September Issues

I’ve never met David Bowie, but he once said aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been. My stomach twirls every time I think of all the times I’ve hidden under heavy masks of conformity to toe the line the social groups I’ve aim for expected me to.
It’s September now, a few decades later and I don’t want to worry about that. I don’t want to worry about my mistakes. Note to self: let things happen organically. Do not rush the process! Deep breathe now. 👃 I also need to make my friends understand I should not be put on speakerphone. I speak my mind and my personality too loud. Did you know I have a bubbly personality? Well, I didn’t either. I just got endorsed by my manager for it and I want to think it wasn’t sarcastic. 🙄
So… September is here and I am a bit tired after this hot summer. Do you know how hard it is to find someone with a mind just as beautiful as their face? That’s one hard race. And I thought running a marathon is difficult! Speaking of running, I just did my first 5k in public the last day of August and I am so proud I didn’t die I will set more running goals for me. Yas, I know, I am getting cooler. I also want bigger boobs, but let’s save that for winter, ok? ( Dear Santa…✍️)
Summer is gone – winter is coming – I kissed some hot boys and then heard them crying (or seeing them run back to their exes). I don’t really get why. My philosophy is if it doesn’t hurt a bit then what’s the point of playing with fire? And you know that is my element. You also think I am a player, don’t ya? Well, let me tell you something, young lady (or boy)! I actually grew up with Disney movies and I am a grown hopeless romantic. I hope to fall in love with someone who never stops choosing me, someone I feel at home whenever I look at them. (Dear Santa, one more thing…✍️) I am not using sarcasm as a defense mechanism and I am not avoiding my feelings with dark humor. Seriously, I am not.
They say the smarter you get the less you speak. Well then, that’s my queue. Have a great week ahead, you brave and bored reader! Sorry that your job sucks that much you have time to read this. But hey, I do appreciate it.
Muah!
xx
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The Cheesiest Kiss

A few weeks ago, around 2:00 am, on the way from one bar to another, I stopped on the side of the street to talk to some strangers that seem like nice people. What are you guys doing tonight?
Among them, there was one boy that wasn’t scared of me. Well, he was quite drunk, and unaware of what he’s getting himself into.
What’s your name? I asked him.
When he told me his name was just as my Teddy Bear’s, I was l like awww that is too cute. I bet I am as huggable as your Teddy Bear. 🐻 I knew right there he’s not just a flirt, he also needs affection and, luckily, I like hugging people. The hug was long and honest. He smiled when our bodies separated and he leaned to my face to kiss me. And there I was, in the middle of the night, hugging a stranger and having two seconds to think my next step:
‘Ok, this is a complete stranger whom I can’t even tell if he’s hot or not, why should I kiss him? Think fast! Well, I wanted to kiss someone cute tonight, and none of the other guys got me in this weird but sweet situation. And he is indeed as huggable as my Teddy Bear! I will just kiss him and go!’ So I did.
Yes, I think that much and that fast per second and that is how I take most decisions in my life. No offense taken.
The kissing was really adorable. He just interrupted to tell me I am a good kisser and then we kept kissing like teenagers. I took the compliment well and paid it back nicely. Yes, I can be nice too.
Few minutes of good kissing went and my friends were already taking pictures of us and giggling about it. I won’t add it here as I trust you trust me it did happened. They say I kiss like in the movies and the pics are fun too. The paparazzi thing stopped our kissing and then we tried to exchange Instagram accounts, because yes, that’s what cool kids do these days. He said he will text me when he gets to the club we were all heading. He never texted me (although he did come to the club). I was a bit sad… But not as sad as the day after when I realized he did not even follow me back on Instagram. 💁🏻
I texted him. I mean give me a break, I was bored, curious and hungover that Sunday. Isn’t that what you would do? (probably not)
Why aren’t you following me back? I asked being original af.
He’s like I am at some event.
Fine, you don’t need to, I was just curious if you wanna keep in touch.  I thought I was funny but he didn’t laugh.
Yes, could be fun, he said.
Meh. Could be fun?! Are you kidding me, boy? Oh man, I am dealing with these boys forever and I am still surprised?!
But hey, people say I give up easily, so this time I didn’t! I told myself, he was super sweet and such a good kisser. So we texted a few times and also set a date. Coffee on next Sunday. Next Sunday came and he had a family thing so he canceled. Fine. Family comes first. Another week passed, another Sunday coffee date was set and he canceled again. I mean 2 weeks and 2 dates being canceled by this teddy-bear-name guy who promised me good coffee and a hand with my IKEA closet. I gave up. Sorry peeps, I tried.  But then another week went by and I got tired of seeing my Ikea closet unassembled so I texted him saying, ‘Hey, I know this sounds weird, but I really need someone to help me with my closet. We are neighbors anyways, so if you ever have time, just come over and help me. If not, it’s completely fine. 🙂
He said Ok and on the 3rd Sunday, he came. It took him like 5 minutes to fix my closet and that was pretty impressive. But I am over him today. So when he tried to kiss me again, I told him: Dude, I really wanted to see you again and you canceled me 2 Sundays. You kinda broke a piece of my heart. (Well I meant my ego, but that’s another talk). Did anyone break your heart? 
And there it was. The story of his girlfriend who is a nice girl with a lot of issues that decided to leave this sweet handyman to fix herself. I loved his story. It was honest, simple and sad. He was sad. I told him I would like to be remembered as a nice girl in many people’s minds and then he tried to kiss me. And there I was again in the arms of the same cute stranger from the street with only 2 seconds to think. Well you probably know what I did, right? I wanted to be nice. And I was for like 2 seconds. So I kissed him back. And that was cheesy as fuck – probably the cheesiest kiss I ever had – because this guy just had a four cheese pizza!!! Four!
I mean, don’t get me wrong, as much as I like a good story and cheese itself, I cannot taste it during a kiss.
That was all. I thanked him for fixing my closet, he thanked me for being mean and then he left.
Hope this brought a smile on your face and will make you think of kissing next time you have cheese 🙂
xx

Boy Meets Writer Girl

The boy loved her writings and wanted to know about who she really is. He wrote her a letter, introduced himself and started being e-friends. For a very long time, they only texted each other online. The beginning was promising: lots of flirting, excitement to get a text, curiosity, and many missing pieces in the puzzle. They did not know how they look like. Well, she kept it a secret. She thought if he is really interested in her, her looks don’t matter.

But one day they decided it is time to meet. Sunday morning by the Lakes.

I will wait for you holding a red rose on the stairs behind the planetarium, she said.

At 9 am the boy was heading the planetarium stairs to meet the girl that stole lots of his time in the last months. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw this beautiful young redhead woman coming towards him. She was wearing a silk green dress and eating strawberries. He went straight to her forgetting completely about the red rose.

Let me pass, she said with a slightly provocative smile.

Before saying anything, the boy sees behind her an older woman holding a red rose and waiting on the stairs. She was not the skinniest and her hair was greasy and grey. Her feet were heavy and hiding under a dark brown dress. The spring redhead girl was gone now. The boy looked back for her, but then his feeling for this woman were stronger and did not let him follow the pretty girl. The older woman was standing still. She was pale but seemed intelligent and her eyes were kind.

He tried hard not to show his disappointment and went to talk to her. After all, they had been sharing the most beautiful texts and probably some sexts too. He said hi and introduced himself.

Hi, you must be fixpink. I’m Joe, nice meeting you, finally. Can I buy you a coffee?

I don’t know what you are talking, son. The redhead girl gave me this rose and she said if you buy me a coffee I should tell you she is waiting for you inside that restaurant over there.

.

.

.

*Disclosure: the story is not mine. Heard it before in Romanian and adapted to my own little blog. If you find Joe and the real green dress girl, let them know they’re cool :)*

Date Someone Who Will Break Your Heart

You should date someone who treats you like shit and eventually makes you feel the shittiest you’ve ever been.

 

 No, I am not sarcastic. We are all scared. Scared of being rejected, scared of being lied to, cheated on and hurt in ways we could only imagine. Mostly because we’ve seen it in the movies or on our friends who have experienced some shitty “situationships”.

 

If you know me a little bit, you know that my heart was broken. Plenty of times. The first time it happened it was because of my first sweetheart boyfriend. And although it was just a short and cute relationship, the way he forgot about me one night and the rest of that summer still haunts me. I promised myself I will never ever wait for a guy to text me or come back to me after that one. Of course, that promise was broken way too many times, but hey, aren’t we here to learn from our mistakes? I met that boy again four months later and I told him I missed him and been thinking about him. You know what he said?

 

–  And now you’re telling me? Why didn’t you say anything few months ago? I have a girlfriend now.
This is the reason why I don’t wait for guys to text me anymore. Well, I still do, but not for months. Because now I know that if they don’t text it probably means they have a new girl friend on the radar. Trust me, I’ve been testing this theory way too many times.

 

The second guy who broke my heart was… strategic. He put me up so high on a pedestal I felt I can rule the world. For a short while. Then he just let me there to deal with all that. I had no idea what to do but fall. And boy, that hurt as fuck! Six years later he apologized for the ghosting and admitted he was an idiot, but also the fact that I was out of his league and a bit too much for his waters. Fair enough.

 

The third one, and hopefully the last one, broke every single part of my heart in a million pieces. He made sure I felt like he doesn’t care about my needs, my wants, my ambitions, my thoughts because they were never good enough. All my friends and family hated the guts out of him. They still do. And even though deep down I knew he’s an asshole, I always wondered what did I do wrong. I questioned everything and hoped I would be someone else, something more… just to be enough for him to change and love me back. Oh boy, how I blamed myself for his issues and for him treating me like shit.

 

Not only that this guy would make me think he forgot about me every time I didn’t need it to, but he also pushed me so high on some peaks I’ve never been before. And even after climbing all the mountains I could reach for him, I discovered the oceans, learned how to sail, and went exploring lands I could never imagine. Yup, all because one stupid guy. But don’t follow my example. I just have weird taste in men.

 

Don’t worry, eventually, I got my shit together. One day it just didn’t hurt anymore. And ever since, not only that I fucking know how I want to be treated, but also how to deal and live with where I am left on. Make it a pedestal, a mountain peak, in the middle of the ocean or my own bed. I am there already! And I know how to get back. To myself. Always.

 

So date people who break your heart. It will let you know who you are, what you deserve and how to ask for what you want. Moreover, it will get you to meet people who will put back all the pieces of your heart. And when that is complete again, someone else will be attracted and destined to try to break it. Because that’s what people do. They break wholes and fill holes.

 

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When you have no idea what you caused in a girl’s head

 

Funny game, right?
🙂

Is the Season to Be Rejected

After opening up about my current emotional level, my psychiatrist concluded:
“Oh, that’s sad!”
“Well, why do you think I am here (bitch)?! I asked her rhetorically and politely leaving the last word out.
The whole psychiatrist session lasted about fifteen minutes including the hello’s and “best of luck” wishes. She basically fired me by recommending I should see a therapist who can deal with my emotions.
Fair enough. Good thing I have lots of therapeutical friends who don’t charge as much as degree holders in this country.
“You need a boyfriend!” The psychiatrist added.
“No, I don’t! I kinda decided that like five minutes ago when we both agree I have issues. Like who wants an emotionally unstable person?”
“Ok. You’re not sick. You just live in Denmark.” That’s what my therapeutical friends told me.
Let’s recap why I need to tell my real therapist:
The last guy I dated ghosted the fuck out of me after our second date. And I actually liked him…
My roomie just wrote an official paper where it says I have to move out. And I thought he’s my bestie…
My former office crush completely ignored me the night we supposed to hook up. And hit on some other girl…
A bunch of Danish guys whom I spent the last New Years said there is no more room for me this year. And I thought we are friends…
I mean, seriously?! How much more one can take? Like is not enough that the sun goes down before five pm, that it’s fucking freezing and there is no snow in Copenhagen, or that I am not going home for Christmas, but everything else. Oh, man, I wish Santa Claus was real… I think some good presents will heal all these broken pieces of my heart.
rejected

And now, don’t worry, I know what my therapist will say:

The greatest damage rejection causes is usually self-inflicted. Just when our self-esteem is hurting most, we go and damage it even further.

Rejection feels like physical pain and Paracetamol is the cure for it. I know. And I also know that Rejection lowers your IQ. Yes, temporarily, but since I get it a lot… just don’t be surprised I act stupid. 🙃☺️🤡💃🏻

 

xoxo

killer way (not) to kill a crush

I couldn’t move. We were standing in the middle of that one place that I always fantasize to “trash” with an extreme desire and passion for the human love. It wasn’t the elevator.
I don’t think we were hugging but our bodies were placed tight one onto the other and it felt like two halves put for the first time together. There we were, standing as two halves with conscious minds, fears, insecurities, expectations and a common (in)ability to blend. Our feet were fixed deep on the floor and almost shaking. Our hands were exploring surfaces of clothes and felt new body structures without having the courage to go deeper. Our minds were navigating through all sorts of thoughts and could only imagine what would be beyond all the details. A smooth skin, a muscly chest, a firm touch… maybe an amazing lover?
We already have decided we shouldn’t do anything. Well, I did and he respected my decision. It was just a matter of time until one would fail.
– So you don’t want me to have you right here, right now in the most exciting possible way? he asked staring at me with his glazing eyes.
– No.
I was half lying. He knew that every single inch of my body was screaming “yes”, but I just didn’t want to feel the dull-after-glow.
– I am thirsty. I said after minutes of sniffing, trembling and touching this fascinating man.
– What do you wanna drink? He asked me swallowing some hardcore impulses.
– Anything.
We still didn’t move nor interrupted anyhow the big nothing we were doing. I knew he was waiting for me to fall. To kiss him. To undress him. To have him right there in the most forbidden place. I struggled so much not to though, was curious to see how much can he wait, and I was also secretly hoping he will fail first.
I made the first step back. I think it was the hardest step back I had to take… Damn, my body was paralyzed! I was using all my force left to move away and get some water. My mouth was so dry…
– I would’ve taken you home if you…
– Me too. I said sad but relieved.
Then I left.
It was just a crush. For both of us. And we didn’t consummate it for the sake of not killing its feels. Having a crush like this makes your imagination go wild, lets your hormones dance and beats all the porn videos out there.
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Why Am I Not A Good Girl

If you’re a bad girl, send this article to a good girl. If you’re a good girl, you gonna keep reading.

My best friend just sent me an article that started like that. Was I offended? nah. I just forwarded it to all the good girls I know.

All my friends are good girls. Too good. Way too good for their men, bosses or friends! I don’t tell that to them often, but when I do is to make them feel empowered and to help their wilderness coming out. And the best part is that when it happens, guess who is the first they call? That’s right. I am that bitch!

Good girls please everyone. I just like to be pleased.

Good girls always work too much, too hard and still wondering if they did enough. I am just wondering.

Good girls always say they’re too good. That’s because they have girls like me sharing all our shit and they always feel better about themselves. They say yes to everything while I am limited to chocolate, challenges and good times!

The only time good girls don’t listen is when they cheat on their diet. After cheating on my diet every day, I realized I don’t even listen to myself!

Good girls always have excuses and they will excuse themselves from everything. My excuse is simple. I am just a bad girl. Maybe I should be a batgirl? Wonder who’d be my Batman? Sorry, my ADHD kicked in for a sec.

 

fixpink batgirl
fixBatgirl

 

Good girls stay out of any kind of conflict. I am a magnet for them. Just like I am for all the bad boys.

Good girls are waiting for prince charming. My prince charming is waiting for me.

Good girls sleep and dream about him right now. I am wide awake, dirty and, instead of taking a shower, I am writing this piece for you.

xoxo

FixBatgirl

PS: for more advice on how to be a bad girl, call my manager! oh, wait I don’t have one cuz nobody can manage me. 😆😈

PPS: I’ll add this to my #365givechallenge as the 52day of giving really important advice (and making you feel a bit better about yourself)