Down to The Self-Destruction Road

Sometimes you are just a twenty-something-year-old who needs to survive shit with all the fucking options in the world. What food to buy or eat, what path to chose for your career, where to travel next, what job to apply to or who to love, kiss or bang, befriend or go out with.

Too many options and so many mistakes to make!

Sometimes you are just a twenty-something-year-old who goes home to their empty apartment where there is only alcohol and weed awaiting. Most of the nights, a 7/11 slice is the warmest thing that gets closer to your body and you can’t’ remember the taste of home-made meals.

Sometimes you love the last person your dreams pictured for you and … oh well, you gonna do it anyway. Because we don’t choose whom we fall in love with and getting out of it doesn’t really work.

Sometimes you are just in the wrong bed with the wrong person lying to yourself it is gonna get better and that one day this will feel right. Then they break up with you. And you are all over the place. You’re a mess. A carpet of all of a sudden feelings, shitty thoughts, stupid ideas and a craving for vices. Then you embrace the unavailability. Both ways.

Sometimes you wake up and you’re not a twenty-something-year-old anymore. You’ve been over that idiot bitch who didn’t love you back, you don’t have that friend with benefits anymore and winning at a board game doesn’t bring you that joy anymore.

You are the worst! and you are your best. Everything. But hey, don’t despair, it’s gonna be better. I have a good feeling about you 😉
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my all time favorite snap from a road

There is such a close line between believing you’re doing something selfish that should be for your own better self and ending up doing something completely self-destructing.

But we don’t know it until after it hits us with a message, in a friend’s speech or gets out in that badass gut voice we hear when sober. Enjoy the road, no matter how bumpy it is!

Have a good week!

x

 

The Jigsaw Puzzle

We’re being spoiled with choice. There are 7,6 Billion people out there and we stick to the one we’ve met in college. Because of commitment, because of history, because of comfort and because of the fears and the demons screaming: what if you won’t find anyone as nice and supporting? Who else would accept all your flaws so easily? Whose parents will be so loving? What about your friends? What about awkwardness? Fucking dating apps! ugh… that heavy bunch of rocks in the back of your mind, in your stomach and all the alcohol they are floating on…
– It’s fucking insane. I am stuck!
– You can’t imagine a world without it, don’t you?
– Well… it’s intense.
– Take the leap!
– To what?
– You know it better.
Not being tight to someone’s hip all the time increases the level of curiosity, desire, and attraction. Distance and differences in hobbies are the secrets of creating the erotic energy in a relationship between us and the one we love. Esther Perel adds that this energy is built in that gap between you and your partner and your desire to close it and to be intimate.  Perel and other specialists (including my current self) believe that the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.
But we wait. For people to take actions, to fulfill our exceptions and our illusions. The wait is an animal fed with ideas of someone to come or to leave. SPOILER ALERT: They won’t. But you sit there and you wait, waiting for an excuse to get out, just waiting for them to do something unforgivable for u to have a good reason to break up with them. But they won’t do that. So u have to lower your standards for what unforgivable is. So you start with ‘if they are cheating on me that is perfect’ but time goes by and there is not even a slight chance for that to happen. That’s when you get to the bottom unforgivable leaving the seat on or slurping one decibel louder than ever! BAM!
My male Irish comedian version and devastatingly intelligent Daniel Sloss is asking us: have you ever felt being trapped in a relationship where basically it feels like someone is dying but nobody is actually dying, but you secretly wait for that – because that is the best ultimate reason to be free from someone you love less than u used to? If the answer is yes… then let go. Take the leap. Create that distance relationship experts are discussing to be the liaison between two people who want to be together.
– I took the leap! I know it’s the right thing. Feels like shit though.
– Listen. You’re an incredibly beautiful and lovely human. That one doesn’t deserve your attention and affection. You’re a remarkable person and it’s so important to be brave and put yourself out there and do what you did. So I am going to ask you to promise me that this won’t stop you doing the same thing in the future. The world needs more people like you. x
In less than a week, Sloss got a record of breaking up over 4,000 couples right after his Jigsaw Netflix Special got released. Please go watch it and get back to me with some mean feedback!
Make me smile!
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this could be us, but we love to play hide and seek

JUST ASK ME

If you ever wonder what is my first name, just ask me.
If you ever wonder how life has been before we met, just ask me.
However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.
If you ever assume I have issues, don’t do shit with it, just ask me.
If you ever see me in your vicinity, don’t just assume I don’t care or wanna talk to you,
But go ahead and ask me to.
If you want me to stop talking, please, just ask me.
If you wanna know what time is, feel free to ask me.
If I was ever a bitch to you, don’t tell your bestie before you come and ask me.
However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.
If you ever want me to come, to leave, to stop, to start, just try and ask me. This one might be risky good though.
If I bite your lip too hard, just ask me not to.
If I don’t dare to kiss you, please do not just ask me to. You could ask me why though.
If I am being strangely polite to you, you must’ve done something meh or awfully good.
Don’t ask me if you don’t wanna know, but do ask me if you wanna be polite too.
When you eat and I am around, do not just eat without asking me!
If you think I am Joey, please just ask me. I might or might not be.
If I have food and don’t ask you, please feel free to ask me.
I am easy, just ask me and you will see.
However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.
Food, red, candy or a lovemaking scene – will always be my favorite things you could ask me.
To take, to join you, to taste, to be.
However, don’t just ask me for the sake of asking me.
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If you wanna marry me, go ahead and ask my mom.
Pam. pam.
If just ask me, this is the end of story.

Date Someone Who Will Break Your Heart

You should date someone who treats you like shit and eventually makes you feel the shittiest you’ve ever been.

 

 No, I am not sarcastic. We are all scared. Scared of being rejected, scared of being lied to, cheated on and hurt in ways we could only imagine. Mostly because we’ve seen it in the movies or on our friends who have experienced some shitty “situationships”.

 

If you know me a little bit, you know that my heart was broken. Plenty of times. The first time it happened it was because of my first sweetheart boyfriend. And although it was just a short and cute relationship, the way he forgot about me one night and the rest of that summer still haunts me. I promised myself I will never ever wait for a guy to text me or come back to me after that one. Of course, that promise was broken way too many times, but hey, aren’t we here to learn from our mistakes? I met that boy again four months later and I told him I missed him and been thinking about him. You know what he said?

 

–  And now you’re telling me? Why didn’t you say anything few months ago? I have a girlfriend now.
This is the reason why I don’t wait for guys to text me anymore. Well, I still do, but not for months. Because now I know that if they don’t text it probably means they have a new girl friend on the radar. Trust me, I’ve been testing this theory way too many times.

 

The second guy who broke my heart was… strategic. He put me up so high on a pedestal I felt I can rule the world. For a short while. Then he just let me there to deal with all that. I had no idea what to do but fall. And boy, that hurt as fuck! Six years later he apologized for the ghosting and admitted he was an idiot, but also the fact that I was out of his league and a bit too much for his waters. Fair enough.

 

The third one, and hopefully the last one, broke every single part of my heart in a million pieces. He made sure I felt like he doesn’t care about my needs, my wants, my ambitions, my thoughts because they were never good enough. All my friends and family hated the guts out of him. They still do. And even though deep down I knew he’s an asshole, I always wondered what did I do wrong. I questioned everything and hoped I would be someone else, something more… just to be enough for him to change and love me back. Oh boy, how I blamed myself for his issues and for him treating me like shit.

 

Not only that this guy would make me think he forgot about me every time I didn’t need it to, but he also pushed me so high on some peaks I’ve never been before. And even after climbing all the mountains I could reach for him, I discovered the oceans, learned how to sail, and went exploring lands I could never imagine. Yup, all because one stupid guy. But don’t follow my example. I just have weird taste in men.

 

Don’t worry, eventually, I got my shit together. One day it just didn’t hurt anymore. And ever since, not only that I fucking know how I want to be treated, but also how to deal and live with where I am left on. Make it a pedestal, a mountain peak, in the middle of the ocean or my own bed. I am there already! And I know how to get back. To myself. Always.

 

So date people who break your heart. It will let you know who you are, what you deserve and how to ask for what you want. Moreover, it will get you to meet people who will put back all the pieces of your heart. And when that is complete again, someone else will be attracted and destined to try to break it. Because that’s what people do. They break wholes and fill holes.

 

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When you have no idea what you caused in a girl’s head

 

Funny game, right?
🙂

Just Another Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in the land of the happiest people in the world, there was a charming gnome who, except 70 virgins, a driving license, and self-esteem, had everything a man could possibly want.
He was living alone in his big castle, feeling happily unloved and scared of all kind of things  (diseases, stronger men, smarter people, disappointments) when one day, completely out of his league, an unusual girl stepped into his office. She was simple, innocent, and cute, just like a fairy, but the Danish gnome saw her complicated, challenging and sexy. So you know how this kind of story goes: the gnome charms the fairy who breaks up with her loving fiancé and they bang. And bang. Bang, bang, bangity-bang! Hot damn bang.
Three years later, the simple girl is a sophisticated, successful young lady (yes, sex does make you look better), who has no issues. Except for the self-destructing, self-sufficient and self-centered characteristics she inherited from the Gnome Charming, who got himself a virgin, a personal driver and a psychiatrist to remind him of his self-worth. But that’s ok.
They both live sadly separated thinking about each other more than they should.
The end.

You want a visa? Marry me!

Last night a bottle of Chiraz and I were sitting on the curb-stone in front of my building being sad. And who am I calling? The number one man in my life: dad.

We haven’t talked for weeks so went for more than an hour when a guy stops brutally his bike to tell me that I am beautiful. 

I smile and say thanks.

Dad, what was I saying?

2 minutes later, the guy comes back to ask for my name and…my hand. 

Dude, I am on the phone!

yeah, yeah…what’s your name?

Uhm, can you wait a little? I am talking with my father here!

Oh, OK! 

I am hanging up very politely to my father to listen to this stranger – sometimes strangers have a gift to change my mood with their stories so I am listening.

I am not a drug dealer. I don’t take drugs. Do you? No you don’t. You don’t look like someone who takes. Those are ugly people. I don’t, well maybe some cocaine…oh, you Romanians have the BEST coke ever! Oh, you people are mental… especially fathers. If they have a daughter they would cut your throat for her. That’s why I let you talk to him. I though it was your boyfriend tho.. Ohhhhh boy.. I know, my ex was half-Romanian. That bitch!! Do you know she wanted to take half from me when we divorced?? But police took everything anyway… haha! Yeah, motherfuckers. I did 3 years in jail. They caught me selling… 

So you DO sell drugs! 

Ha, I don’t… I mean, the judge said I ruin people’s lives. But I don’t see it like that! People can decide, do you know what I mean? They can say no to drugs. Why am I the bad guy just for selling to those who want it? And the fucking government is putting drugs on the street. Fucking assholes!! They should give me a break! Man… I wanted to kill myself in there. But it’s not like they say… I mean, sure, there are weak guys, but there are also protectors. I was helping them. And their families paid me for it. By the time I got out I had a 40k in my account. I like helping people. If something makes you happy I will do it for you. I am serious. 

You don’t even know me. 🙂

I can tell. I read people. You’re good. You’re beautiful and smart. You argue with me. I hate women who always agree with what you say. Ugh. Those are the worst! never trust them. But you’re true. You like it here? You wanna stay here? You want a visa? Marry me! No, seriously, I would do that for you. Just to see you happy!  

Haha, thanks. This is too easy and you wouldn’t be my first choice though…

Well of course. You’re beautiful. You can get a guy easily. What? you don’t think so? I am telling you. If you come to my club you will be [ah, I forgot the word] by men. But you don’t go out much, do you? Yeah, I can tell… So when can I take you to dinner?

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Dad is calling me. 

My dad actually called me back to check if I am safe. 😮  pfff  ❤ that man! 

Saved by the bell. I ran inside the electronic doors and I didn’t even look back. I could hear him punching the doors and yelling:

HEY! YOU CAN’T DO THAT!!! HEY!! COME BACK!

back to school: down under, coffee and other stories

I am lucky and I know it!

Trust me, I am as surprised as you are right now about me being down here.

Yesterday was my first day of school in Australia. I was so proud I got in time for my first class (it started at 12pm), cuz somehow I knew it won’t repeat today. I really hope this is not a racist comment, but I have never felt more white and European in my entire life. I am quite sure I was the only one in that class not tanned…

All the classes are recorded here. So if you missed one you can just watch it online. I am considering this for the future busy me because my campus is 60 tram stops (an hour away) from my sweet home in the CBD – so I can trade some good hours of Tinder chats for sleeping. 😀

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Summer clothes all the way!!!

Since I don’t do (good) writing when I am happy, here is a summary of my life down under so far:

90% of my wildest dreams came true! I live in the most liveable cities in the world, I got a place right in its heart, in an apartment with the most amazing view. ❤ I have really cool housemates: they are never home and when they see me they run straight to their room cuz I can’t stop talking (making friends is not my strongest forte…) One is from Chile – and I’m super excited because I was a teenager Chile fan – and the other one is from Hong Kong: Asian foodie and movie passionated!!! I wish they’d like me…

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Take this, Margrethe !

Been here 2 weeks already and I can tell you how my schedule looks like:

Monday: breaky and 3 hours of school. Coffee and dinner in the city. Netflix and chill.

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Tuesday: 12 hours in Campus: coffees, sandwiches, meeting new people, online surfing: maybe writing on my blog routine.

Wednesday: hmmm, let’s see what’s happening in town? Maybe I should plan my weekend – which starts on…

…Thursday: call a friend for brunch. If none of the 5 friends I actually have their phone numbers can join me, I will do it with myself. I start liking my own company – who knew I can be this much fun? 😀 Tinder message notifications on! Start pretending you are sweet and really nice. Maybe next week you will have a new friend at this table. What am I saying? ? A million things can happen until my next Thursday! Let’s see who’s fun enough for my time and money in a bar tonight.

Friday: coffee!!! ah, this city is an endless menu for coffee shops and delicious foods. Mmmm I am doing so good, it feels like Sunday, but I don’t care of not having any other plans for the actual weekend: things will come up! Oh, look at that! a tinder date! and he seems cute (hope he will pay my drink).

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Saturday: lazy, lazy, lazy. Did I tell you I have a pool, a gym and a tennis court included in my rent? I should probably use them, cuz, look at the time: it’s March already!!!

Sunday: Damn, I didn’t get super tired nor drunk last night in the city and I feel I am not a normal exchange student… And I only have 4 months left down here. I know, I should be more active. Let’s go for a walk! Hmm, I don’t know this street… oh look, a lovely park. It’s the Arts Centre in Melbourne. Gosh, I love all these weird high buildings! I am looking at a 30 feet high Andy Warhol poster. I’m going in. An hour later I am following a huge crowd. There is a concert close to Botanical Gardens. It looks so appealing I am going in. Damn, I don’t wanna spend 80$ on a ticket… but then someone finds me and gives me a free ticket. Just because. Just because I am one damn lucky girl. I can’t stop thinking who should I be grateful for this. Everyone and especially me I guess… I know I have been working my ass off for the last 1,5 years and I made it! Aaaaaaah!!!!!! :-O

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Ok, there are, of course, some downsides to this. Besides the fact I miss all my best friends aka the people I would love to hang out with, my bike and …well that’s about it, there is not so much of prince charming perspectives for me down here. And that’s because I have been really spoiled back in Denmark with and by the most beautiful men. And you know I cannot lower my standards, right?

So, baby, if you’re reading this (yes, you, the Danish cute guy I’ve been seeing/kissing before I left)… I didn’t cheat on you and you are being missed. Damn, that was quite hard to admit, but it feels good to get it out of my chest!

Oh, this was supposed to be about my first day of school… What can I say? Deakin is a very cool campus. It has everything a student wants and needs. Oh, except a beach and the Ocean nearby, today it was 40C degrees and all we could do was squeeze in some thin shades. But hey, I live 20 mins away from the beach!!! 😀

I feel extremely privileged and I would like to thank my parents, friends, supporters, former-employees and CBS for giving me this opportunity. I am an ambassador and I promise to respect my duties. So far, so good!

Cheers!