. The lady was surprised and thanked me like it was a gift. Hehe 😀

And I gave myself…a break. Not from giving, but from stressing out. 🙂

 

Day 3: Giving Support

You know it’s true what they say about saying “yes”? Yes, you do. Since I started this #365give Challenge and became more open to giving things, good things happened to me. I even got some tax money back! 😀 But the coolest thing is meeting some really interesting people. One of them is Leo Yankton, a Native American from Oglala Lakota, Pine Ridge Reservation.

You know that moment when you’re watching a YouTube video of someone and next thing they are texting you on Facebook? yup. While watching the video below, Leo texted me saying:

Hello, my EXTREMELY beautiful new friend and ally… I was told you may be able to help me link to people who would want to help with crowd funding my White Clay Nebraska Tipi manufacturing company I am going to start to help replace the despair that placed caused for over a hundred years feeding my tribe alcohol (Oglala Lakota) let me know if you have any advice or assistance you’re willing to bless me with.

Now, I didn’t share this to make you curious about how beautiful I am – because you know it… he meant it spiritually – but to take the message as it was sent to you. And now you can join me and Leo into this communal mission of helping people.

This is the first time when I am doing a research on Native Americans and I have to say it’s overwhelming… It reminded me the things I’ve heard and seen about the Aboriginals in Australia and what they went through. Using the same addictive substances from alcohol and sugar, Leo’s tribe has been going through hell not having the chance to better lives.

After having a thought childhood with no electricity, no dad, not enough clothes for school, Leo moved away to the city where he cut his hair and stopped his traditional practices. For him to feel accepted and liked, he started fighting and soon he believed to be a popular awesome kid. Unfortunately, it took him some jail time to realize how superficial and unlike him were all those things. Soon after he went back to his cultural singing, and his spirituality, Leo started building the good life that he’s having now.

Last year, Leo was an active part of the water protection at the Standing Rock camps. He said in an interview for Danwatch:

Standing Rock was an awakening. A worldwide awakening. And it was an awakening of the mainstream. At Standing Rock people were abused by the police who were protecting the oil corporation. People would come to the camp to heal and they would feel extremely welcomed in the camp, so the abuses didn’t matter that much as the spiritual experience. 

Watch the documentary about the protests at Standing Rock on Netflix. Trailer:

At Standing Rock, he was giving people supplies and in return, they gave him a teepee. That’s how he came up with the idea of starting a manufacturing tipi company that could create jobs for his people.

Asked about the differences between the Native culture and the American one, Leo says is like comparing an eagle to a pig. Eagles fly calmly while pigs consume everything in a filthy way. He also believes that there is “an ongoing movement for going back to being an eagle – spiritual – where everyone could become indigenous to planet Earth again”.

Watch Leo’s story and feel free to contact me or him if you have any ideas on how he can have a successful crowdfunding campaign to make a change in people’s lives.

I wish he would be successful and transform WhiteClay – what is now a ghost town – a great start for Leo’s tribe to a better life!

Oh, what I gave to Leo was my pieces of advice on how he should start and run a crowdfunding campaign. And even though the crowdfunding was my master’s thesis subject, I am still not sure which crowdfunding platform would be best for Leo’s project to start his business. We were discussing GoFundMe.com or OneMission.fund. Do you have any ideas which one would help him the most? 😀

 

Day 2: Giving Virtual Hugs

I am really grateful for my friends keeping up with my travels and movings while living abroad. They move around too, but not like me, so we have to Skype, Facetime or WhatsApp. I can imagine most people do it these days, but sometimes it can feel even better than in real life. Mostly because of the comfort one can get being in bed, wearing PJs and moving around the house.

Sometimes we don’t talk for days, sometimes for weeks and, with some people, the connection breaks for years. But then when it’s back again, you just know that’s the core of your friendship.

So this is how you learn giving virtual hugs.

Also, today I gave lots of money to the local store, does that count? 😅

 

Perfect Sunday Morning

She was half asleep when he came with coffee and French croissants, her favorite. It was one of those mornings when she was smiling over a good feeling about life. It was his first time in this apartment, but he knew exactly where the coffee cups are and how to get himself comfortable in the room’s window. She would look at him sunbathing and feel jealous he took her favorite seat. “But he brought croissants. He can sit there”, she was thinking while reaching for the coffee holding the sheet around her.
– Oh, I forgot to ask, how do you like your coffee? He asked with a slight concern she might want sugar…
– Just black. She smiled and took another sip of her coffee.
– Good. So he turned confident and silent into his world by the window.
He didn’t ask anything, nor did he analyzed her anyhow. It was like he wasn’t even there. But then she asked him a million questions to nihilate the awkward silence. So they talked about his passions, her dreams, his travels, her plans, his friends, her dad and his dentist. By the time she got dressed and ready to sit in her usual window spot, he moved on a chair and started looking at her.
– We haven’t seen each other for 1,5 years. I remember that day like it was yesterday.
– I don’t remember, he said.
– It was that day I was smiling with all my sides over some good news and when I heard you’re gonna be at that party, I came to see you.
He moved to bed, needed to stretch.
She stopped talking and started analyzing him. That bright smile, his baby face, messy hair, body, hands… perfect. And he’s so calm, confident, open-minded, steady, impenetrable and wise. Flawless. Out of her world.
– I wanna hold you for a bit, he invited her back into her own bed.
She had no idea what to do, nor what to say. Eventually, she mumbled her first thought:
– I don’t cuddle…I am scared.
He looked at her with his dark empty eyes and smiled like she was talking nonsense.
– Come here.
So she did. And for the next ten minutes, she would let herself feel different waves of energy, think miles away and be proud of overcoming another fear.
Few cuddles later, he said goodbye, and all she could think of was how curious is that this perfect loving man would make her miss the one guy who is completely his opposite.