I am 70% conscious. Which means I am quite rational on my decisions. Unless I do not want to and pretend the opposite. Or, on special occasions, when I let my heart do the moves. I should do more things with my heart. Stop thinking.
What about me and men? I asked him.
Hmmm. You don’t love them too much. I can see you love women, kids… and then men.
Say what?! [omg, am I lesbian mom now?!]
All this accordingly to a man I have never met, but whom I called for a therapy session I didn’t know for sure I need until … an hour later. Trust me, I wasn’t sure about opening up to a complete stranger, whom I’ve never seen nor even read about. My good old friend mentioned him as a person I could ask a few questions – if he’s willing to answer me, of course, so last week I told her I need to talk to him.
Anyways, back to the shocking news about me and men. Are you *f… kidding me?! I always thought I love them more than they deserve – but then, there it is: me condescending and thinking so highly of myself. Tsk tsk.
So, what do you want to talk about? he asked me first.
Uhm, I don’t know…
I thought I am doing well when he called. It was also four days after my breakdown, so by then I thought I healed. But all I needed was someone to remind me of the pain by pushing a button like:
I can tell you are depressed a bit.
[… gee, thanks!]
I mean… what do you say to someone who states that about you in the first 3 minutes and, especially when you think you’re ok? :|I felt that our conversation should stop there and I should remember never to do this again.
But I stayed.
I stayed and listen to an accurate analysis of my brains, personality, countries I love, things I wanna do, God, my ex and how many kids I can/will have. I heard lots of things I usually think about but which I never determined like that. Not yet, at least. But I chose to. Just the way I chose to talk, listen and open my heart to someone like him. This was probably the hardest thing I gave so far in my #365Give Challenge. But it was worth it – he gave me a spiritual treatment in return. Now, I am less depressed since our talk. Also, he said people can give me this depression. Which I agree with.
I wonder if you would talk to a stranger with those powers about your deepest fears?
Starting today I will give something every day for a year. I don’t know what, how or to whom, but I will discover it myself or with your help. 🙂
I am doing it because I want to learn how to give and to feel the joy of making others happy. Jacqueline, a mom who created the 365give concept to teach her three-year-old how to give, inspired me to do it in her Ted talk about “how to be happy every day”.
I am gonna keep a daily diary of the things I am giving and share it with you. So please, feel free to write to me any ideas of the things I could possibly give. And be humble, I am just a simple girl with great visions and big dreams, but together we could make a difference.
Have a great day ahead!
PS: I had an amazing start today and now I am running to a lovely dinner – see you later!
Babe, even though I only see you on the TV screen,
With all those girls and your toys and your pleasured scream
I’ll easy spend up all this loving for my dream boy
I don’t want to share. Even when it’s quiet, I’ll be thinking about you
I’ll be thinking about you, babe, I’ll be thinking about you.When you’re with that other girl, I hope you’re thinking about me, I hope you’re thinking bout me, babe.
Cause I’m thinking about you.
When she left the house, she only had in mind one drink and no expectations. She would go to bed early that night and nothing would change in her life. Little did she knew that wasn’t the case…
She was sitting at the bar thinking what to drink when he told her not to worry, he knows exactly what she needs. “Wait a minute”, she said, “you don’t even know what I don’t like”. “Tell me, then”, he said. It almost sounded silly when she said it out loud, but he didn’t seem to care, that wouldn’t change his mind anyway.
He got it right. “He’s good”, she told herself.
A couple hours later, while contemplating if it was the right time for her to go home or if she should stay a little bit longer… he kissed her. His hands found their way through her loose hair, grabbed her neck with a confident force and pulled her lips on top of his with no shame. Yet, that kiss was magical! One of those that hypnotizes one to lose track of time, space and own body.
When she woke up in the morning she looked at him sleeping next to her and wrote him a letter:
Dear Mr. B,
Thank you for tonight. You made me feel nervous and anxious, but also admired and spoiled. The whole setting was romantic and sexy. Those dim lights on the tall walls, the classical music in the background and those lovers in the back, topped with some aphrodisiac in my drinks and the way you looked into my eyes. Oh, man…
I had no expectations when I came to see you, but you managed to create some and exceed them before I even asked. You look sweet and you seem kind, honest and polite. Maybe too much. I know we just met, but I feel comfortable and safe with you. Which is dangerous now, because you are going to travel around the world, learn how to play guitar, make some art and become a better version of you. In a few years, you are going to be exactly the man I foresee in you, and the man I would definitely love right now because that is who I want. Not the boy you are now.
Bummer, you just said something in your sleep and for a second I was afraid you gonna wake up and I wouldn’t know what to do or say to you. On the other hand, I kinda wished you would wake up and kiss me again. But you just turned on the other side just like a baby sleeping in his own bed. Lucky me…
I have no idea if I will see you again, nor how long will you remember me, but I am glad I met you. Yes, everything would have been different if I hadn’t had come to see you tonight, but it’s too late now. You had to kiss me, didn’t you? 🙂
I had an awesome time with you. Please don’t hesitate to call me. In 3 years.
She left before he woke up. He never tried to find her. They never forgot each other.