Date Someone Who Will Break Your Heart

You should date someone who treats you like shit and eventually makes you feel the shittiest you’ve ever been.

 

 No, I am not sarcastic. We are all scared. Scared of being rejected, scared of being lied to, cheated on and hurt in ways we could only imagine. Mostly because we’ve seen it in the movies or on our friends who have experienced some shitty “situationships”.

 

If you know me a little bit, you know that my heart was broken. Plenty of times. The first time it happened it was because of my first sweetheart boyfriend. And although it was just a short and cute relationship, the way he forgot about me one night and the rest of that summer still haunts me. I promised myself I will never ever wait for a guy to text me or come back to me after that one. Of course, that promise was broken way too many times, but hey, aren’t we here to learn from our mistakes? I met that boy again four months later and I told him I missed him and been thinking about him. You know what he said?

 

–  And now you’re telling me? Why didn’t you say anything few months ago? I have a girlfriend now.
This is the reason why I don’t wait for guys to text me anymore. Well, I still do, but not for months. Because now I know that if they don’t text it probably means they have a new girl friend on the radar. Trust me, I’ve been testing this theory way too many times.

 

The second guy who broke my heart was… strategic. He put me up so high on a pedestal I felt I can rule the world. For a short while. Then he just let me there to deal with all that. I had no idea what to do but fall. And boy, that hurt as fuck! Six years later he apologized for the ghosting and admitted he was an idiot, but also the fact that I was out of his league and a bit too much for his waters. Fair enough.

 

The third one, and hopefully the last one, broke every single part of my heart in a million pieces. He made sure I felt like he doesn’t care about my needs, my wants, my ambitions, my thoughts because they were never good enough. All my friends and family hated the guts out of him. They still do. And even though deep down I knew he’s an asshole, I always wondered what did I do wrong. I questioned everything and hoped I would be someone else, something more… just to be enough for him to change and love me back. Oh boy, how I blamed myself for his issues and for him treating me like shit.

 

Not only that this guy would make me think he forgot about me every time I didn’t need it to, but he also pushed me so high on some peaks I’ve never been before. And even after climbing all the mountains I could reach for him, I discovered the oceans, learned how to sail, and went exploring lands I could never imagine. Yup, all because one stupid guy. But don’t follow my example. I just have weird taste in men.

 

Don’t worry, eventually, I got my shit together. One day it just didn’t hurt anymore. And ever since, not only that I fucking know how I want to be treated, but also how to deal and live with where I am left on. Make it a pedestal, a mountain peak, in the middle of the ocean or my own bed. I am there already! And I know how to get back. To myself. Always.

 

So date people who break your heart. It will let you know who you are, what you deserve and how to ask for what you want. Moreover, it will get you to meet people who will put back all the pieces of your heart. And when that is complete again, someone else will be attracted and destined to try to break it. Because that’s what people do. They break wholes and fill holes.

 

IMG_2045
When you have no idea what you caused in a girl’s head

 

Funny game, right?
🙂

Is the Season to Be Rejected

After opening up about my current emotional level, my psychiatrist concluded:
“Oh, that’s sad!”
“Well, why do you think I am here (bitch)?! I asked her rhetorically and politely leaving the last word out.
The whole psychiatrist session lasted about fifteen minutes including the hello’s and “best of luck” wishes. She basically fired me by recommending I should see a therapist who can deal with my emotions.
Fair enough. Good thing I have lots of therapeutical friends who don’t charge as much as degree holders in this country.
“You need a boyfriend!” The psychiatrist added.
“No, I don’t! I kinda decided that like five minutes ago when we both agree I have issues. Like who wants an emotionally unstable person?”
“Ok. You’re not sick. You just live in Denmark.” That’s what my therapeutical friends told me.
Let’s recap why I need to tell my real therapist:
The last guy I dated ghosted the fuck out of me after our second date. And I actually liked him…
My roomie just wrote an official paper where it says I have to move out. And I thought he’s my bestie…
My former office crush completely ignored me the night we supposed to hook up. And hit on some other girl…
A bunch of Danish guys whom I spent the last New Years said there is no more room for me this year. And I thought we are friends…
I mean, seriously?! How much more one can take? Like is not enough that the sun goes down before five pm, that it’s fucking freezing and there is no snow in Copenhagen, or that I am not going home for Christmas, but everything else. Oh, man, I wish Santa Claus was real… I think some good presents will heal all these broken pieces of my heart.
rejected

And now, don’t worry, I know what my therapist will say:

The greatest damage rejection causes is usually self-inflicted. Just when our self-esteem is hurting most, we go and damage it even further.

Rejection feels like physical pain and Paracetamol is the cure for it. I know. And I also know that Rejection lowers your IQ. Yes, temporarily, but since I get it a lot… just don’t be surprised I act stupid. 🙃☺️🤡💃🏻

 

xoxo

Giving Days 31, 32, … 50

Another 20 days have past and I have been giving away some serious things. Well, to be honest, ten days ago I was panicking at the office asking people what did I do nicely for them in the past weeks.

You gave me your concealer before that photoshooting.

Great! That’s about the nicest thing I must have done for a guy. 😛 I know, I am modest. Here is a list of the 20 things I gave away the past weeks:

Day 31: I returned two phone battery tanks to their owners.

Day 32: I went to a stranger’s birthday and made them laugh.

Day 33: I shared my date with a friend – I think this was a good deed and, even though I lost my date, I gain a thank you note 😛

Day 34: I said and did how the song goes: “I might hate myself tomorrow, but I am on my way tonight!

Day 35: I donated some of my clothes.

Day 36: I  gave a good advice to someone who needed it

Day 37: I shared my food.

Day 38: I told someone I miss them

Day 39: I gave someone who missed me a very nice phone call

Day 40: I wasn’t mean when I wanted to be

Day 41: I held my tongue when I wanted to speak up harshly

Day 42: I gave a silence treatment pretty well haha

Day 43: I forgave someone for yelling at me and putting me down

Day 44: I gave someone a book

Day 45: I made a shoe compliment to a lady

Day 46: I was friendly and sweet to an asshole boyfriend

Day 47: I let my ex-boyfriend love me

Day 48: I worked hard at work – over my strengths and hours

Day 49: I made dinner for a friend

Day 50: I love some people more than they know!

Damn! that was hard. I imagine you might think these things are super insignificant and don’t really count in real word as givings, but they are all I can remember now for doing well in the last 3 weeks. Some of them are straightforward, but those you don’t understand they are quite private and intimate for me. And remember, this #360GiveChallenge is just for my own development as a human being.

Days 11, 12, … 21: Giving Energy, Smiles, Comments, … Hands & Jumps

It’s been 10 days of me not concentrating on giving one particular thing, but just adapting to the routine of an adult. I started working on a full-time schedule in an office with lots of different characters.

It has been interesting, fun, exciting, stressful, funny, boring, hard, annoying … you name it. Just like any other job, right?

Work. Work. Work. If you say it fast enough I will think it sounds like twerk. No? Oh, well… This is the funniest I can be now. However, I’ve been giving a lot. Of myself mainly. Using my own energy to make people enjoy themselves around me.

Day 11: I worked out at home until I couldn’t move my glutes properly. I still have some unwanted stomach fat which I am giving away for free!! Anyone?? 😀 #365GiveChallenge

Day 12: I worked extra hours unpaid just so I could make my superiors proud of me. And myself. Not sure the stress I put myself through was any other good than learning not to do it again.

Day 13: I was nice to a couple of people. I didn’t tell them anything negative and I made them smile with a few honest compliments.

Day 14: I made someone a sandwich.

Day 15: I gave so many damns tears came as a bonus.

Day 16: I gave away bits of my confidence and energy someone got a fantasy come true. Somewhere in Australia.

Day 17: I gave someone a page from my diary where I wrote my honest feelings about them

Day 18: I gave a great feedback to my supervisor. Really. They should promote me!

Day 19: I sent my good thoughts to someone in the past.

Day 20: I kissed a boy. 🙈 Very altruistic of me, right?

Day 21: I started volunteering for Techfestival. So see you there this week!

 

Techfestival volunteers
Techfestival 2017 crew

 

What Is Dating About?

Millennials. Individuals reaching adulthood around the turn of the 21st century. According to Howe and Strauss (1991), millennials are born between 1982 and 2004. Therefore, I and, most likely you too, are part of Generation Y or the Net Generation, the demographic cohort that directly follows Generation X.

Being the last generation born in the 20th century, we are also called the “Hookup Generation”, a name which, it turns out, doesn’t really pair with the studies results on how much sex we’re having these days. That’s right, our grandparents were having more sex than we do now. Researchers of the Archives of Sexual Behavior discovered that the prominence of online dating as millennials’ primary means of coupling is a likely factor in their dropping rates of sexual activity. Why you ask? Well, if you assumed that it’s so easy to get laid these days because of Tinder and Bumble apps, for most of the users having an average appearance it leaves them quite reluctant to continue the search. It’s a jungle out there, trust me. What used to work three years ago as an online strategy comes extremely outdated and overused today. You match because you are both on the same hotness level, you say hi and three hours later you meet – because you already have plans for the rest of the week and this is your only day off, thus you having time for such boring activity. Also, for most of the dating apps users, the best time of using it is on the toilet. I know, now you gonna imagine the other one sitting on that throne when texting you. I know. I am sorry, it was tough to accept for me as well.

However, researchers don’t see this a bad thing. Having less sex is correlated with the fact that this generation has become more picky about what constitutes consent and less accepting of pressured sex. “It’s probably a good thing… I think [taking it slowly] is going to lead to better first marriages”, said anthropologist Helen Fisher. Fisher also points that the aforementioned youngsters, also work harder (often unpaid) to pursue their career goals. And now you say “well, that makes so much sense!”. It does, doesn’t it? “It’s a highly motivated, ambitious generation,” Fisher said. “A lot of them are afraid that they’ll get into something they can’t get out of and they won’t be able to get back to their desk and keep studying.”

Harvard University spent 75 years researching the correlations for a long life, thus conducting the longest study on happiness. And you know what is the number one?

MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS

It’s not about how many friends or partners you have or don’t have. “A person only needs a few close relationships to be happy” (Waldinger, 2015). Now, dating is indeed more fluid than in the past. It looks different and feels different…but at the end of the day, creating a relationship that brings meaning to your own or someone’s life is all what dating is supposed to be about. Because that’s what life is about.

Enjoy dating! 🙂

 

PS: next time I am gonna write about how I made myself a girl-friend through a dating app. Stay tuned!

There Is No Glory in Easy

Why do we even try? When the barriers are so high and the odds are so low?

Why don’t we just pack it in and go home? It would be so, so much easier…

It’s because in the end there’s no glory in easy. No one remembers easy. They will remember the pain, the tears, the struggle… We are going to have some wins and some losses and we are going to make a whole bunch of mistakes, but isn’t that what life is all about? Learning from our mistakes?

Denial.Lonely girl looking out of apartment window

Anger.

Bargaining.

Depression.

Acceptance.

These are the stages of waking up… And mostly we have no idea where we think we are, but most certainly we would be happier if we would realize that what we should do is actually what we are doing.

We are changing. Everyone is. But we only notice it when we change in different directions and don’t seem to have the same ways of understanding. Grow apart from people who don’t grow. We are free to do it. And there’s nothing to lose. If we were supposed to be together, we’ll meet again. I promise. I mean, the Universe is promising. 🙂

We have to look for the best in people, for our own sake. And we have to leave them better than we found them. So let’s educate ourselves! Confusion and misunderstanding is primarily caused by ignorance. So we need to find a good teacher. We should meditate (more). Know ourselves better. Learn that being happy has nothing to do with anyone else. It’s a very personal thing and we don’t need to explain it.