September Issues

I’ve never met David Bowie, but he once said aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been. My stomach twirls every time I think of all the times I’ve hidden under heavy masks of conformity to toe the line the social groups I’ve aim for expected me to.
It’s September now, a few decades later and I don’t want to worry about that. I don’t want to worry about my mistakes. Note to self: let things happen organically. Do not rush the process! Deep breathe now. 👃 I also need to make my friends understand I should not be put on speakerphone. I speak my mind and my personality too loud. Did you know I have a bubbly personality? Well, I didn’t either. I just got endorsed by my manager for it and I want to think it wasn’t sarcastic. 🙄
So… September is here and I am a bit tired after this hot summer. Do you know how hard it is to find someone with a mind just as beautiful as their face? That’s one hard race. And I thought running a marathon is difficult! Speaking of running, I just did my first 5k in public the last day of August and I am so proud I didn’t die I will set more running goals for me. Yas, I know, I am getting cooler. I also want bigger boobs, but let’s save that for winter, ok? ( Dear Santa…✍️)
Summer is gone – winter is coming – I kissed some hot boys and then heard them crying (or seeing them run back to their exes). I don’t really get why. My philosophy is if it doesn’t hurt a bit then what’s the point of playing with fire? And you know that is my element. You also think I am a player, don’t ya? Well, let me tell you something, young lady (or boy)! I actually grew up with Disney movies and I am a grown hopeless romantic. I hope to fall in love with someone who never stops choosing me, someone I feel at home whenever I look at them. (Dear Santa, one more thing…✍️) I am not using sarcasm as a defense mechanism and I am not avoiding my feelings with dark humor. Seriously, I am not.
They say the smarter you get the less you speak. Well then, that’s my queue. Have a great week ahead, you brave and bored reader! Sorry that your job sucks that much you have time to read this. But hey, I do appreciate it.
Muah!
xx
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The Cheesiest Kiss

A few weeks ago, around 2:00 am, on the way from one bar to another, I stopped on the side of the street to talk to some strangers that seem like nice people. What are you guys doing tonight?
Among them, there was one boy that wasn’t scared of me. Well, he was quite drunk, and unaware of what he’s getting himself into.
What’s your name? I asked him.
When he told me his name was just as my Teddy Bear’s, I was l like awww that is too cute. I bet I am as huggable as your Teddy Bear. 🐻 I knew right there he’s not just a flirt, he also needs affection and, luckily, I like hugging people. The hug was long and honest. He smiled when our bodies separated and he leaned to my face to kiss me. And there I was, in the middle of the night, hugging a stranger and having two seconds to think my next step:
‘Ok, this is a complete stranger whom I can’t even tell if he’s hot or not, why should I kiss him? Think fast! Well, I wanted to kiss someone cute tonight, and none of the other guys got me in this weird but sweet situation. And he is indeed as huggable as my Teddy Bear! I will just kiss him and go!’ So I did.
Yes, I think that much and that fast per second and that is how I take most decisions in my life. No offense taken.
The kissing was really adorable. He just interrupted to tell me I am a good kisser and then we kept kissing like teenagers. I took the compliment well and paid it back nicely. Yes, I can be nice too.
Few minutes of good kissing went and my friends were already taking pictures of us and giggling about it. I won’t add it here as I trust you trust me it did happened. They say I kiss like in the movies and the pics are fun too. The paparazzi thing stopped our kissing and then we tried to exchange Instagram accounts, because yes, that’s what cool kids do these days. He said he will text me when he gets to the club we were all heading. He never texted me (although he did come to the club). I was a bit sad… But not as sad as the day after when I realized he did not even follow me back on Instagram. 💁🏻
I texted him. I mean give me a break, I was bored, curious and hungover that Sunday. Isn’t that what you would do? (probably not)
Why aren’t you following me back? I asked being original af.
He’s like I am at some event.
Fine, you don’t need to, I was just curious if you wanna keep in touch.  I thought I was funny but he didn’t laugh.
Yes, could be fun, he said.
Meh. Could be fun?! Are you kidding me, boy? Oh man, I am dealing with these boys forever and I am still surprised?!
But hey, people say I give up easily, so this time I didn’t! I told myself, he was super sweet and such a good kisser. So we texted a few times and also set a date. Coffee on next Sunday. Next Sunday came and he had a family thing so he canceled. Fine. Family comes first. Another week passed, another Sunday coffee date was set and he canceled again. I mean 2 weeks and 2 dates being canceled by this teddy-bear-name guy who promised me good coffee and a hand with my IKEA closet. I gave up. Sorry peeps, I tried.  But then another week went by and I got tired of seeing my Ikea closet unassembled so I texted him saying, ‘Hey, I know this sounds weird, but I really need someone to help me with my closet. We are neighbors anyways, so if you ever have time, just come over and help me. If not, it’s completely fine. 🙂
He said Ok and on the 3rd Sunday, he came. It took him like 5 minutes to fix my closet and that was pretty impressive. But I am over him today. So when he tried to kiss me again, I told him: Dude, I really wanted to see you again and you canceled me 2 Sundays. You kinda broke a piece of my heart. (Well I meant my ego, but that’s another talk). Did anyone break your heart? 
And there it was. The story of his girlfriend who is a nice girl with a lot of issues that decided to leave this sweet handyman to fix herself. I loved his story. It was honest, simple and sad. He was sad. I told him I would like to be remembered as a nice girl in many people’s minds and then he tried to kiss me. And there I was again in the arms of the same cute stranger from the street with only 2 seconds to think. Well you probably know what I did, right? I wanted to be nice. And I was for like 2 seconds. So I kissed him back. And that was cheesy as fuck – probably the cheesiest kiss I ever had – because this guy just had a four cheese pizza!!! Four!
I mean, don’t get me wrong, as much as I like a good story and cheese itself, I cannot taste it during a kiss.
That was all. I thanked him for fixing my closet, he thanked me for being mean and then he left.
Hope this brought a smile on your face and will make you think of kissing next time you have cheese 🙂
xx

Why Am I Not A Good Girl

If you’re a bad girl, send this article to a good girl. If you’re a good girl, you gonna keep reading.

My best friend just sent me an article that started like that. Was I offended? nah. I just forwarded it to all the good girls I know.

All my friends are good girls. Too good. Way too good for their men, bosses or friends! I don’t tell that to them often, but when I do is to make them feel empowered and to help their wilderness coming out. And the best part is that when it happens, guess who is the first they call? That’s right. I am that bitch!

Good girls please everyone. I just like to be pleased.

Good girls always work too much, too hard and still wondering if they did enough. I am just wondering.

Good girls always say they’re too good. That’s because they have girls like me sharing all our shit and they always feel better about themselves. They say yes to everything while I am limited to chocolate, challenges and good times!

The only time good girls don’t listen is when they cheat on their diet. After cheating on my diet every day, I realized I don’t even listen to myself!

Good girls always have excuses and they will excuse themselves from everything. My excuse is simple. I am just a bad girl. Maybe I should be a batgirl? Wonder who’d be my Batman? Sorry, my ADHD kicked in for a sec.

 

fixpink batgirl
fixBatgirl

 

Good girls stay out of any kind of conflict. I am a magnet for them. Just like I am for all the bad boys.

Good girls are waiting for prince charming. My prince charming is waiting for me.

Good girls sleep and dream about him right now. I am wide awake, dirty and, instead of taking a shower, I am writing this piece for you.

xoxo

FixBatgirl

PS: for more advice on how to be a bad girl, call my manager! oh, wait I don’t have one cuz nobody can manage me. 😆😈

PPS: I’ll add this to my #365givechallenge as the 52day of giving really important advice (and making you feel a bit better about yourself)

Just Another Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in the land of the happiest people in the world, there was a charming gnome who, except 70 virgins, a driving license, and self-esteem, had everything a man could possibly want.
He was living alone in his big castle, feeling happily unloved and scared of all kind of things  (diseases, stronger men, smarter people, disappointments) when one day, completely out of his league, an unusual girl stepped into his office. She was simple, innocent, and cute, just like a fairy, but the Danish gnome saw her complicated, challenging and sexy. So you know how this kind of story goes: the gnome charms the fairy who breaks up with her loving fiancé and they bang. And bang. Bang, bang, bangity-bang! Hot damn bang.
Three years later, the simple girl is a sophisticated, successful young lady (yes, sex does make you look better), who has no issues. Except for the self-destructing, self-sufficient and self-centered characteristics she inherited from the Gnome Charming, who got himself a virgin, a personal driver and a psychiatrist to remind him of his self-worth. But that’s ok.
They both live sadly separated thinking about each other more than they should.
The end.

Happy New Year, Netflix and Chill!

I’m 12 days late. Well, not that kind of late cause I didn’t do it… mostly because one of my friends wished me to get pregnant this year and I got really paranoid about it. I said to her “wish that to yourself, [bitch] I am still young and have lots of things to do before splitting my molecules into another human being aka huge responsibility!”. I mean, I just graduated… I need to try the adult life a bit. All those stories 9 to 5 people told me, like how tired they are and their stupid gorgeous bosses… I want to see if they’re real. 😀 Oh, and I am not sure who I want the father of my child to be just yet. My astrologist says I have some problems in that area. I want to spend the rest of my life with only one guy, but there are too many men out there worth loving. Apparently, I was born under Venus’ watch and that messes up all my relationships.

So, I am here to wish you all a happy new year and that whatever you love may come true and stick around. I know that’s what I want :P. Oh, and stop complaining about your jobs, you can always choose to pass them off (or to others; like me). I am ready to go back to work this year, have awesome colleagues and a super cute, sweet, smart boss ^^.

Another wish I have for you is Netflix and Chill! It’s all inclusive: entertainment, meditation, information, education, company, distractions etc., (Downside/Upside: you have to order pizza).

Oh, and no more dating apps. Unless you know what you want and you know it’s there. 😉

Xoxo

PS: Would you read my book if I write it?? ↓↓↓

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a 10 minute feature

“You are too old for me. I mean don’t get me wrong, I have always been sexually attracted to you, but I don’t think I can live up to your expectations.”
That’s what he told me last night. At 2 am while I was busy feeling good and getting enough attention, he came by my table to have a little chat.

 Okay…
We met 2 years ago. I always thought he was cute, but with a very young taste – somewhere around 22 years old – that never got us in the same circle. He’s a heartbreaker with a broken heart. So I asked him about sex and expectations – because that’s my way of being diplomatic these days. No, seriously, I am not even sarcastic. Surprisingly, even though we thought it’s only chemistry, there are actually some things we have in common. Like our small brown eyes that love to stare in other irises and our favorite sex position. But that’s about it.

After I elegantly took his unexpected, unwanted and unasked-for rejection, he asked me to dance. That never happen. We could have kissed, but then again he was rude, arrogant and drunk. And I am too old for him.

XoXo

PS: this is just because he always wanted me to write about him 😉

Be the Person You Want to Meet!

I love this quote and it made me think a lot about what kind of person I am and what kind of people I enjoy. So I made a list to describe the ones who thrilled me and, of course, I am using the qualities that sum me up (the hot ones). 🙂

  1. A very natural and unique appearance. Like Brianna Wiest says on thoughcatalog: “The most beautiful people are those who are more unapologetically themselves than they are a copy of someone else”.
  2. Huge confidence. A strong sense of self that shows you unbreakable. Not the kind that talks forever and wants to look like a walking Wikipedia. Of course, I admire people who say what they think, but not those who don’t think twice before doing it. Sometimes I prefer humility and this is another good quality.
  3. Humility. I have it and I am just loveable because of it! I never say things to people that might embarrassed them or make them feel awkward around me (and if I do I usually explain they should lightly change something about them).
  4. Killing awkward silence. I am one of those people who feel the silence as a flood in a relationship. When the silence is settling like the fog, everything becomes boring (unless you are high). People who always have a good story to tell make my days. This also goes when somebody is sad: tell him a story that can distract him for at least 10 minutes.
  5. Idea generators. I just love people who have ideas all the time. I like to have options from what to choose. I like to be challenged and usually I do the same with people I like spending time with.
  6. Smartass comebacks! Do I need to say more? Lines that let me speechless make me fall in love. You can see it in my grid large smile on my face that says: Damn it! I just got served in a way that not even I could have done it. Humility comes and says that I accept my defeat with grace. This is what everyone should do in these cases. Accept that you don’t have a better answer to a smartass comeback and do not, I repeat, do not ruin the moment!!!
  7. Make decisions that you believe in. Make them with confidence and no regrets. And even though they turn out not to be the best, you need to be able to admit you were wrong and learn from it. In fact, I don’t even believe in making bad calls – besides saying the wrong things – everything can turn out for the best.
  8. Good bodies make you really attractive, so you need to take care of that. The way you exercise and then the way you dress equals your style. And style is not to follow the fashion, is how you are using it in order to make you look good.
  9. Nice hands, soft skin, cute smile, honest eyes and clean hair. That could do it too.
  10. Honesty! The most important and hot quality of all. I will always look down at those who lie aka cowards and less attractive people.

Well this should do it. These are the things I appreciate and look for in me and the people in my life. I think I forgot humor, but this is a must than doesn’t even have to be in the list. Intelligent people will have most of the qualities above and humor comes as a bonus. 😉

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